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Why doesn’t Piers Morgan criticise Islam’s “archaic” views on marriage, abortion and homosexuality?

Goodness! One sits at one’s escritoire with correspondence and newspapers scattered hither and thither wondering which snippets of news to comment upon. Outside, the evening draws in. The lamplighter makes his way down Ganderbody Lane, the Gentlemen of Hiram’s Hospital warm their chestnuts by the courtyard brazier as they re-heel their boots – a charming bunch of Old Cobblers – and Mr. Slope darts quickly down someone’s back passage, no doubt off to minister succour to some poor unfortunate. The methodical rhythms of Barchester are timeless.

Now that DREAMs are no longer as aspirational or believable as the late Dr. King once hoped, what President Trumpelstiltskin needs is a professional Child Catcher, one skilled in the art of trickery, luring and whisking away. Of course, this is all about illegals, and all Mr. Trump is doing is applying the law, fair and square. But these, as we know, are topsy-turvy times, when hearts overrule heads and laws can be ignored – when it suits the progressives, that is. Mr. Trump may or may not be the sort of guest you would want at your table, but he is not quite the anti-Christ that some fellows paint. That position is most adequately filled by Mr. Piers Morgan.

By the by, one looks forward to those criticising Mr. Rees-Mogg’s “archaic” views on marriage, abortion and homosexuality, to be equally vocal in criticising Islam for the same. Ah… the sound of silence is somewhat deafening. They must know that Mr. Rees-Mogg is unlikely to come at them armed with a scimitar or with explosives attached to his waistcoat, though I’ll wager he must be sorely tempted…

Dr. Thorne is much befuddled and distressed by the new ‘gate-keeper’ requirements placed on family physicians by the ever-energetic Mr. Hunt, Secretary of State for Healthcare Cock-Ups and Hiding the Bodies. He tells me patients needing secondary treatment in hospital now have to be referred for peer-review by a medical panel. The idea behind Mr. Hunt’s wheeze is that, by building greater delay into the referral process, there is a greater chance of patients falling of their perches and thus saving money. Like the poor, the sick are always with us. Dr. Thorne is concerned that by adding yet another layer of bureaucracy, things are bound to get much worse.

“Of course they are,” I told him, “that’s the point. Mr. Hunt’s scheme is the practical application of Malthusian theory, removing the deadwood through obfuscation and creating jobs for more pen-pushers. It’s the British way – you know it makes sense.”

As for Mr. Hunt’s other big idea – having to opt out of the state helping itself to your vital organs when you die – I suggest it be called ‘The Burke and Hare Intervention Strategy’.

At Signora Neroni’s afternoon tea yesterday the subject of the impending royal birth was much discussed. Will it be a boy or a girl this time, we all twittered. Well, it will be one thing or another, though there are those who would argue it could be transgendered or some other weird designation. As for names, one favours Robert for a boy (it will impress the Scots) and Caroline for a girl. The last thing we need is something Germanic. Signora Neroni suggested Maddelena, but then she would. I wonder what you. my dear friends, would suggest? We could have a little sweepstake, with any money raised to go to charity, of course.

Poor Frau Merkel was hit by a tomato the other day when she was out campaigning for re-election. How very disagreeable – and so unfair on the poor tomato. One hears she has also been booed and jeered at whilst addressing crowds in Brandenburg and Saxony, who called her “a traitor to the people”. This is absolute rubbish of course, for she is truly loyal to all those she invited to become ‘New Germans’. Perhaps the ‘Old Germans’ are beginning to come to their senses after all. The Archdeacon, fresh from his holiday, had this to say:

“Why stop at a single tomato? That hairy-chinned zeppelin-shaped crypto-Stasi-esque chameleon straddles the face of the Bundesrepublik like some ideological succubus trailing her sickly ‘We can do it!’ slime across the mouths of the people to stifle debate. Never mind a tomato – they should be throwing the entire farmer’s cart at her, horse and all.”

A shameful reference to Margaret Beckett! Where does he get his ideas from?

Well I must dash. I am joining my Lord the Bishop’s working party this evening. We are digging out beneath the Cathedral crypt to install a nuclear bunker, ready for when Mr. Kim lets off one of his whizz-bangs. Mr. Slope is a dab hand at plumbing the depths – he always says ‘Every hole is a goal’, the precise meaning of which escapes me.

Until next week, when the gossamer-winged fairy of decency hits the bug-splattered windscreen of modern journalism and the smelly socks of Stalinist Liquidation are washed clean in the dolly tub of Corbynism, I bid you adieu.

  • Bernard from Bucks

    “Why doesn’t Piers Morgan criticise Islam’s “archaic” views on marriage, abortion and homosexuality?”
    Because, unlike Christians, the follower’s of Islam have ‘protected characteristics’.

    • mollysdad

      And also because Morgan is a narcissist.

    • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

      Perhaps it is time for Christians to remember their medieval impulses too…

      • Bernard from Bucks

        “medieval impulses”? Now, now Mrs Proudie; please show a little restraint here with all these gentlemen around. You must be careful dear lady or you might burst out of your laces.

      • DespiteBrexit

        A friend and I have occasionally idly wondered what would happen were someone to yell “Jesus Christ is Lord” as he blew himself up – or somesuch event. The one thing that we have immediately agreed is that we wouldn’t see May and Rudd rushing to reassure us that it was “nothing to do with Christianity”.

  • Pounce

    Why?
    Because the church would be at the front of the queue in which to label him as a racist, a bigot and an Islamophobe.

    • Royinsouthwest

      Do you think Piers Morgan and the rest of the chattering classes really care what the church thinks?

      • Pounce

        No,
        But they can mount pressure on everybody around him in which to get him sacked. Look at Ray Honeyford , Sarah Champion, Kilroy-Silk, Katie Hopkins, or even Joseph Protano

  • IrishNeanderthal

    I remember a certain Mr Kilroy-Silk saying that the Arabs had contributed nothing to world culture.

    Now I could have bored the socks off him with a lecture about Al-Khwarizmi and Ibn al-Haytham (though I have heard it forcefully said that the former was a Persian, not an Arab.) But instead of giving screen time to an erudite chap like myself, the media featured expostulations from a belligerent and angry fellow called Iqbal Sacranie.

    Now that one is certainly no fuzzy-wuzzy, but even so I would forewarn Captain Mainwaring that it is criticism, rather than cold steel, that people such as he “don’t like up ’em!”

  • dannybhoy

    “Will it be a boy or a girl this time, we all twittered. Well, it will be one thing or another, though there are those who would argue it could be transgendered or some other weird designation. As for names, one favours Robert for a boy (it will impress the Scots) and Caroline for a girl. The last thing we need is something Germanic. Signora Neroni suggested Maddelena, but then she would. I wonder what you. my dear friends, would suggest? We could have a little sweepstake, with any money raised to go to charity, of course.”
    I’d opt for Edwin because if at three years old he declares as a Tranny, he’d only need to add an ‘a’…..

    • Sarky

      You do know danny (danni) is a girls name aswell?

      • Royinsouthwest

        Shouldn’t the words of the Irish song “Danny Boy” be altered to cater for gender fluidity?

        • dannybhoy

          I love that song, but here’s a great clip to get those old bones moving on a Saturday afternoon..

          • betteroffoutofit

            How horrible. Why do they call this a “song”?

          • dannybhoy

            Well it started out as a pop song. Doop as I recall was/is? a Dutch washing powder, and this guy (also Dutch) built a kind of frantic, rhythmic melody around it with a few words which pretty, leggy girls dance to.
            It was a Top of the Pops hit in 1994.
            I loved it and bought the cd or whatever it was then.. I cut quite a dash let me tell you in my wellies and pyjamas…
            Sorry you didn’t like it.

          • betteroffoutofit

            TY. I still enjoy Fred and Ginger type contributions, tho’.
            🙂

      • dannybhoy

        Believe it or not I/we used to work with a girl named Danni, and she was/is a lesbian..
        Her and I often shared lipsticks..

    • Royinsouthwest

      “Robert for a boy … will impress the Scots …”

      How about Cadwaladr? That would impress the Welsh although according to Geoffrey of Monmouth Cadwaldr was the last King of Britain before the Anglo-Saxons grabbed a large chunk of the island.

      Cadwaladr
      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cadwaladr

      • mollysdad

        How about Aragorn?

        • Royinsouthwest

          That has no historical connotations and is too easy for English people to pronounce correctly!

        • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

          We had Catherine of Aragorn (ahem!)

    • Chefofsinners

      I fear it will be ‘Prince Albert’.

      • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

        Albert is too Germanic: our princes should have names like Henry, John, Richard, Edward, Edmund and Stephen. We could have an Alfred or Athelstan too. As for the girls, what about Eleanor, Mary, Jane?

        • Chefofsinners

          Prince Albert has an unfortunate alternative meaning. I would caution against a Google images search.
          Perhaps ‘Elton’…?

        • bluedog

          Margaret is another sound Plantagenet name. The lass would have some high-heeled shoes to fill.

  • Why doesn’t Piers Morgan criticise Islam’s ‘archaic’ views on marriage, abortion and homosexuality?

    A 1995 essay by Joseph Sobran, with my alterations in brackets, supplies the answer:

    [The power of Islam] comes from the knowledge of its potential targets, the [non-Muslims], that powerful people are willing to back it up with material penalties.

    In other words, journalists are as afraid of [Muslim] power as politicians are. This means that public discussion is cramped and warped by unspoken fear—a fear journalists won’t acknowledge, because it embarrasses their pretense of being fearless critics of power.

    The illusion that we enjoy free speech has been fostered by the breaking of Christian taboos, which has become not only safe but profitable. To violate minority taboos is ‘offensive’ and ‘insensitive’; to violate Christian taboos is to be ‘daring’ and ‘irreverent’.

    • dannybhoy

      Spot on Johnny.
      It’s fear of the consequences, but they have to ridicule somebody, so BANG!!
      Let’s get the Christians.

      • @ dannybhoy—Christianity’s kind-heartedness has resulted its Western branch becoming trapped in a pincer movement between Jewish brain and Muslim brawn. How Western Christianity will extricate itself I really don’t know but any Christians who still console themselves with the thought that it’s all part of God’s plan are advised to pull their fingers out sharpish.

        • dannybhoy

          Yes I agree with that too. Western Christianity has made a caricature out of our Lord’s compassion and turned it into ‘niceness’.
          But Jesus was not always nice. There were times when He was downright scathing and angry with the pious and hypocritical.
          So incidentally on occasion were st Peter and st. Paul and st. James, and many of the saints down through the centuries.

      • Bernard from Bucks

        “Let’s get the Christians”.
        You mean – ‘those that turn the other cheek’ so all can get a second go?
        There is no second go when BANG, a bomb goes off.

  • bluedog

    Mrs P, one has ideas about what the child will be called and what it will not be called. Prominent in the ‘Not’ column would be Camilla (100-1) and Charles (66-1). Quite why the bookies have got excited by ‘Alice’ is not clear to this writer. One would hazard that ‘Diana’ would win easily by several lengths if it’s a girl.

    • Inspector General

      Bluedog, the Inspector has it on good authority that the child will indeed be named Diana. Or, if a girl, Elizabeth, after the planeless aircraft carrier.

      • bluedog

        A colour spread in Hello! of the Christening with Camilla trying to look cheerful while holding Princess Diana in her arms would be quite something. Revenge, as they say…

        • Inspector General

          Such a name would curse the child almost from day one. This ‘toddler of hearts’ being let loose in a minefield with only AIDS sufferers to help her defuse the ordinance.

          • bluedog

            No, no, Inspector, you have it all wrong, you’re being Nancy Negative on this one. See the glass as half full, rather than half empty. The possibilities of a second Diana are endless.

          • Inspector General

            We’re all Nancy Boys now, Bluedog. That’s how it is.

          • bluedog

            Are we?

      • Royinsouthwest

        If it is a boy they could not name him after the other planeless aircraft carrier because his elder brother is in line for the title Prince of Wales.

    • Linus

      You’ve all got it wrong. The child will be called Carole Pippa Doors-to-Manual.

      The elder daughter got the father’s family names, so the younger will get Middleclass monikers.

      Princess Carole has a nice ring to it. Exactly the kind of blunt, low, bourgeois sound that will characterise the relationship between the royal family and the monarchy when Baldy Bill and Waity Katy mount the throne.

  • Inspector General

    Madam. It is unlikely Morgan, or any other smart arsed wretch of his ilk, will ever get to grips with Islam on the television. This would be due to an understandable wish to continue to stay alive in our multicultural paradise .

    However, it does not preclude him from getting David Lammy. A simple question to start. Why was it that a peaceful demonstration marking the sudden passing of a black individual evading collaring by the police ended with young male negroes pelting the police with whatever they could get their hands on.

    The supplementary question being thus: Could this general lawless violent attitude by those discernables to authority go some way to explain why the police, white AND black officers, hold such antipathy towards them…

  • Inspector General

    “Diana, where are you!”

    “I’m on the potty, mummy”

    “Well hurry up. There’s a crowd of diseased homosexuals wanting to shake your hand”

    “You must be f_____g joking!”

    “Language, little one. After that, it will be time for your enema”

    “Where’s Esther Rantzen when a girl needs her” {Sobs}

  • Royinsouthwest

    A good suggestion. Perhaps you could get a job on the Equalities and Human Rights Commission but first you will have to persuade Dannybhoy who comments on this blog to change his name to Dannidear!

  • Manfarang

    The majority of Germans continue to view their personal economic situation as positive. There seems to be little desire for change in the country.

    • Chefofsinners

      Your average Fritz has a tendency to follow his Fuhrer without question.

      • Manfarang

        What amazing insight!

        • Chefofsinners

          On the part of Fritz you mean? Not really. The hive mind has economic advantages, but at the cost of being truly human.

          • dannybhoy

            :0)

          • Manfarang

            Three Men on the Bummel eh?

          • Chefofsinners

            Indeed. Those famous prophetic words will bear quoting one more time:

            “Hitherto, the German has had the blessed fortune to be exceptionally well governed; if this continues, it will go well with him. When his troubles will begin will be when by any chance something goes wrong with the governing machine.”

          • Manfarang

            Well they are the cousins of the English.

    • bluedog

      That wouldn’t be because Germany runs a current account surplus of 8.5% of GDP, would it? If so, in flagrant breach of EU diktats, proving that not all diktats are equal where the Bundesrepublik is concerned. Astounding mercantilism. It’s amazing that the suckers remaining in the EU put up with it.

  • Sir John Oldcastle

    It won’t be long before those deemed ‘unworthy’ will be forcibly parted from their internal organs, so that those who deem themselves ‘great and mighty’ may have their ‘useful’ lives extended.

    What is proposed is but the first step on that evil pathway.

  • SonoView

    With regard to the Secretary of State for Health chaos, I was confronted by another of his “brainwaves” recently.

    I received a letter notifying me of an appointment at my local hospital. An additional requirement to “turning up at the right place on the right day at the right time or we will erase your name from the book of life” was that I should bring with me my passport or other photo identity, and a household bill containing my home address. This was to prove that I was not a “health tourist” or some such nonsense.

    Now I know that tourism has acquired a bad name recently. But honestly,compared to the delights of Barcelona or the flesh pits of the Costa Packet, who would want to sit in a dreary waiting room for several hours reading old copies of “Hello” magazine, then to be seen by a 14 year old masquerading as a doctor (or even worse a noctor – that is a nurse masquerading as a doctor).

    Of course I refused, and told the receptionist exactly what I thought of this brainless, pointless idea. (Actually I was very polite because she was a nice lady and it was not her fault).

    I was still seen by the 14 year old!

    • Chefofsinners

      No doubt the 14 year old was a foreign student with qualifications ‘equivalent’ to A-levels, obtained on the dark net.

  • Royinsouthwest

    I was in a cafe earlier today which provides a selection of newspapers. The only one left was the Sun (which stopped featuring topless girls on page 3 a few years ago) so I read that. There were a couple of articles critical of Rees-Mogg’s “bigoted” views in it. One was by Jeremy Clarkson, of Top Gear fame, who claimed that Rees-Mogg was no more entitled to his own views than a paedophile would be.

    The Sun is supposed to be a right-wing newspaper but it seems that the mainstream media is increasingly expressing the same uniformly intolerant views all in the name of diversity and tolerance.

    • Chefofsinners

      The article is viewable here:

      https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.thesun.co.uk/news/4424597/jeremy-clarkson-says-anti-abortion-jacob-rees-mogg-reveals-himself-to-be-an-idiot-over-views/amp/

      “I figured, we stoned our religious zealots to death about 500 years ago. We have vicars now to help us drink tea when our husband has died. And to raise money to repair the church’s roof. Not to stand in a pulpit screaming and yelling about how abortion is murder.”
      “You may say they are entitled to their opinion and that in a free country, it’s only right and proper that their voices be heard. But you’re wrong. They are not entitled to their opinion any more than a paedophile is entitled to say his hobby is harmless. They are muddle-headed and ridiculous. That’s it. End of.”

      This is the man who thinks a producer is there to be used as a punchbag when he is hungry.

      • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

        Mr. Clarkson does not mere speak out of his arse, he is the arse.

        • Chefofsinners

          He is the pus in the pimple in the sweaty crack of the arse of Piers Morgan.

          • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

            That image is too horrible to contemplate…

          • dannybhoy

            Totally gross.

      • Linus

        This is a man who has the ear of a significant portion of the kind of people who used to support your religion.

        If even the right-wing windbags have abandoned you, you’re no longer have a constituency.

        • Chefofsinners

          This is a man nobody wants on their side. But he’s yours.

          • Linus

            He’s a man who commands huge personal popularity, has sold millions of books and is commonly seen as the voice of the man in the street.

            I don’t like many of his opinions, but the fact that he supports abortion is a good indicator that the man in the street supports it too, which means an anti-abortion leader will have a very difficult time connecting to the kind of voter who’ll have to vote for him if he’s to have any chance of being elected.

          • Chefofsinners

            Brand Clarkson is not what it was. Multiple indiscretions have reduced him to needing to ingratiate himself with the MSM, as he does in this article. At the height of his popularity he was still an arse, but at least one who had the courage to speak his mind.

          • Linus

            Clarkson’s views have evolved over the years. Unlike you, he is capable of change because his beliefs aren’t grounded in an obsessive/compulsive personality disorder.

          • Chefofsinners

            My views have evolved. I began with the assumption that you were a moderately intelligent, well meaning person, a little damaged by some unfortunate experiences but actually seeking the truth.

          • Linus

            Your views have devolved, you mean.

            And that’s the only way Pixtians can change. Retrograde movement transforming them from grunting cavemen to knuckle-dragging Neanderthals.

          • Brian

            But Linus – will you speak up for Paedophiles Who Do No Harm – as per the BBC Website today? Clarkson has joined in the popular denunciation of those who have a natural, innate orientation to paedophilia.
            How can this bigotry be right? If you understand what it is like to be bullied for what you are, you must understand this.

          • Linus

            I haven’t seen the article to which you refer and a quick search on the BBC website doesn’t find it. Sometimes domestic British content is not available to international users.

            In any case, my own view is that paedophilia exists and excoriating those who experience the attraction but don’t act on it is counterproductive. If paedophiles think they’ll be lynched just for admitting how they feel, they’ll keep on hiding. And a hidden paedophile who can turn to no-one for help and assistance when the urge to force himself on a child becomes too strong to be resisted is a ticking time bomb.

            I don’t know if Clarkson advocates open hatred and vilification of paedophiles or not, but if he does, someone should tell him this attitude makes attacks on children more likely, not less. When you drive harmful behaviour underground, you contribute to its spread and make it harder to protect potential victims.

            And this is the issue with paedophilia: it causes harm to children. A paedophile cannot satisfy his/her sexual desire without harming a child, which means that society is obliged to penalise and discourage this behaviour in order to protect a vulnerable class of people. In doing so we impose a significant burden on paedophiles by depriving them of the right to sexual expression, however the right of children to be protected from sexual aggression means that paedophiles have no right to have sex with them. Children cannot give informed consent, and sex without informed consent is classified as rape, which is always considered to be a crime.

            Of course this is easy for me to say because I’m not a paedophile therefore outlawing paedophile acts doesn’t place a burden on me. It does however place a burden on paedophiles. And quite a significant one at that. I have an inkling of what that burden must represent for them because as a gay man, Pixtians want to place a similar burden on me. Of course they can’t, because in the case of gay sex acts between consenting adults, no sexual assault, rape or other crime is committed so society has no interest in outlawing gay sex. But it took society a long time to realise that and for centuries gay men were pressured to abstain from sex, so we understand exactly how high the stakes are.

            My own reaction to a paedophile would be compassionate but firm. Yes, it would be a tragedy to find oneself in that position, but it would be an even greater tragedy to harm a child for one’s own pleasure. I would encourage the paedophile to remain continent and avoid situations where the presence of children might lead to temptation. If he offended and I found out about it, I would report him as my responsibility towards protecting children from sexual aggression would take precedence over any responsibility I might have towards him. But that wouldn’t stop me from wanting to alleviate his situation as much as I was able to, although truth to tell, I don’t really know what I could do to help. But that’s life, isn’t it? Some of us draw unlucky cards and we all have to play the hand we’re dealt. That’s what happens in a random universe. We can do our best to help those who are less fortunate than we are, but at the end of the day, our lives are our own and we have to deal with them as best we can. There’s no Sky Pixie to make everything better. Only children and fantasists believe that.

          • Brian

            The page seems to have been removed today; I wonder if someone was ‘flying a kite’, then got a backlash. The BBC and paedophilia are forever linked in the public’s mind through Jimmy Saville. But I have to draw issue with your assertion that “Children cannot give informed consent, and sex without informed consent is classified as rape, which is always considered to be a crime.” First, criminal liability begins pretty early (at 10 or so), so children are clearly considered capable of making moral and legal decisions (though not entering legal contracts such as marriage). Second, we are seeking a growing number of cases of children who think they were born ‘into the wrong sex’ demanding to be treated by their schools as belonging to the other sex. Third, campaigners like Peter Tatchell in the UK have called for a rethinking of attitudes about man-boy love. Do you disagree with Tatchell on this and if so, what is wrong with his support for this?

          • Brian
          • Chefofsinners

            Apart from the anti-Christian asides, good comment. Eminently reasonable and compassionate.

      • CliveM

        What can be said of a man who equates opposition to abortion as being morally equivalent to supporting paedophilia!

        Arse is to flippant a word.

      • Brian

        “They are not entitled to their opinion any more than a paedophile is entitled to say his hobby is harmless.”
        But this is EXACTLY what they are saying now: the BBC has today (11/09/17) published a piece about ‘paedophiles who do no harm’.
        It is time for Harmless Paedophiles to take their place with the LGBTQI+ Community.
        Who care what anyone thinks or looks at (provided it has been created by CGI and not actual photographs)? Privacy rules! Free Association of Free Persons!
        Linus – are you there? Stand up for Harmless Paedophiles and welcome these despised ones into your Community!

    • dannybhoy

      Clarkson speaks to shock and maintain his ‘lad’ image.

      • CliveM

        Good point. One has to remember that he isn’t paid for his thoughtful and balanced analysis, but because he says things that the average meathead in the street can scratch his arse over and agree.

        • IrishNeanderthal

          I read an article by him saying that he wanted to stay in the EU so he could access French restaurants and Polish delis.

          • CliveM

            I suspect there will be French, Italian, Spanish and other European restaurants after Brexit.

            Of course if he’s worried he could move abroad.

      • Royinsouthwest

        He is not a very convincing “lad” when he is an ageing multi-millionaire public schoolboy who carefully cultivates an anti-PC attitude when he is talking about cars, food or drink but shares the attitudes typical of his class on other subjects on the EU, gay marriage, abortion etc.

        If Clarkson were to join the Inspector and his friends in the Mouse and Wheel I think he would soon be exposed as a privileged phoney.

    • John

      I don’t think the world is eagerly looking to The Sun ‘newspaper’ for a bit of moral guidance to be honest.

      • Marcus Stewart

        Nor, regrettably, the CofE, which gave it up as old-fashioned.

  • Linus

    Even the famously bigoted and homophobic Sun has turned on you and repented of its queer-bashing ways, has it?

    Oh my, you really are isolated now, aren’t you? Where can you turn, apart from here of course, for your daily dose of homophobic hatred?

    Rees-Mogg’s campaign for the leadership is holed beneath the waterline before it’s even launched. He seems to be the only one who hasn’t noticed the gaping hole in the hull and is still blithely planning to sail to victory in an unseaworthy tub.

    When his campaign is launched (if it gets that far) and promptly sinks to the bottom of the sea, he’ll cling on like mad shouting “full steam ahead, glugg, glugg, glugg.” As the waves close over him he’ll command them in the name of Sky Pixie to part forthwith, and when they don’t, all that will remain of him is a little slick of brylcreem and a few bubbles as the hot air of which his lungs are full slowly rises to the surface.

    Another Tory leadership hopeful sinks with hardly a trace leaving a few lifeboats in his wake and an iceberg with the name Corbyn carved into it bearing down on them ominously.

    • Inspector General

      From the ‘Urban Dictionary’
      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
      gay-rage

      A temper tantrum observed in homosexual men who exhibit emotional behaviour of a female coupled with the strength of a man. Such deadly pairing is particularly worrisome given that crimes, such as assault and/or murder committed in a gay-rage usually reveal a gory and violent confrontation above normal levels (i.e. excessive bruising, multiple gunshot or stabbing wounds)

      • Linus

        From the real Urban Dictionary, not the fake made-up one that exists in that mad old bigot the Inspector’s mind, such as it is:

        Gay rage

        The built up anger from being closeted about your homosexuality; a manic rage resulting from denying your own sexual preference of your own gender.

        • Inspector General

          But you needn’t be ragefull here, Linus. We all love you. We just have to work on you to make you better. Don’t give up hope, you will get better.

        • Chefofsinners

          From the normal dictionary for normal people not obsessed with sex.
          Gayrage: place where you keep your car.

          • Linus

            Your dictionary is as skewed as your beliefs.

            Ignorance va de soi if you can’t trust your primary sources.

          • Inspector General

            And help you shall have! First, know thyself…

            “The symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder include: grandiose sense of importance, preoccupation with unlimited success, belief that one is special and unique, exploitative of others, lacks empathy, is arrogant, and is jealous of others. These symptoms cause significant distress in a person’s life.”

            https://psychcentral.com/disorders/narcissistic-personality-disorder-symptoms/

          • Linus

            Letting it all hang out this evening, aren’t you old bigot? Confession time, eh?

            I agree, that description fits you perfectly. Now that you have a diagnosis, what are you going to do about it?

            If I were you, I wouldn’t waste my money on therapy. I mean, you clearly don’t have a great deal of spare cash from your litre-a-day whiskey habit. Certainly not enough to pay for the hard-bitten and experienced shrink you would need to make any kind of difference to the suppurating mess that is your psyche.

            Far better just to add a few pounds per day to your whiskey merchant’s bill. Up the dosage a bit and pass out a little earlier in the day. That’ll make the time until you croak go more quickly.

          • Inspector General

            “Narcissistic rage and narcissistic injury. Narcissistic rage is a reaction to narcissistic injury, which is a perceived threat to a narcissist’s self-esteem or self-worth. … Narcissistic rage reactions are not limited to personality disorders and may be also seen in catatonic, paranoid delusion and depressive episodes.”
            https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_rage_and_narcissistic_injury
            “It has also been suggested that narcissists have two layers of rage. The first layer of rage can be thought of as a constant anger (towards someone else), with the second layer being a self-aimed wrath.[3]”

            Self aimed wrath now. Come on, type it out…

          • Chefofsinners

            Park it, Linus.

  • Marcus Stewart

    Hear, hear: Christianity’s tediously fair game for the heathen PC liberals, never Islam. Maybe that’s ‘cos Morgan worries that a foreign-looking man with a machete might lurk in the vicinity of his home should his lips loosen – or maybe he’s just a bigot himself.

    • Inspector General

      Can’t see Morgan moving in with Salman Rushdie just yet (for younger listeners SR is an Islamic apostate who has been condemned to death by the religion of peace. They’ll probably get him in the end, but he really has enjoyed an astonishing run of luck to date).

      Morgan is especially loathed by the LGBT community, as he refuses to accept that a man in a wig and dress can be a woman if he wants. Much as the Inspector, who got there first. Take note of that, Morgan! Credit, where credit is due, you know…

      • dannybhoy

        Inspector, you and Linus are starting to resemble a double act. Your diatribes against gaydom provide him with the opportunities he craves, namely talking about himself and his unreasonable hatred for Christianity…

        • Inspector General

          He suffers from an irritable gaynus, Danny. He comes here for ointment to be rubbed in to soothe his discomfort.

      • Marcus Stewart

        I’m most upset that, apparently, Morgan agrees with me about something.

  • Linus

    Morgan wasn’t interviewing a Pixlim. Rees-Mogg is a Roman Catholic Pixtian. He was being grilled on his beliefs, not someone else’s.

    • Royinsouthwest

      Do you think he should interview Muslim politicians about their beliefs or not?

      • Linus

        If they’re campaigning for leadership positions which could lead to their religious views influencing policy, of course they should be asked questions about what they believe.

    • The Duke of Umberland, England

      Grilled?

      But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars—they will be consigned to the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death.

      • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

        Surely the second death is being forced to watch ‘Strictly Come Dancing’?

        • The Duke of Umberland, England

          You make me smile.

        • Chefofsinners

          I noted with disappointment that you were not among the celebrity contestants, Mrs P. Your place has been usurped by a gay vicar in sequins…
          Have you seen Mr Slope lately?

          • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

            Alas am no celebrity, dear Chef, nor do I wish to be…I shall simply reign here as Queen of Tarts (or Hobnobs)

      • Linus

        More Pixiebook quotes, as if chanting words can make your phantom Sky Pixie a reality.

        Pixtians really are children. How to get rid of you? Oh, I know!

        Expelliarmus!

        • Chefofsinners

          Expellilinus

          • Jonathan

            Much to my horror I found myself reading some of the troll’s vile rantings. But then I remembered I hadn’t logged in, hey presto – he is gone and his fellow trolls too. Must be something in your response working 🙂

          • Sarky

            Confundo!!

          • Linus

            No more effective than your other spells, I’m afraid. Still here. Clearly your magic isn’t strong enough.

          • Chefofsinners

            Ah… here it is… Block User

          • Linus

            Ah, the spell of willful self-delusion. If you can’t see me, it doesn’t matter what I say. Ignorance is bliss.

            Not for you though. Your kind of Pixtian faith requires an enemy against whom you can make a spectacle of your “biting wit”. You need to shine and even more, to be seen to shine, and to be praised for it. If your fellow Pixtians didn’t think you were a jolly good fellow, what would the point be? You only chose them and their mean little religion because they’re so witless, they laugh at you miserable, tuppeny ha’penny jokes. All you want is an audience.

            As your humour relies on denigration and condemnation, anyone who offers a target for your hackneyed one-liners and sad little puns is manna from Pixie Paradise for you. Until they expose you for the talentless poseur you really are, that is. Then they become anathema. Pixie Punishment Camp has no fury like a Pixtian scorned.

            Go ahead and block me. Prove that you can’t deal with me and that your Sky Pixie gives you no power to vanquish your enemies. It matters little to me because whatever you do, I win. Either I prove that you’re not up to the job of dealing with those who debunk Pixtianity and, like Crappy Jack and the token American, you simply stick your fingers in your ears and shout “I’m not listening!” when you lose an argument. Or I pick every argument you advance to pieces and expose the bigotry, hatred and animus on which they are founded.

            Logic and reason always win. Pixtian superstition always loses. Blame Satan if you like. I know you’ll never blame yourself.

          • Inspector General

            Sweetpea, the Inspector will NEVER block you. But he will go after you, as you know…

          • Linus

            He’ll hang off my every word like the adoring little girl he is, you mean.

            Your fascination with gay men says everything about you that needs to be said. You long to be dominated and abused and are constantly throwing yourself in the path of my fist. Well, any gay fist you can find really. You’re a promiscuous old masochist, aren’t you?

            If that’s how you get your kicks, good luck to you. You show non-Pixtians what it means to be a follower of Sky Pixie, so although it might not be obvious to begin with, even you, miserable as you are, have some value. Keep up the good work. The disgust and revulsion you inspire all work to the greater glory of the secular cause.

          • Chefofsinners

            You misunderstand.
            ‘Block User’ is merely a serving suggestion for those who like their blog without wormwood seasoning.
            I care for you far too much to block you. Or to deprive you of my wit and charm.

          • Linus

            “… your wit and charm, such as they are.” you mean.

            It would be no great deprivation, I assure you. The day this echo chamber implodes and sends its denizens scrambling for cover like the terrified rats and cockroaches they are will be a happy day indeed. When that day comes, which given the speed at which Pixtianity is collapsing in the UK and the advanced age of most of those who comment here, probably isn’t that far away, I will be a happy man indeed. No longer having to sully myself by contact with this age’s untouchables and pariahs will be a great relief.

            In the meantime, I sacrifice my own comfort for the sake of those who struggle to free themselves from the bonds of Pixtian hatred and am thus forced to deal with the bigots who try to enslave them. People like you. The lowest of the low. Not just a common garden bigot. But a bigot’s jester and court fool.

            Ah well, the snotty little class clown is part of the deal when you take on a class of brats and ne’erdowells. Keep posturing away and trying to make your classmates snigger. I’ll keep yawning and wondering when, if ever, you’re going to grow up.

          • Chefofsinners

            How thoughtful of you to talk about yourself at such length. It really is fascinat…zzzzzzzzz

      • Sarky

        I’ll bring the marshmallows!!

    • DespiteBrexit

      <— The point went that way.

  • Chefofsinners

    Here’s enow for sad thinking.
    It has been a joyful week. Princess Kate is with child. She has also won damages against a scurrilous French rag which treated her horribly.
    The last test match of the summer has ended in victory.
    It is the last night of the proms.
    Rule Britannia!

    • And more good news Jacob has joined the Brexit Select Committee. It might actually happen.

    • dannybhoy

      Ah, it stirs the blood doesn’t it, and in the mind’s eye one sees a ‘newsreel’ of the highlights both national and personal, of our great country over the centuries..

  • Inspector General

    An Inspector hopes you all managed to experience the finale of the Last Night of the Proms. White culture at its best, it is. Sorry, pampered lesser cultures therein the UK. Not for you tonight. Strictly for us…

    Slightly besmirched by so many EU flags in view. But as the years go by, and we go from strength to strength after our unfortunate years, there will be fewer of them. Until one year, there will be none at all.

    Well done to all concerned.

  • Inspector General

    Fellows. If you have time this afternoon, you may want to bone up on the Lammy Review. The Inspector is.

    His conclusion thus far…

    Lammy has come out with a crock of anti white drivel. He’s basing his findings on a discredited assumption. That BAME types are no more prone to criminal behaviour than the indigenous peoples. Empirical evidence of behavioural traits from immigrants countries of origin show this to be a myth. Further, such behaviour is clearly innate as much of it was ‘introduced’ into this country by the sons of immigrants. Murderous gangs armed with firearms roaming the streets, for example, illustrated only too recently by the killing of a 14 year old and serious injuring of a 17 year old by firearm.

    Whether any good will come from what Lammy has found is debatable, and for sure, nothing will come from the report as presented. All are equal under the law and should remain so. We cannot afford to have pampered special interest groups, and an Inspector wonders if Lammy in his desires is stealing a march from the militant homosexuals who have gained so much consideration for little or no reason.

    • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

      The Lammytations of Jezzamiah the Prophet

      • Chefofsinners

        Chapter 1 verse 1:

        Everyday buckit a go a well, wan day he battam drap out.

        World without end. Amen.

        • Inspector General

          Not from the Jamaican National Anthem by any chance, Chief…

      • Inspector General

        Quite beyond bizarre, Mrs Proudie…

        Take this scenario. Two youths are arrested for street robbery. CCTV bears out witness statement showing both had equal participation. One lad ticks the BAME box and gets assistance therapy or whatever the apologists for crime would call probation. And he doesn’t get a criminal record, should at some future date he might choose to work honestly for a living. It wouldn’t look good on his CV. Meanwhile, the other lad gets the full weight of the criminal justice system thrown at him. But don’t worry, because he’s white, he’ll have an easy time of it, apparently.

        Madam. The Inspector will read no more of it…

        • andrew

          Reminds me of a video I watched about a year ago of Piers Telemacque, black president of the student NUC organisation, claiming he’d been harassed and questioned by police at a bus stop in Bradford in relation to a robbery that had taken place near by. Piers spends the majority of the video ranting and raging about the inerrant, racist nature of white police men, insisting in his own view he’d only been stopped because he is black, and therefore guilty by race. However, before the video ends he informs the viewer that according to the officers own words, piers matched the physical description of the assailant, and therefore had to be questioned due to similar appearence and proximity to the crime lol. So it turns out the police were right to question him, and thus eliminate piers from their inquiries. Yet he still believed the police owed him an apology. And this man gets to propagandise across student platforms nationally.

    • Chefofsinners

      “bone up” on the Lammy review?
      Surely there are other ways of showing your disapproval?

    • Guardian’s Quitter

      Unfortunately to bone up on the Lammy Review would be a waste of my limited three score and ten. Besides I know it will be a pile of racist drivel that blames Evil White People, and quite possibly Brexit.

      • Inspector General

        Sir. You have the greatest of insight.

        Lammy chose, for reasons best known to him, BAME. Black Asian Multi Ethnic. For Asian, we must consider that to be sub continent. The only other sizeable Asian group in the UK is the Chinese. (NOTE FOR DETRACTORS: Yes Yes, there may be a large group of Vietnamese in Bristol for all one knows, but that is beside the point). Anyway, they are quite remarkable people, the Chinese and smaller groups, in their keeping within the law. The sub continent and white offending percentage per head is around the same.

        One can only assume that Lammy is thinking first, foremost, or even only, of young male negroes, and is using the others as an overcoat to sneak through his special interest group.

  • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

    Blair has been spouting on the Electric Magic Lantern…I need to vomit

    • Inspector General

      Indeed, Mrs Proudie. The duplicitous rogue is offering what cannot be delivered.

      For those not in the know, here’s how the EU works.

      They decide on something. In this case the free movement of people, then they give it to the individual members to implement. The following choices may be made available for said governments…

      Implement in full
      Implement in part and within a few years implement in full
      Delay implementation for a few years then implement in full

      What the EU will never ever agree to is what Blair is asking for. To wit, implement in full then implement in part and never in full. It’s ridiculous. Blair knows this but he is a compulsive liar.

      • michaelkx

        “Blair knows this but he is a compulsive liar” inspector you never made such a true comment.

    • David

      Is there a bucket large enough to contain the many who are also vomiting ?

  • Hi

    As an interfaith ecumenical gesture I shall be voting for the vicar in strictly come dancing . I’m sure the rest of you will be too ?

    • CliveM

      As a matter of taste, I won’t be watching it!!

    • Chefofsinners

      I too will be making a gesture.

  • CliveM

    I would like to avoid ‘imagining ‘ Cherie at all.

  • Dodgy Geezer

    …By the by, one looks forward to those criticising Mr. Rees-Mogg’s “archaic” views on marriage, abortion and homosexuality, to be equally vocal in criticising Islam for the same. Ah… the sound of silence is somewhat deafening….

    We have, of course, Gibbon’s view on the effect of Christianity. He saw it as a major cause of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire. I see that its damaging impact on proud and powerful nations has not diminished since those days…

    • andrew

      Hilarious. So pagan degeneracy, lust for pointless wars, greed, corruption and financial miss-management are never the reason for decline, when Christianity’s in town. Thing is tho you can’t win with scholars. Early Christianity is either too thin on the roman ground to have had any kind of major impact, let alone confirm the lives of Saint Peter and Saint Paul, or Christianity was so powerful and concocting that it actually played a major role in the fall and decline of Rome. Good to know our dear secular experts are to be as trusted as ever.

      • Dodgy Geezer

        You have a problem – take it up with the shade of Edward Gibbon. I fancy that he was a better historian than you will ever be….