Mrs Proudie
Meditation and Reflection

Mrs Proudie: armoured clergy, the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch and a muddled Pope

 

Goodness! I am always telling Mr. Slope to take precautions, for one never knows what is lurking around the corner. News of the dreadful event at St.-Etienne de Rouvray arrived by post chaise the other evening, and immediately raised the spectre of an attack on one or more of our own parish churches here in Barset. Indeed, the savages have warned Britain is next! Fortunately, the Bishop and I have a solution. We have raided The Palace Armoury and distributed the suits of armour, helmets, gorgets, gauntlets and wot-not to diocesan clergy with an episcopal dispensation to slap on a coat of liturgical colours and wear the said outfit for all future services.

Mr. Slope has reservations and thinks this strikes a ‘Crusader’ tone, but I think it eminently sensible. I asked him to drive me to some of the local parishes to see what measures are being taken to enhance security. At Hogglestock Mr. Quiverful has placed a gatling gun in the clerestory and has shown one of his numerous brood to use it. A tad zealous perhaps, but impressive. At Crabtree Canonicorum parishioners have joined in a splendid example of community action by digging a moat around the entire village. The incumbent at Puddingdale has trained his choir boys in the Eastern Art of Ninja (he was an oriental scholar at Fu Manchu College, Oxbridge), and at Framley the drive to the parsonage has been mined. Of course, the Cathedral has the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch tucked away amongst the relics, so we are more than ready (and just in case any of His Grace’s communicants are aghast at my approval of relics, let me just say I am much Broader than I was!) Who now says the Church Militant is moribund?

Politics is a grubby business – perhaps that’s why Comrade Corbynski blends in so well? At least he’s got the Trots behind him… (nasty in the extreme-but bananas are wonderfully binding, I believe), which must be comforting. Diane Abbott, too, has been a splendid support, lending a hand in all sorts of ways. One does so hope he wins the leadership election – he is the gift that keeps on giving. John Bold, however, thinks Corbyn is wonderful, and thoroughly approves of Labour’s programme of radical reform. Well, he would, but until he develops common sense he is persona non grata at The Palace.

I have come to the conclusion Brexit is like Godot. We wait, but nothing happens. I suspects plots, deals and conniving behind the scenes. Mustafa Fatwah from the High Street Curry House and High Grade Weapons Emporium has been telling customers he doesn’t understand the result at all – he for one voted many, many times, as did his extensive extended family. Mr. Bunce was fiddling with his Nan at the time and overheard the conversation. Naturally he came straight to me.

“This is electoral fraud, Mrs. Proudie. Do you think we should report it?”

“Waste of time and effort, Bunce,” I replied, “Constable Napweed works all the hours God sends tracking down hate-crime telegrams and green-ink letter writers.”

At Gatherum Castle the other evening, the Bishop and I were honoured guests at the ducal table. His Grace, who was once Colonel of the Queen’s Own Mounted Diversity Hussars, posed the question: “When is a war not a war?”

This had us baffled for a while, until the penny dropped.

“Why, Your Grace, when the Pope says it isn’t!”

He is infallible, or so they say. Not that we in the Church of England recognise such nonsense as papal infallibility. It seems to me this Pope is rather muddled, but then he is Hispanic and they are often animated by colour and movement.

Well now, dear things, the hands on the Cathedral clock are pointing at Tiffin Time, and I have a freshly-baked batch of hobnobs waiting, along with Earl Grey and some iced fancies (one has to ring the changes now and then). I have invited the ladies from Greshambury to join me, so I should be able to glean quite a few snippets to share later. Lady Arabella has been to the Democratic Convention and has seen the Hildabeast break the glass ceiling, not to mention every moral code known to man. Adieu, until the next time my dears!

  • IanCad

    ” Queen’s Own Mounted Diversity Hussars”

    Yet again Mrs. P you are full of new information. I had no idea – and that they have been established for some time apparently? Sure stole a march on the Americans who are having to play catch-up in the cause of military diversity. However, they are now bending over themselves to ensure their navy will lead the way in honouring the traditions of “Rum Sodomy and the Lash,” with a special emphasis on ensuring the revival of the second ritual. In the naming of the new naval vessel “Harvey Milk,”
    sanctified in San Francisco as “He Who Led The Way,” the archperv will live on as an invitation for sensitive young lads to come and roll with him on the oceans blue.

    • David

      Ian, As we seem to be in a racy, mischievous mood, I simply have to comment that a greater wit than I could make much of the juxtaposition of the two words, “mounted” and “diversity” I muse. But just ignore my fevered ramblings if you’d prefer – it’s been a difficult morning !

      • IanCad

        That went right beyond me David.
        I have just learned that the ship is under construction at General Dynamics shipyard in San Diego. It is a John Lewis Class Sealift Command oiler.
        Just what will be needed – a lubrication vessel.

  • chefofsinners

    As always, one’s breath is taken by the erudition of your musings, dear lady.
    It is comforting to think of you wearing the full armour. One conjures the image of a ‘Darth Crusader’, ready to smite the foe ‘twixt the hobnobs. Events at St Etienne remind one that Etienne is the French name for the first martyr, Stephen.
    Not that there is a war, of course. That would require both sides to be doing something. This is merely persecution. However I believe you have misheard Catholic doctrine: Francis is held to be ‘infollicle’, a polite term for baldness.

    • David

      May I ask an impertinent question ?
      Is that a cloud atop your headgear, with a cascade of rainfall descending from it, either side of your camouflaged face ? Or does it have a deeper symbolic significance that is quite lost on this plain protestant ?

      • chefofsinners

        ‘Tis merely the chef’s chapeau. One senses that you are deeply troubled, my child. In such circumstances it is easy to read a deeper significance into mundane things. Perhaps this reflects the cloud of an agony, and the cascade of your tears? Whatever your woes, you will find succour in the bosom of Mrs Proudie.

        • David

          Your devious reply tells me most certainly, that you are clearly a wicked foreign agent, who has donned a cunning disguise so as to confuse the good people of Barchester into innocently yielding up their secret defences against the likes of your kind. I fear even Mrs Proudie may not be safe against your evil intentions….. I will investigate further.

        • dannybhoy

          Makes him look kinda Hippyish doncha think?
          Or maybe he got his inspiration elsewhere…

  • bluedog

    Hmmm, St.-Etienne de Rouvray. Sounds like one of those first growths with a good nose and a fine body, although sometimes a little tart on the finish. Rather depends when picked.

    • The Explorer

      Sounds like a description of Mrs Proudie.

      • bluedog

        Surely not.

        • dannybhoy

          Matronly virtue indeed. Yet somewhere -perhaps in her bustle- lurks a sharp mind and delicious wit.
          An arrestable offence to be sure…

          • bluedog

            Remarkably inventive, Mrs P. One wonders how she does it every week, always finding something new.

      • CliveM

        Gasp……………..

        (In the approved HJ manner)

      • David

        Hhmm !
        I am shocked by such crude sexual innuendo !

        Sir, to defend the honour of such an esteemed lady, you are challenged to a duel – by hurling heavy black lectern Bibles at one another from a distance of two sanctuary lengths. The place ? On Barset’s common on any misty dawn of your choosing. I invite no less a “shot” than The Inspector to act as my second. My “man” will convey your response to me. Good day to your Sir !

      • Politically__Incorrect

        Incoming Holy Hand Grenade! Heads down chaps!

      • dannybhoy

        Gasps!!

  • CliveM

    We are in troubling times, with no peace anywhere in the world and in a war that dares not to speak its name.

    Thank you for at least giving us the hope that somewhere there exists a saner and happier world.

    • Anton

      When we ran it!

      • CliveM

        Ah yes the Empires. Halcyon days.

  • David

    These light hearted, but oh so apt and topical missives, from Barset provide an excellent uplift in such dark times I find. Moreover this week’s fine example surpasses , by a clear country mile, even the normally high standards of literary mirth and witty observations that we have grown to expect from Mrs Proudie’s pen.
    Thank you indeed Mrs Proudie.

    • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

      You shall have hobnobs galore, dear David!

      • Politically__Incorrect

        Favouritism indeed!

        • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

          You are allmy favourites dear Politically_Incorrect. Is that a Puritan name by the way, like Praise-God Barebones?

  • Politically__Incorrect

    “Labour’s programme of radical reform”

    I presume you are referring to the party’s self-immolation Mrs P. Yes, I suppose suicide can be considered a kind of radical reform. Still, it’s nice to see Corbyn wearing a suit and tie these days. Apparently he got the idea from Cameron’s mum. I think she has taken the urchin under her wing somewhat. She probably makes him wash his hands after using the little boys room too.

  • chefofsinners

    So, gentlemen, what has your church done to respond to the heightened terrorist threat? Have your wardens met to discuss air raid precautions? Has the Robra committee been convened in the vestry? Has the threat level been raised to purple? Who has risk assessed the exit facilities for one legged lesbian pygmies in the event of mass panic?
    All these questions and more will be asked when the Health and Safety Executive descends following any attack. You had better have answers or you’ll all be going to gaol. Unless you’re dead.

    • Politically__Incorrect

      “what has your church done to respond to the heightened terrorist threat?”

      Well, to start with, there has been more diversity training. The idea is that if we offer the invaders multi-faith services, remove all crucifixes, offer them our homes, wives, daughters, and cattle, while inviting them to demolish the church so as to replace it with a mosque, then we are acting in love and doing Gods will. Though as to which god that is, I am not sure

      • chefofsinners

        Excellent! Pope Francis wants you for a sunbeam.

      • And the goats? Don’t forget the goats.

        • Politically__Incorrect

          They’ll all be in the Synod

          • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

            The Bishop was there last week. So much mimsy you wouldn’t believe. I spent my time handing out tracts in the Bar of Trembling Madness on Stonegate – half the bench of bishops were quaffing inside.

    • Uncle Brian

      Health and Safety Executive? Do they have one of those in France? If so, it doesn’t seem to have done a very good job in the case of St.-Etienne-de-Rouvray. It failed to keep Abbé Hamel safe, let alone healthy. I would place greater reliance on Mrs Proudie’s gorgets and breastplates than on any Health and Safety Executive.

    • Politically__Incorrect

      “Who has risk assessed the exit facilities for one legged lesbian pygmies in the event of mass panic?”

      Don’t worry. I suspect the bishop will be out the door before anyone else

    • Inspector General

      Have a care sir! They eat pygmies in Africa, you know. Shame we can’t swap them for aggressive muslims from the UK who would be much better suited to Boko Harem’s way of doing things…

      • chefofsinners

        Pygmies are not small pigs, Inspector.

        • Inspector General

          You’re probably right…

      • Politically__Incorrect

        Inspector, I hear that our very own chefofsinners cooks a fine snake and pygmy pie, served up with green Party members and other vegetables…which brings me to an interesting conundrum; are vegetarians allowed to eat carnivorous plants? Some people say “yes, but only in self-defence”.

        • chefofsinners

          The Venus Flytrap is edible but the Linus Claptrap is deadly poisonous.

    • dannybhoy

      Our PCC has dealt with threat by strategically shrinking the congregation..

      • Merchantman

        Yours too? Following the success of our evangelical wing after much pondering and consultation: it was banned; whereupon it and its huge numbers of the younger generation was scattered.
        True and too sad to contemplate.
        We don’t need the Muslims to ’empty’ the churches after all.

        • dannybhoy

          That was a bit unkind of me.
          Danny and wife are in a quandary at the moment. I am the first to recognise that we worship where we feel comfortable. As long as our heart is right with God it matters not so much which tradition we follow.
          However since our dear vicar departed to pastures new, we feel increasingly stifled in our dying church. I still struggle with the liturgy; it being foreign to my Christian experience. We don’t want to leave, we value our involvement in Churches Together and our close ties with our Methodist friends, but…
          we need to be challenged, inspired, rebuked even. We need to belong to a live fellowship.

          • chefofsinners

            The important thing is to be where you have a valuable work to do.

          • dannybhoy

            We won’t make any rash decisions but to be with other Christians freely worshipping the Lord would be nice.

          • chefofsinners

            What is nice is not always the same as what we are called to.

          • dannybhoy

            Quite so. As you and the Preacher are pointing out leaderships and leaders can change, and often it’s a case of new wine in old wineskins. The older generation can sometimes be the greatest obstacle to bringing in new believers who may well be rough around the edges.
            So we don’t want to make any sudden moves, just wait and see how the Lord leads.

          • Merchantman

            It was an odd situation I must say. I do think one should not act in haste in a situation like this but wait to see where one is supposed to be. I had quite a lot of friends who had come to that fractured church from various backgrounds and everyone got along very well which made the whole thing so sad. In the end I discovered my very local church ( I mean I can walk there) had miraculously got its act together and so some of the diaspora where there already. I am there and have a sense of purpose. The vicar has managed to keep people happy by having services that work in different ways. A bit vicar of Brayish but a success. The young people though seem to have gone.

          • preacher

            Hi danny, I’d advise a look around other local churches in a ‘visitor’ capacity, pray, take your time & don’t act suddenly. Be aware that any fellowship you join can over the course of time or change of leader, stop being what it used to be when you first joined.
            Continue to share your faith with others, as sometimes this can lead to a positive move. Remember that you can always move on if the new fellowship doesn’t work ( some folk have even moved back to their original Church after a period of time & a change of leadership ).
            Be yourself at all times, but don’t stay where you are not being spiritually fed or used, or you will suffer a spiritual type of suffocation leading to lack of drive & desire to serve, which will nullify your effectiveness & extinguish your joy.
            Hope this helps.
            Bless you both. P.

          • dannybhoy

            Hi and thanks for the advice P.
            There is I think, something going on in many churches; young people and children are disappearing. Many of the traditional churches are dying.
            There’s all sorts of reasons for this, but they don’t help those congregations that are struggling.
            We see needs where we live. We witness and befriend, but there is no awareness of spirituality from a Christian perspective. That sense of right and wrong, of even a rudimentary knowledge of who Jesus is and why His life is significant.
            The point is that we need lively living fellowships where we are. Travelling further afield may help, but we need a Christian witness here.
            Dunno. I need to think some more and pray some more on the issue.

    • sarky

      Threat?? Surely your god will protect you??

      • chefofsinners

        Possibly, but sometimes people like you come to church…

        • sarky

          Are we immune???

          • chefofsinners

            Immune to death? Alas, no. Better make sure you’re ready.

          • sarky

            Ha ha got my plot and humanist celebrant on standby!!!

    • dannybhoy

      http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/peanuts/images/a/a0/Blackjack_Snoopy.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20140428054953

      There now brother Christian! I knew your new avatar reminded me of someone. Snoopy it is!

      • chefofsinners

        Yours reminds me of Sarky. Or some 1970s joke about a Mexican frying an egg. Isn’t it time you treated yourself to a makeover instead of letting bitter envy consume you?

        • dannybhoy

          I don’t have the vivacity or imagination. Anyways, why would I want a makeover when no one knows wot i look like?

  • Inspector General

    It’s desperately sad what’s happened to the British Army, Mrs Proudie. They even take transgendered trannys now. And one suspects what used to be weapons disassembly and re-assembly drill in near darkness has now been replaced by anus sex in near darkness.

    It could be tanks next, receiving rainbow colours and assault rifles painted pink. Regimental mascots to be sent to the slaughterhouse and replaced by drag queens. If the emasculation of the army is in any doubt, the last time the Inspector looked, there were 8000 women soldiers. 8000 of them! What use are they? You can’t send them anywhere. The enemy would laugh and rape them. They should be at home raising the next generation, and if they like the army that much, they could always marry a proper soldier.

    There. Said it.

    {SNORT!}

  • dannybhoy

    “(nasty in the extreme-but bananas are wonderfully binding, I believe), which must be comforting.”
    In my experience completely the opposite Mrs Proudie. In a fit of youthful exuberance I once consumed 15 deliciously ripe bananas whilst working in a plantation abroad
    (No leg irons.)
    For the next two days I was unable to stray far from the communal throne, found myself unpopular with workmates. No, I would recommend crushed hobnobs as an effective binder.

    • chefofsinners

      Linus is a binder. I have seen him binding arind the grinds of the hise in his brine trisers.

      • dannybhoy

        Danny chokes.

      • Eustace

        Oh dear, blood will ite…

        One can’t have been observed in one’s French grinds. No part of them frequented by the family is visible from any public vantage point. And although the rather more promiscuous domestic architecture of the better parts of London might render one visible in certain remote corners of one’s English grinds, the simple fact that nobody above the rank of tosher or privy scraper would ever think of wearing brine in tine instantly reveals any such claim to be utterly spurious.

        Or to couch it in the kind of demotic terms you might more readily comprehend, in ovver werds, yooza tellin’ porkies, innit?

        • chefofsinners

          Bonsoir, Linus. Good to see you coming out again. My interest in your trizers is limited, but what do you make of recent Islamist acts of terror in France. Innit?

          • The Explorer

            He’s given his views on the previous thread.

    • CliveM

      Try holidaying in Morroco, the moments of panic continued for a year.

      Of course this was a long time ago, when Muslims simply seemed quaint.

    • Politically__Incorrect

      Thanks for sharing that with us dannybhoy. I could talk about the time I pebble-dashed a French toilet after eating too much seafood….perhaps not.

      • sarky

        TMI !!

      • dannybhoy

        That’s disgusting…

      • Pubcrawler

        I once had a rather cloudy pint of Tanglefoot which had a 24-hr timer. Almost to the minute. I was impressed by the accuracy.

    • David

      Please be quiet, Sir – there’s far too much scatological information there !
      It almost spoilt my pint of “Old Speckled Hen”.
      Can’t a “hard working” Englishman enjoy a pint of the country’s finest in
      peace ? Is there no decency left ?

      • dannybhoy

        Too much Speckled Hen can also cause erm, plumbing anomalies you know.

        • chefofsinners

          No wonder that hen is speckled.

  • chefofsinners

    One is distressed to hear that Mrs Proudie is much broader than she was. An excess of hobnobs is probably to blame. Or Diane Abbot.
    When it comes to relics, I take my theology from Frankie goes to Hollywood: Relics, don’t do it…

  • dannybhoy

    Slightly off topic, but the Lord has been impressing on me and the wife the need for more prayer and more giving…
    One of the things I value about this blogsite is the kindness and tolerance shown by so many who comment here.
    Christians and non Christians sharing their life experiences, political and theological opinions, their humour, their ailments; even their beer preferences.
    All in a remarkable atmosphere of good natured fellowship and banter.
    That’s a precious thing.
    So may I point you all to something here on the blog I happened on this morning?

    “Over the past 10 years, this blog has raised over £20,000 for good causes – from London’s oldest barber Aaron Biber left distraught by the Tottenham riots, through those left destitute after hurricanes and earthquakes, to the persecuted and traumatised Christians throughout the Middle East. Having been on the .com for two years, this blog is now in need of some fairly major development, which will cost about £250.00 per month over the next year. Can you assist? (Figure below is current monthly income)”

    I never noticed it before, but there it is, under Donations..
    Can I encourage those who like myself haven’t done so before, to make an offering in support of the running of this blog?
    As Cranmer quotes, “God loveth a cheerful giver..”

    • Ivan M

      Is there any other way besides PayPal?

      • chefofsinners

        There is the much cheaper form of support: PrayPal.

        • Ivan M

          The workman is worth his labour…

          • chefofsinners

            Indeed, which is why I have made a donation. Perhaps you could send a postal order to the virtual palace.

          • Ivan M

            Only virtual postal orders are accepted.

          • chefofsinners

            Donate through a third party who has a PayPal account. This will also help maintain your anonymity, like my sunglasses do for me.

          • Ivan M

            I’ll look around. Why didn’t I think of that.

          • Your toque blanche has brasseurs statisme.

          • chefofsinners

            Whereas your nipplesque Jesuit’s hat is the acme of erection.

          • It is as it should be.

        • dannybhoy

          Pious git.

      • dannybhoy

        Yes Ivan. I don’t use PayPal either (must be an old man thing).
        If you follow the instructions through, it asks for your details and right at the end you have the option of not paying through PayPal.
        We bank online so I always avoid PayPal.
        Don’t know why.
        Must be an old man thing…. :0)

  • len

    The Pope has changed ‘reality’ again with another infallible pronouncement. “what war there is no war” …We are all living in ‘cloud cuckoo land ‘and the Pope is the only one to get it right?.
    Isn`t that a symptom of something else?.

    • Uncle Brian

      The ‘Erasmus’ blog at The Economist makes a good point:

      The still-current Catechism of the Catholic Church, published in 1993, draws on church fathers like Augustine and Aquinas to formulate conditions for the legitimate use of force: the aggressor must be inflicting lasting and grave damage; other remedies must have been exhausted; there must be “serious prospects for success”; and the use of weapons must not produce evils and disorders greater than those which are targeted.

      Since then, the Vatican has moved closer to a position of almost unconditional pacifism; it opposed the bombing of Serbia in 1999 and the American-led assault on Iraq in 2003. On the other hand, Pope Francis has not been shy of using the word “genocide” and his representatives have acknowledged the unavoidable moral dilemmas that arise when genocide is looming or in progress already. Last year, the Holy See’s ambassador to the UN in Geneva said it was necessary to use force to protect the religious minorities of Iraq from IS.

      http://www.economist.com/blogs/erasmus/2016/07/catholicism-and-violence

      • Ivan M

        Uncle Brian neither the Serbian or Iraqi war satisfied the ‘just war’ criteria. It was just as well that in the case of Iraq Pope JPII did not sign off on the Iraq war. In the case of Serbia, Orthodox propaganda were veering to turn it into an Orthodox-Catholic fight in the case of Croatia. Though I don’t know if the Croats are Catholic or Protestant. Just war applies in cases where both combatants defer to the authority of the Pope as in the conflict between some South American countries.

        In the main it became an issue for the Catholics in America, between those wanted to bomb Saddam and those who were trying to make a case against it based on the position of the prelates, Benedict included who would not justify the idea of “pre-emptive” war. Much of the energy behind the debate had as much to do with Israel as with Iraq, as the fight spun out as the supporters of Israel were keen to preserve the free-range for the Israelis in Lebanon. It is all water under the bridge now.

        • Uncle Brian

          Thank you, Ivan. You make several interesting points in that comment.

          Though I don’t know if the Croats are Catholic or Protestant

          Croatia is a Catholic country. Significantly, I think, the border between Croatia and Serbia runs in almost exactly the same place as the old border between the Western and Eastern Roman Empire.

          • Ivan M

            JPII was heard to mutter “…and the Croats are angels?” when pressed to condemn the Serbs.

      • len

        ‘All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing’
        To deny the reality of the spiritual war the entire world is in is even worse, it especially does a religious leader no good at all.

        • Uncle Brian

          Once again, Len, I’m in full agreement with you. This has happened so often now that it doesn’t surprise me any more. Here’s a short bit of the comment I posted on the Fireman Sam thread, three days ago:

          We no longer have David Cameron in No. 10 to reassure us that the killers were “not true Muslims.” Regrettably, Pope Francis seems to have taken it upon himself to carry on where Dave left off. … It looks suspiciously as though Francis — like Cameron before him — has chosen to put diplomacy first and truth second.

          http://archbishopcranmer.com/fireman-sam-slips-on-the-quran-and-all-sharia-breaks-loose/

          • len

            I also agree with much that you say Uncle Brian….

  • Inspector General

    Dear fellows in Christ. This is rather an opportune moment to remind all of the bloody awful truth, as the blighter himself is the most latest of communications on this thread.

    Len is a born again loon. He would like nothing better than to dismantle Christianity as an institution and reduce it to a rather nice idea of the mind. He’s more dangerous than Islam itself in the UK, so those of you who listen to him, and agree with him, are accessories after the fact, whatever that means…

    Mind how you go…

    • chefofsinners

      Gerroff Len. On balance, I’d think Christianity would be safer in his hands than yours.

      • Inspector General

        So long as you are aware of the situation. He’s a purist, nothing less. And he will destroy what he finds that doesn’t come up to his standards, given the chance. That includes the CoE, in case you didn’t realise…

        • At least he believes Jesus is Divine, the Son of God and Second Person of the Trinity.

          • Inspector General

            Interesting isn’t it. Man develops in his understanding over time, but not Christianity in Christ’s relationship to our Creator. It was all decided in the 4th century AD. Content with that, Happy Imbecile?

          • Matt A

            You are a little fiery tonight ig!

          • Inspector General

            Our Creator makes contact with us, and further dialogue is forthwith extinguished. Isn’t that astonishing? Now, we are all after the truth, so why is it that ‘custodians of Christianity’ like Hapless Jack are so unsettled…the truth is still there, whatever we pretend it is…

          • Jesus was God’s “emissary”? No more than a representative on a special mission? Please stop claiming to be a Roman Catholic and, if you actually go to Mass, consider a visit to Confession before receiving the Eucharist. You are in a state of latae sententiae excommunicaton as a heretic who has repeatedly and wilfully denied a dogma of the Church. This is not a trivial matter.

          • Inspector General

            You must be coming up for your 500th birthday soon. Do say when…

          • Well let’s hope you recant before your last birthday.

          • Inspector General

            You are a rather sinister individual, but let us not allow that to detract us from your love of Christ…

          • …. or from your absence of faith.

          • chefofsinners

            Reflect on Matthew 22 verses 41 to 45, IG. If you don’t possess a bible, the words are readily available online.

          • Reflect?

          • chefofsinners

            Presuming he has a reflection.

          • Uncle Brian

            Ch[i]ef
            That’s a passage I’ve never fully understood (together with its parallels in Mark and Luke and possibly also John 7.40-42). There seem to be several possibilities. Jesus is not denying that he is a descendant of David, but is he confirming it or is he not giving a clear answer either way? And what, exactly, is the correct answer to his question about the Messiah? Is he implying that descent from David is not necessary, or does he stop short of putting it so bluntly?

          • chefofsinners

            The answer to Jesus’ conundrum is that He is the Son of God as well as the being the son of David. Thus He is David’s Lord. This is what He was pointing out. Without understanding this, the Pharisees could never really know Him.
            The correct answer to the same question was given by Peter: “You are the Christ, the Son of the living God.” (Matthew 16:13-20). Jesus’ reply was “on this rock I will build my Church”. I believe Jesus meant that Peter’s statement was the rock, although Jack would say it was Peter himself.

          • Uncle Brian

            I’ve been puzzling about this saying, on and off, ever since I read Joachim Jeremias’s book, Jerusalem in the Time of Jesus, a few years ago. One of the things he says about it is, “Jesus resists the political idea of Messiah, appealing to Psalm 110; at no point do we find Jesus denying his Davidic origin.” But when I looked at the verse in Matthew, it occurred to me that at no point do we find him asserting it, either. Your answer today has helped clear things up. Thank you, Chief.

          • chefofsinners

            Jesus is also clear about His Davidic origin in Matthew 21 v15-16:

            “But the chief priests and scribes were indignant when they saw the wonders He did and the children shouting in the temple courts, “Hosanna to the Son of David.”
            “Do you hear what these children are saying?” they asked. “Yes,” Jesus answered, “have you never read: ‘From the mouths of children and infants You have ordained praise’ ?

          • The Explorer

            There is one God, and Jesus is his prophet. Christianity, Inspector style.

          • Blessings be upon him.

          • The Explorer

            God and his emissary makes two. Where does the Trinity come from?

          • The Explorer

            Never mind the 4th Century AD. In a right-angled triangle the area of the square of the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the areas of the squares of the other two sides.

            That was decided in around 500BC and we’re still stuck with it. Isn’t it time we moved on from it?

          • Inspector General

            Not really. It is correct. But when Christ talks about his father in heaven…

          • All Christians are, Inspector Haw Haw.

    • CliveM

      Been on the drink again Inspector. You’re sounding ‘relaxed’

    • No he’s not. Where do you get the idea Len’s more dangerous than Islam in the UK. He doesn’t go around telling young boys that they can have sex slaves for starters. He doesn’t radicalise young boys and men to commit evil acts in the name of their religion and encourage them to wage war.
      As for dismantling the CofE, that might be a good thing!

      • Inspector General

        But…

    • Ivan M

      Len is Protestantism taken to its logical conclusion. You got that right Imperialist.

    • David

      Len has a solid, consistent, strong and theologically conservative protestant faith. I can respect that. It may not be to your taste, but let’s not attack stout defenders of Christianity shall we. We have enough enemies without…….
      Enjoy the sunshine, Inspector.

    • len

      Do I need to defend Jesus direct command to be’ born again’?. Don`t thing so….

  • Inspector General

    You all heard the man. Get ‘born again’. And don’t forget to close all your churches down. Henceforth Christianity will be of the mind. There will be nothing tangible about it. Besides, its idolatrous, isn’t it?

    Right then, present yourselves down at the canal. Len has some dipping to do…and remember this – you’re only a Christian if Len says so…

    • dannybhoy

      IG, to a degree it depends on what you were brought up to believe and practice. My background is completely evangelical rather than Protestant, although I was brought up to believe the Pope was the antiChrist etc. etc!
      I have mixed with a great many people of various traditions, but I still see the New Testament as teaching the need for the (spiritual) new birth, for recognising the need to die to the old (carnal) life and its appetites, and live in the newness of the resurrection life. That’s what I believe.
      Yet there are other folk who approach their Christian faith as a kind of strict club which requires tremendous discipline and commitment, without any kind of spiritual renewal as described in John 3 where our Lord tells Nicodemus (a learned religious leader) that “He must be born again of the Spirit.”
      For those people I have nothing but respect, would not deliberately pick an argument with them, would listen and learn, and as long as they accepted that my belief in being born again is valid we might become good friends.

      • Inspector General

        Len is anti organised religion. Yet he commands so much respect here. Can’t understand it.