mrs proudie
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The letters of St Paul have always needed a woman’s touch

Oh my Goodness, what a week! Barchester may have settled into the slumbering season of mists and mellow fruitfulness, but the rest of the world continues to be rocked by events, both political and climactic.

Most incredibly, the Pope has been declared a heretic by members of his own church, a tricky situation if ever there was. The faggots are being collected even as we speak. The Revd. Mr. Chantry-Pigg, Anglican chaplain in Rome, writes that the Curia is outraged, the drawbridge has gone up and the Bishop of Rome is in incommunicado for the foreseeable future, sitting in a darkened room, hands clasped over both ears whilst intoning, ‘La, la, la, la,’ several hundred times in a syncopated Jesuitical way. It is his own fault, of course, and that of those who elected him, for what can a crypto-communist peddler of St. Marx bring to the throne of St. Peter other than deception, disharmony and subterfuge? One must always remember he wears red socks. The question is, will officers of the Holy Inquisition come knocking on the doors of the papal apartment asking to ‘have a word’? Oh to be a fly on that wall!

Our charity tombola in aid of the Mexican earthquake was well attended by the clotted cream of Barset society and some well-scrubbed riff-raff. The Archdeacon was delighted to win the colourful sombrero donated by Signora Vesey Neroni (I believe she once had a dalliance with an onion-seller from Valencia named Pepe), and Mr. Harding’s winning ticket brought him a pair of lovely maracas which he intends to shake at Matins. There was quite a hullabaloo when Mr. Slope got his piñata trapped in the revolving door bringing tears to his eyes, but the application of a hobnob-poultice worked wonders. There are some who think the devastation in Mexico City is divine retribution for what happened at Querétaro, but that is just nonsense.

There are signs that Deutschland has begun to erwachen at last, as support for Frau Merkin dwindles and the Alternatives become the third-largest party in the Reichstag. Is this the turning of the tide? True, the ‘Erika’ has returned to the Chancellery, and her arms are still open-wide for the beggars of Bengal and the suicide-bombers of Syria, not to mention their sisters and their cousins and their aunts. Such generosity with other people’s money, such cavalier attitude towards German history and culture, but then Frau Merkin was a whiz at Agitprop in her youth. As Archdeacon Grantly once said, “When is a spy not a spy? Why, when she is Bundeskanzler, of course.”

Constable Knapweed apprehended a heavily-veiled woman in the High Street yesterday after she threw a noxious substance into the faces of passers-by. This sort of thing is becoming increasingly common in the capital these days, with victims being scarred for life. The Jupiter later reported on the incident, and revealed the would-be assassin was Mustafa Fatwah’s mother-in-law (one of the many) and the liquid in question was a batch of Mustafa’s extra-vindaloo curry made to a recipe from one of his other mothers-in-law. Family feuds, eh? Barchester residents were much relieved to learn that the incident had nothing to do with Islam.

Occasionally one lends a hand when my Lord the Bishop struggles to write his Sunday sermon: a flick of the wrist here and a squiggle with the quill there and one brings a certain sparkle to the letters of St. Paul, which I have always felt needed a woman’s touch. It appears that certain officials in the Holy Zollverein helped Mrs. Dismay draft her Florence speech in which she sold out Brexit and the British people in the guise of reasonable compromise. Has ever a British prime minister sunk so low? Despite having supped appeasement-pudding hot, it did not save her from a savaging by the Tusk on the steps of Number 10, no less. The Zollverein wants more, like Gargantua, and one would not be at all surprised to learn Tereason May was planning to give up all: after all, she has given up all sense of decency – and patriotism – long ago.

I fear it gets worse: Mrs. Dismay has now threatened a trade-war with the United States after the latter slapped extortionate tariffs on our Bombardiers. I had no idea we were exporting private soldiers to America, but can only assume it is part of the whittling-down of British armed forces initiated by Mr. Cameldung’s government under the direction of the Boggarts of Berlaymont. Every action and decision taken by this inept, kitten-shoed blunderer has backfired, but then she was Cameldung’s apprentice. She must go, and soon.

Plantagenet Palliser for P.M.!

Or the Moggster.

Oh well, as the miasma of disillusion settles on the groundsheet of optimism, and the tilt-hammer of gender politics beats the bejazus out of the pig-iron of social conservatism, I bid you adieu.

  • len

    The Pope has been declared a heretic by his own Church.
    Well, they got one thing right at last.

    • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

      Now that made me chuckle!

    • Was this an infallible declaration or mere opinion?

      • Cressida de Nova

        In Len’s cult they think they are all priests, will be saved and are their own gods. I think this is some form of paganism. I’m not sure who invented it.

        • Anton

          Jesus Christ did. He is our High Priest (see Hebrews) and He thinks that we are all priests: see Rev 1:6 and 1 Peter 2:9. St Peter himself, inspired by the Holy Spirit, tells you this! None of the many letters in the New Testament is to “the priest [hiereus] at such-a-place”.

          • len

            Whatever do they teach these RC’s?

        • len

          Jesus, you might not of heard of Him?.

      • len

        Take your pick.

    • Chefofsinners

      It takes one to know one, as they say.

  • IrishNeanderthal

    Most excellent Mrs Proudie,

    I have just read an interesting article Jobs are dull. Better just to abolish humanity (at least according to Momentum).

    Is this for real, or have you spotted the author attending a summer school for creative writing in Barchester?

    • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

      Well, there was a certain Mr. McDonnell offering a course in ‘The Creative Dialectic: Crochet, lentil weaving and Marx’ at the Mechanics Institute on Mount Abbott Road…I didn’t attend, needless to say.

  • Chris Bell

    Oh, my goodness have I laughed or what…..no I fell off my chair. Wonderful stuff!!

    • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

      Most kind, dear Chris, most kind!

  • Dolphinfish

    Ah, English humour, the original alternative comedy: there are no laughs.

    • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

      Suit yourself, dear Dolphinfish…

      • Dolphinfish

        Thanks. I believe I shall.

    • dannybhoy

      You know there is a video clip involving an English comedian Freddie Frinton (now deceased) which remains a Christmas family favourite in many German households even today..

      Good British humour is the world’s best humour.

      • carl jacobs

        Yeah. I just don’t get it, dannybhoy.

        • Manfarang

          And neither do many people in other countries. Mr. Bean is popular abroad because it is a very visual kind of humor. Benny Hill was popular for similar reasons.
          I used to like Seinfeld.

          • carl jacobs

            That’s been my experience. With very few exceptions (Monty Python) British humor just leaves me flat. I turned off Danny’s video about the white wine. There was just nothing funny there.

          • Hate, hate, hate Monty Python. Utter self indulgent rubbish.

          • carl jacobs

            Jack

            The Dead Parrot sketch is probably the funniest comedy skit ever written.

            You’re a heretic, Jack. Bring out … The Comfy chair!

          • Royinsouthwest

            You have forced me, against my will, to write “nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition,” not even Jack!

          • IrishNeanderthal

            Quite. As it was said of the Goodies, I think, but equally applying to the M.P. lot:

            “The write ‘Poo’ on the wall and expect you to find it funny because it is they who have done it.”

          • dannybhoy

            I liked Frasier but I didn’t like Rosanne.
            I’m a bit snobby that way…

        • Well yes. You are an American after all and, worse still, a Calvinist. The former dulls your wit and the latter removes any sense of humour.

        • dannybhoy

          Offensichtlich sprichst du kein deutsches ..
          Es ist noch lustiger auf Englisch.

        • Cressida de Nova

          Think planks !

        • Anton

          Try harder, Carl. The Germans get it, for heaven’s sake!

        • dannybhoy

          But this is very similar to the great slapstick routines of Chaplin, Keaton etc. Okay, not to that standard, but it’s visual comedy, and it works. That’s why the Germans still watch it.

          • carl jacobs

            If you have never seen it, danny, you should watch Chaplin’s last silent film City Lights. He wrote the whole movie just to set up the last five minutes. And the last five minutes of that movie are as close to perfection as a film maker can come.

          • dannybhoy

            I’m a big Chaplin fan.. I liked City Lights but when I first saw The Gold Rush I laughed so much it hurt. Especially the scene in the cabin where the guys were struggling with a gun..
            I also love the theme music to “Golden Age of Comedy” written by George Steiner. Like most Jewish composers he did that wonderful sense of sadness and nostalgia blended together
            Listen from 54 secs in..

            (I can’t find the whole piece..)

          • Royinsouthwest

            I loved the Gold Rush too. It is very simple, unsophisticated humour but all the better for that.

          • dannybhoy

            I have to say that the faster film speed added to the hilarity, but Chaplin also had a very expressive face.

  • Anton

    Pope Francis need not expect the Inquisition round, no matter how heretical he becomes, for under The Rules he is their boss. The time-honoured way in Rome to circumvent The Rules is to bump him off. If I were he I would start bearing body armour and re-employ a taster trained in the scent of cantarella.

    • carl jacobs

      What?! You mean Godfather III was a true story?

    • Cressida de Nova

      Tsk…he has the Swiss guard to protect him. Although I am not sure how effective they are in the art of military combat but I bet you do:)

      • Chefofsinners

        Ah, the girly pantaloons brigade. They will defend the big Holy cheese, with their mighty fondue forks. While remaining strictly neutral, of course.

        • Cressida de Nova

          You were much nicer before when you used to wear your underpants on your head with sun specs.

          • Chefofsinners

            That was before I was drummed out of the Swiss Guard for cleaning my nostrils with the holy fondue fork of Saint Snodgrass.

      • Anton

        They didn’t do very well on 6th May 1527 but the Pope still managed to escape.

  • crypto-communist peddler of St. Marx

    American Roman Catholics wrote to President Trump in January asking him to investigate the dethronement of Pope Benedict and the subsequent election of ‘a pope whose apparent mission is to provide a spiritual component to the radical ideological agenda of the international left.’

    They raise the question of George Soros, who is described by the Catholic League as ‘the single most influential donor to dissident, and anti-Catholic, organizations.’

    • Dominic Stockford

      How daft of them – the errors of Rome have nothing to do with Trump.

      • @ Dominic Stockford—The signatories do say that they ‘are not requesting an investigation into the Catholic Church’ but ‘into recent activities of the US government’ and ‘international financiers’ who reside in the US. The signatories will be aware that the international finance community takes a keen interest in the Roman Catholic Church and makes improvements as the need arises; see the Daily Forward article, ‘The Converts Who Changed the Church’.

        • Manfarang

          Many German Jews had converted to Christianity, especially beginning in the eighteenth century..

  • Dolphinfish

    For an Anglican blog, there are quite a few Catholics about. What say you, chaps? Should the next pope (small p, because here, it doesn’t form part of a title) bite the bullet and suppress the Jesuits?

    • dannybhoy

      To my mind it’s great that Catholics post here.
      It shows true tolerance and compassion on the part of us Prods, and an opportunity for further subliminal appeals to return to the one true, undivided and infallible Church by our Catholic brethren on the other.
      Everyone’s a winner!

      • Cressida de Nova

        Yes I agree that it is good to have a Catholic presence on a Protestant blog. The Catholics give up their time to comment here to shed light and understanding so that those who have strayed will finally see the light and return to the fold.

        • dannybhoy

          Exactement.
          It is by getting to know one another that we arrive at a closer approximation of the Truth. It works on this blog because in the main people have respect – even affection, for each other. There are aspects of Catholicism that I could never accept, but other things challenge me in my own walk of faith.

          • len

            The one good thing about the RCC is it encapsulates all the errors in one place.

          • Royinsouthwest

            I am sure that many of us prods welcome many of the contributions by Happy Jack.

          • dannybhoy

            Jack is a learned gent with a sharp mind and a kindly spirit.

          • carl jacobs

            Which Jack? OUR Jack?!

        • len

          Hmmmmmmmmmmm.

    • Ray Sunshine

      Nah, they tried that before. It didn’t last. Pope Clement XIV suppressed the Society of Jesus in 1773, but forty years later another pope rescinded the ban. They always bounce back.

    • Pope Saint John Paul II tried, as did Pope Benedict XVI. Something needs to be done.

      • Dolphinfish

        Benedict and John Paul put a shot or two across their bow but I don’t think they actually tried to suppress them. Rulers, even supposedly absolute monarchs like the popes, never have as much power as they imagine they’re going to have. Trump is finding that out now; every president before him came into office knowing that if he was lucky, he might get two or three flagship policies through before he was turned out, so he better pick a couple of good ones and hit the ground running on inauguration day. Popes are no different. If the next pope comes in and suppresses them on day one, the shock and awe value will be massive, and the way to Catholic truth wide open.

      • Cressida de Nova

        I have never understood why Jesuit priests can state heresy publicly e.g. support ssm on the national broadcaster ,not be censured or excommunicated and still retain their powerful positions in the Church.Puzzling?

        • Anton

          James Martin SJ on LGBTETC matters most certainly. Here a Catholic ex-gay has the integrity to go after him:

          http://josephsciambra.com/blog/

          • Cressida de Nova

            Thank you Anton . I will watch all of these.

    • Coniston

      Fr. JAMES V. SCHALL, S.J. seems to be an exception.

      • And we know what exceptions do ….

      • Dolphinfish

        Anyone who’s a fan of GK Chesterton is good with me. Unfortunately, he’s nearly 90 and may not be with us many more seasons.

  • Inspector General

    Good_Day_to_you,Mrs_Proudie

    Would_you_allow_the_Inspector_to_congratulate_Henry_Bolton_and_at_the_same_time_remind_the_
    metropolitans_in_the_Conservative_party_that_the_New_Model_Political_Party_is_far_from_
    disbanded_and_ready_to_step_in_if_the_government_screws_up_Brexit

    • Could_you_repeat_that_Inspector?

      • carl jacobs

        That’s cruel. Funny. But cruel.

  • Inspector General

    Do_laugh_away_if_you_will.One_bears_his_wound_with_pride_as_any_soldier_for_
    Christ_would.

    • Manfarang

      Merger talks soon to begin with the National Liberals.
      http://nationalliberal.org/the-party-organisation/who-are-the-national-liberals

    • Norman Yardy

      Could this be a cunning way of preventing your words from being googled.

      • Inspector General

        It’s_an_honour_to_be_so_persecuted…

        • dannybhoy

          Dash it all Inspector, must you?

          • len

            lol, just send him a line sometime Danny.

          • dannybhoy

            S-or-ry L-en ? Yo-u-re br-eakki-ng -u-p-

  • The Duke of Umberland, England

    Mrs Proudie

    It is more than a ‘tricky’ situation in the Vatican. People are working and living in fear of the False Prophet predicted:

    https://www.lifesitenews.com/news/fired-vatican-doctrine-chief-people-working-in-the-curia-are-living-in-grea

    • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

      One always understates….

      • The Duke of Umberland, England

        All right, Mrs Proudie. It’s just that, as a Protestant, I’ve suddenly realised the danger Catholics and Protestants are facing.

        Clearly, my zeal is misplaced this time.

        • Are you a relation of Butcher ‘Umberland by any chance?

          • The Duke of Umberland, England

            And if I were Prof Dawkins – would you inquire if my ancestors were slave owners?

          • Perhaps.

          • Chefofsinners

            Lovely sausages.

          • Jacobite sausages.

          • Chefofsinners

            Martha, in Luke 10:40, KJV, “Cumberland about, much sausage.”

            And I believe Linus does a lovely mince.

      • Chefofsinners

        To say you always understate would be to put it mildly…

  • Dominic Stockford

    “Nothing has anything to do with Islam, except peace” – the Media and most Western Governments.

    “They have healed the wound of my people lightly, saying, ‘Peace, peace,’ when there is no peace.” –
    God’s inerrant Word.

    “While people are saying, “There is peace and security,” then sudden destruction will come upon them as labour pains come upon a pregnant woman, and they will not escape.” – God’s inerrant Word.

  • len

    Really shouldn’t laugh…but where are the dots if this is morse code?.

  • Chefofsinners

    ‘Tereason May’ – delicious. This will not be the last time we hear the voice of Tereason, I fear, as she seeks to avoid a cliff edge by filling in the sea with taxpayer’s money.
    But I see that Mr Boris has again laid his credentials on the table. Shocking behaviour, but sadly part of our culture. Speaking of which, Mr Hefner has discovered that being stiff is not nearly so much fun as it used to be. Worse, his flight to the Playboy-Mansion-in-the-skies has been cancelled. Apparently the pilot is ‘on leave’, but Mr Stiffner has been rerouted to a ‘warmer destination’ on a different carrier which has ‘fully trained Pilates’ whose bunny ears seem to be a little more curved and pointy than usual. By all accounts this will not be the first time Mr Heff has found himself in a sticky situation…

    • dannybhoy

      ” Speaking of which, Mr Hefner has discovered that being stiff is not nearly so much fun as it used to be.”
      Naughty boy.

      • Chefofsinners

        In other news from beyond the grave, Saint Lemuel of Motörhead has released a new song, a meditation on the rectum of St Linus. “The space of aids” has gone straight in at number two.

        • betteroffoutofit

          Ah . . . they splay the poons as well!!!!

        • Linus

          You know you’ve rattled your opponent and put him on the defensive when the only response he can make is a defamatory insult that has nothing to do with anything you’ve been debating.

          Chefofsinners now belongs in the same category as the Inspector. Vicious homophobic bigot so enraged that all he can do is spit slanderous venom.

          See what Pixtianity reduces its believers to? Fruits of the evil little sprite, aka the believer’s pathological ego, indeed. See how secular forces have won a victory so complete over his type that all he can do is spit venom and hatred, thus revealing his Pixtian faith to be utterly hollow and hypocritical, further reinforcing our position that it’s pure fantasy. And what’s more, fantasy based on the worst kind of toxic narcissism.

    • betteroffoutofit

      So …. they content themselves with shades of Milton’s protagonist (Paradise Lost) and Flanders’ and Swann’s Sloth, for:
      “The world is such a cheerful place
      When viewed from upside-down;
      It makes a rise of every fall,
      A smile of every frown;” (“The Sloth,” 8-11).

      🙂

  • Manfarang

    Same stuff, different day.

    • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

      Oh dear….

      • dannybhoy

        He hasn’t got much of a sense of humour anyway. Ignore him.

        • Manfarang

          What!
          A man walks down a street in Belfast.
          Someone comes up to him and asks him, “Are you a Catholic or a Protestant?
          I’m a Jew the man replied.
          “Are you a Catholic Jew or a Protestant Jew?

          • dannybhoy

            That’s even older than I am.
            And anyway it’s an Irish joke, not an English one..

          • Manfarang

            The English tell Irish jokes all the time.
            Another old one
            What’s the fastest game on earth?

          • Anton

            There aren’t any Muslim pubs.

          • Manfarang

            Hookah lounges.

          • Len

            Their allowed hookahs?

          • Manfarang

            Mu‘assel

          • dannybhoy

            (Danny holds head in hands and groans loudly)
            Enough Already.
            It’s the last hours of Yom Kippur, leave us alone!

      • Manfarang

        OK something new- a portrait of Aung San Suu Kyi has been removed by Oxford University, where she was previously awarded an honorary degree, amid criticism of her handling of the Rohingya crisis.

    • Chefofsinners

      That’s what you said last week.

      • Manfarang

        No. Last week I said about ARSA.

        • Chefofsinners

          And they dared to suggest you don’t have a sense of humour…

  • dannybhoy

    “he Archdeacon was delighted to win the colourful sombrero donated by Signora Vesey Neroni (I believe she once had a dalliance with an onion-seller from Valencia named Pepe) aka Linus, who has a penchant for onions..

  • Father David

    I quite like the present pope and find him and his views to be sound in every way. A worthy occupant of the shoes of the fisherman.

    The latest election news from Germany is quite worrying. Fortunately Mutti is still Chancellor but the rise of the right-wingers is a worrying trend. Where’s Neville Chamberlain when you need him? With regard to the new leader of Ukip, I am left wondering when did he have the operation to remove his charisma?

    As for the “Nasty Party” and their rally this coming week in Manchester. I’m sure they will receive a warm Northern welcome which will in some measure compensate for their present woes. Poor Mrs. Dismay, with Boris once again champing at the bit daring her to sack him. One almost begins to feel sorry for the vicar’s daughter. Still to slightly alter Mr. Blair’s theme tune – “Things can only get worse”, especially when our EU comrades say that it will take a miracle to get a Brexit agreement on Trade. Well, there’s another popular song which begins “I believe in miracles” and believe me, they do happen but perhaps a successful Brexit is a miracle too far.

    • “I quite like the present pope and find him and his views to be sound in every way.”

      You understand him?! He can be understood in every way, so it’s not surprising.

    • Inspector General

      “Nasty Party”?

      You_really_ought_to_hide_your_feeble_grasp_of_politics.Everyone_here_will_be_thinking_you
      _are_a_fool,don’t_you_know…

      • Father David

        Yes, Lord Lucan. And who called it the “Nasty Party” in the first place?

        • Inspector General

          Come_the_Corbyn_revolution,do_approach_our_Socialist_masters_and_
          ask_them_what_use_they_have_for_a_willing_priest…

          • Father David

            Ah, no response to my question, well let me supply you with the answer – why it was none other than the current leader of the “Nasty Party” herself!
            This is what Matthew Parris says about her in this morning’s Times, and he a former tory MP – “she’s now a zombie prime minister leading a zombie cabinet in a zombie party gathering in Manchester for a conference of the walking dead.” OUCH! I’d recommend that you read the whole article written under the Headline “Tories are trapped in a zombie apocalypse”
            By a “feeble grasp of politics” (by the way, I’m pleased to see that you have mastered joined up writing, maybe there’s a chance that you may now progress to joined up thinking) I presume you mean views that disagree with your own biased and impotent right-wing extreme views on politics?

          • Anton

            UK politics at the moment is quite simple. The two factions within the Tory party are busy fighting each other but both know that they dare not go too far for risk of provoking a crisis that leads to an election.

          • Father David

            Spot on – Ergo Mr. Corbyn moves into Number 10

          • Inspector General

            You_silly_silly_fellow.Imagine_yourself_as_Corbyn’s_chaplain_do_you?You’d_better_run_to_him_then,as_the_song_goes.

          • Linus

            At the whiskey so early in the day, old bigot?

          • Royinsouthwest

            “Whisky” without an “e” please. The Inspector is quite discerning when it comes to judging spirits.

          • Linus

            Are you sure? He seems like the type who would swallow anything containing alcohol … or any derivative or variant thereof (meths, white spirit, turpentine, screen cleaner…) as long as it blotted out the awfulness of his existence.

          • dannybhoy

            If anyone’s a bigot here Linus, it’s yourself. You display more sheer nastiness and malice than any other person.

          • Linus

            I meet malice with malice and nastiness with nastiness. As that’s all I get from people here, of course you see more of it from me than anyone else. It’s malice and nastiness x 10, or however many people post comments on this obscure little site.

            As you see the reflection of what you post and nothing else, no wonder you think I’m malicious and nasty. But I’m only as malicious and nasty as you. So look in the mirror and see your true reflection.

            Ugly, isn’t it?

          • dannybhoy

            Rather handsome actually, according to my wife and assorted lady admirers..
            Also I would guess that the real reason you stay on this blog is because it’s the only one that accepts you..
            And before you try to tell me/us that you follow other blogs to the same intensity you do this one, I for one wouldn’t believe you.

          • Linus

            I meet with nothing but malice on this blog. Occasionally someone will dress it up as condescension and fake kindness. But as their attitude is always motivated by contempt, pity and self-righteousness, it will be met with all the malice it communicates to me, only much more openly expressed.

            No matter how poorly you think of me, know that I think even more poorly of you. And I revel in the knowledge that your Pharisaical faith has destroyed the Western church and will so everywhere in the world eventually. I wouldn’t change you for the world: you’re the secular world’s greatest asset. Only you can show us how low Pixtians can go. And you do…

          • dannybhoy

            Let’s deconstruct your comment, starting with…
            a) “I meet with nothing but malice on this blog.”
            And you can prove this how? And even though you can’t, the question must be asked, “Why then do you keep coming back for more?” Is it some sort of self flagellation?
            b) “But as their attitude is always motivated by contempt, pity and self-righteousness, it will be met with all the malice it communicates to me, only much more openly expressed.”
            Our attitude is one of genuine acceptance of you as a person for whom Christ died and loves, and wishes to make whole, and by and large we ignore the nonsensical illogical vitriol you pour out, because we realise it comes from a hatred caused by pain. But it is illogical Linus.
            c) “No matter how poorly you think of me, know that I think even more poorly of you.”
            But we don’t Linus! In fact I would say that overall there is a warm hearted tolerance of your attitudes towards us as Christians. And that’s because we see an unhappy man who is deceived into believing we Christians reject you and your community.
            So what we have dear Linus is a man who pours out anger and sarcasm and blasphemy on us and the Lord Jesus we worship, and yet you cannot let us go! So many ‘gay’ people have come on this blog to mock and taunt, -and have left after a few days.
            Yet you remain Linus. Year after year.
            AndI believe that’s because God is at work in your life, telling you that He loves you and wishes you would come and be embraced by His love and forgiveness made possible by the Lord Jesus dying on the cross for you, taking your place so that you might be forgiven and experience new life.
            That’s why you keep coming back Linus. God is calling to you.

          • Linus

            You know why I comment here. I’ve said it often enough. I’m here to show those who may stumble on this site how hypocritical, vicious and hateful Pixtians really are. And boy do you rise to the bait.

            You talk about love, you mete out derision and abuse. You make up outrageous claims that your invisible, inaudible and entirely imaginary Sky Pixie is calling to me, yet provide no proof whatsoever that he can call to anyone, but you expect to be taken seriously simply because what you say is, in your opinion, the absolute truth.

            It’s that clear admission of narcissistic self-regard that’s got you where you are today. And I’m actually quite grateful to you for showing this fact to the world so very frankly on this site. You’re the best advertisements for atheism I’ve ever seen. Keep it up.

          • dannybhoy

            “You know why I comment here. I’ve said it often enough. I’m here to show those who may stumble on this site how hypocritical, vicious and hateful Pixtians really are.”
            Why is it then O guide to the Stumbling, that those folks don’t stay around to support you, to stand with you in your noble cause?
            In fact the only regular support you get is from Sarks, and he’s ‘anybodys’ as long as they’re also having a dig at the Christians..
            My guess is your fellow gays don’t hang around for long because they realise we don’t do hate speech or gay bashing, and that’s no fun when when you’re trying to convince yourself that Christians are hateful bigots.

          • Linus

            They don’t hang round because, having seen your Pixtian myths debunked and understood what a bunch of self-absorbed narcissists you are, there’s no reason for them to hang round.

            Why would anyone seek out your company? To be sneered at, belittled and told how evil and degenerate he is? Look at yourselves before condemning others. You make a pretence of doing so, but in reality you believe you’re better than everyone else. It’s that kind of willful self-deception that marks you out as such unpleasant people.

          • dannybhoy

            Unpleasant people that you feel duty bound to spend an awful lot of time with…..

          • Father David

            DASH DASH DASH

          • Royinsouthwest

            Parris may be right about May and her government but it is very unlikely that anything he could suggest would be an improvement. He has always been a condescending metropolitan type, like David Cameron, who believes the hoi polloi should let their betters get on with running the country.

          • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

            I read Parris’ autobiography once…that was a waste of a day

          • Father David

            Rise Up, O Hoi Polloi

          • bluedog

            Sigh. No election needed before 2022 when Boris will be leader. Note the strong backing for Boris as PM in a recent poll of Conservative supporters; even the cabinet will understand that Mrs May can only guarantee defeat. Boris wins elections and does so through his energy and ability to engage. How energetic will Corbyn be in 2022 at age 73? Of course, if Corbyn yields to Sadiq’s ambition, so much the better.

          • Father David

            Deep sigh, if you recall with Fixed Parliaments a General Election wasn’t due until 2020 but Mrs. Dismay called a snap election only 2 years after 2015 and paid dearly for her poor judgement. Yes, I hope that Mr. Bumble, the Foreign Secretary has the courage to stab the vicar’s daughter in the back for as Tarzan discovered to his cost – He who wields the dagger never wears the crown. Last night’s programme on Channel 4 – “Blonde Ambition” shewed conclusively Johnson’s total unsuitability to be First Lord of the Treasury.
            Your ageism shocks me.

          • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

            Consider this – if you don’t have a right wing you can’t have a left wing…

          • Father David

            Ma’am, I couldn’t agree more. Sadly, ecclesiastically speaking the right-wing has been so severely clipped in recent decades that the old bird which is the Church of England struggles nowadays to get airborne.

      • len

        Try resetting your PC inspector, or perhaps put some stars instead on the lines just for a change?.

        • Linus

          Stars won’t cure the bad case of the clap the Inspector has contracted yet again due to his promiscuous online behaviour.

          It’s all the gay porn sites he trawls through looking for extreme practices to slaver over. Serves him right, the randy old bugger.

          • IrishNeanderthal

            Computer STD (or VD, as it used to be known.)

          • Soon to be renamed LD’s – Love Diseases.

          • Inspector General

            Excrement_Disease_MentalInstabilty_Pedarasty_Gaydrugs_GayPorn.

            Keep_them_coming_Princess.The_LBGT_sex_education_for_pupils_is_in_
            compilation.All_we_need_is_an_idiot_Equalities_Minister_to_say_go

          • Maybe_a_new_keyboard_Inspector?

          • Pubcrawler

            Or just clean the crumbs out of it.

          • dannybhoy

            Or strands from his moulting ‘tache..

          • Len

            The inspector has spilled some of his whisky on his keyboard and its eaten through it…probably?

          • Linus

            Wow, incoherent even by your standards.

            Are you in the last stages of senile dementia or is it just a psychotic break?

    • The Duke of Umberland, England

      ‘I quite like the present pope and find him and his views to be sound in every way.’

      That only proves that a madman advising another madman ends in futility.

      • Father David

        Your Grace, I know it may well be beyond you but do try are raise the level of debate above that employed by Trump and Kim Jon-un with the Playground name calling.

        • The Duke of Umberland, England

          I am assisting your mind to concentrate.

          • Father David

            Your Grace, let me assure you that my mind is perfectly focused upon a Labour victory at the next General Election (that is when the vicar’s daughter finds the courage to call one) and Mr. Corbyn taking over from Mrs. Dismay as Prime Minister.

          • Anton

            Be careful what you wish for.

          • The Duke of Umberland, England

            How odd.

            You wrote about the Pope, Merkel. UKIP; and merely mentioned the national socialist party in passing.

          • There is only one ‘His/Your Grace’ on this blog. Call this one ‘Mr Umberland’ or some such. Bless you.

          • Cressida de Nova

            You see…you can’t trust that Father David because he is not a real priest.

          • len

            Might be a father, possibly be called David and could even be one of yours?.

          • betteroffoutofit

            Who- or what-ever he is, he seems not to remember the blog-days of yore, when His Grace’s Communicants ascertained that ABC II and The Duke of U…. (in earlier manifestations) are NOT the same person.

            Either that or he’s merely making mayhem: as do his fellow marxists, along with PM Tereason.*

            Actually, that attribution leads me to recall even longer-ago days when people warned: “Beware of vicars’ daughters: they’re the worst of all.” Merky and Tereason testify to some truths despite themselves!

            _________________
            *Thank you for this brilliant coinage, Mrs. Proudie. I hope I may use it with appropriate citations!

          • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

            Do feel free…

          • Would “The most High, most Mighty, and most Illustrious, Butcher ‘Umberland” be acceptable?

          • Father David

            I’m duly chastened but the correct nomenclature in addressing a Dook is “Your Grace”!
            Every Blessing to you also – “Your Grace”.

      • len

        ‘Madman’ is a bit severe , deranged , disorientated, and disillusioned would be kinder?

        • The Duke of Umberland, England

          All right Len. I shall substitute your list for my opinion.

          • len

            Well done sir!.

        • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

          When one sniffs too much incense it can alter the brain…

    • Anton

      I agree entirely that the latest election news from Germany is quite worrying. How on earth the German people could re-elect the woman who let one million Muslims into their country in 2015 alone is disturbing indeed.

      How I wish that the Tories really were the Nasty Party, insofar as the Welfare State is concerned at least.

      • Manfarang

        Just pray that you don’t get badly injured or seriously ill.

        • Anton

          I pay my taxes and expect to be treated. But if the NHS weren’t as it is then I’d do something else. Thew leftist myth is that before the NHS there was nothing. There was a myriad of small charities, doctors who would treat the poor for free, etc.

          • Chefofsinners

            Gipsies selling lucky heather, barber-surgeons, witches, leech handlers… marvellous.

          • Anton

            Victorian Britain has been traduced by Statists such as your (usually) good self. Since then medical knowledge has advanced but the morality of its dispensation has not. Have a look at James Bartholomew’s “The Welfare State we’re in”.

          • Chefofsinners

            But the National Health Service is “the envy of the world”. I heard it on the BBC… over and over…

          • Anton

            So it must be true.

          • Watchman

            Strange then how nobody has tried to copy it.

      • CliveM

        Did you see the options?

        • Anton

          So AfD has a tiny Neo-Nazi wing which our leftie media say are the whole party. But that’s a systematic lie.

          • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

            Funny isn’t it that our media never comment on the Stalinist-Trotskyite wing of the Labour Party, aka Momentum, which is seen as a legitimate movement…yet how many millions lost their lives through their ideology?

          • Anton

            Yes, hilarious.

      • Manfarang

        How on earth? Because many Germans themselves were refugees after WW2.

        • Royinsouthwest

          The German refugees went to Germany. The Arab “refugees” also went to Germany so you are right. They do have something in common.

        • Anton

          I disagree. I think the Germans voted for Merkel out of a combination of blindness, guilt and fear.

          • dannybhoy

            I think there is still a national sense of guilt in Germany over the Holocaust, and whilst understandable it may lead to their national undoing. L

          • bluedog

            Agreed. But the Germans have a habit of lurching from one extreme to the other, very quickly. This writer expects that the Teutonic moodometer will swing from guilt-ridden acceptance to violent expulsion within a surprisingly short time-frame.

          • Anton

            There are some acute comments about the German character in “Three Men on the Bummel”.

          • bluedog

            Scanned wiki. Nothing has changed.

          • dannybhoy

            A great humorous writer, sad ending to his life. http://www.gradesaver.com/author/jerome-k-jerome
            I see he also wrote an autobiography which in view of the laughter he inspired in me, I shall endeavour to get hold of..

      • dannybhoy

        It’s like most things. We humans don’t like social change and we will pretend it’s not happening for as long as we can until we can ignore it no longer.

      • Father David

        So, you are not a fan of Mutti, Anton? Where do you stand on Catalonian independence?

    • Navarth

      Metropolitan Hilarion of Volokolamsk, who has compared the current crisis in faith in Europe to the situation in Russia prior to the October Revolution. The twin drivers are Western secularization and uncontrolled migration. In my view, anyone who supports these malign forces is an enemy of Christianity. I refer you to Gavin Ashenden’s recent trip to Russia: read all about it on Anglican Unscripted.

      • Manfarang

        Africa is a stronghold of Christianity and where is Christianity experiencing growth?

        • Linus

          Go live in Africa then.

          • The Duke of Umberland, England

            Join the AfD then.

          • carl jacobs

            No no. French women join AfD. French men seek to sabotage the German economy by charging 10% too much for pastries. Then they tell each other about their daring acts of bravery in the Resistance.

            Eventually women will get their heads shaved. You watch.

          • Linus

            I don’t live in Germany. But if I did, I wouldn’t join a fascist political party. I don’t like fascists. They’re horrible people.

          • Anton

            I agree with you in full about fascist parties. (I try not to describe individuals as ‘horrible’.) I’d feel the same about communist ones too.

            The AfD has a small fascist wing but it is not representative of AfD which is simply a growing number of people concerned about a massive change to Germany over which the people has never been explicitly consulted.

          • Linus

            That’s exactly how the Nazis came to power. They were fascists who realised that the key to power lay in appealing to moderates by communicating practical messages like “we promise more jobs” and “we’ll make the trains run on time”.

            History shows that once a party with fascist roots cons it way into power, it soon abandons moderate policies and reverts to type.

            A vote for AfD is a vote for a return to fascism, and it’s telling that only in the former East Germany and ultraconservative Bavaria and Baden-Württemberg did they score significant wins. A population used to authoritarian government, be it secular or imposed by the Catholic Church, is ready and primed to vote for fascism.

            Like all minority parties, they can’t do much except complain and try to stir up trouble. But Merkel is more than equal to that kind of tactic. She’ll govern effectively as she always has and force the AfD into more and more extremist rhetoric in order to keep its media profile high. This in turn will polarise AfD support and cause moderates to desert them in droves. And once they’ve lost moderate support, they’re dead in the water. Like Ukip and the FN. Unelectable, all they can do is sit on the sidelines and snipe. That’s AfD’s future. And anyone associated with it will be tarred by an extremist brush and become politically and socially untouchable.

            Which is exactly where we want you to be: the lepers of the modern world. “Don medical gear and facemasks all ye who enter here”, the disclaimer on websites like this one will say. “Danger of death from sheer hilarity at the absurdity of the principles discussed here.”

          • The Duke of Umberland, England

            Lots of homosexuals in Germany are joining the AfD; perhaps you could apply for associate membership.

          • Linus

            Every LGBT community has its Uncle Toms. And however many of them decide to support a fascist movement, they’ll be vastly outnumbered by those who don’t.

            There are even gays in Ukip, the FN and the infamous Log Cabin Republicans. Sad little victims of the brainwashing they’ve been subjected to since birth and ready to sell others like them out for the promise of a pat on the back from their slavemasters.

            More fool them. We know what happens to collaborators when the tyrannies they support collapse. It isn’t pretty, but then neither are they.

          • The Duke of Umberland, England

            Apparently the reason why homosexuals are joining the AfD is not because they are fools – but because they realise that Muslims have multiplied in Germany. They are joining, in other words, to prevent themselves from being thrown off roof tops or being appended to lists reducing headcount.

          • Linus

            Then they’re even bigger fools than I thought.

            If the AfD ever gained power, gays would be thrown into concentration camps or eliminated anyway. Look at Putin’s Russia. When that kind of party gains power, we disappear.

            Gay Germans who vote for AfD are acting like Jews who voted for Nazis because they were scared of communism. The difference is there’s no danger of AfD ever coming to power. But still: if you vote for fascists, don’t be surprised to be treated like fascists.

          • The Duke of Umberland, England

            There’s no danger?

            I can’t see continued mass migration ceasing and therefore groups such as the AfD growing across the EU.

            Now that Judeao-Christianity has collapsed across Europe and there is no appeal to concepts of human rights in an objective ‘code’ (above and external to Man) there is only the exercise of political power and violence left to settle disputes.

            The EU at some point is going to have to take decision to transform itself into Fortress Europe – and permit the drowning of refugees in the Mare Nostrum – or alternatively re-colonise North Africa and the Middle-East. I can’t see the latter happening.

          • Linus

            Total nonsense. In the 19th century paranoid white nationalists gibbered on about the Yellow Peril. In the early 20th century the bogeyman was Zionism. Then it became communism. Now it’s Pixlam.

            The only constant across all of these deluded philosophies was the absolute shipwreck of their dire predictions that Western civilisation was about to fall. They were wrong then and you’re wrong now. The numbers speak for themselves: a tiny minority cannot impose its will on the majority unless it gets the majority to willingly agree to it. There is no way that a Pixlamic vision of subjugated womanhood and slavish worship of an imaginary deity can ever win over a Western majority. The Pixlamic Peril will go the way of all the other bogeymen that demagogues have used in order to stir up trouble: it will be consigned to the dustbin of history and people who believed in it will be laughed at as bigoted fools. In fact you already are.

          • The Duke of Umberland, England

            Back in the 60s and 70s our social scientists used to tell us about the imminent retreat of religion.

          • Linus

            Where have you been? Religion has retreated. It only clings on in niches of society where bigotry holds sway, and these are growing fewer and fewer with every passing year.

            Pixlam resists because it’s an immigrant religion and it takes time to integrate immigrant populations. But it will collapse just like Pixtianity has collapsed. It’s only a question of time.

          • The Duke of Umberland, England

            Our Muslims have been here at least since World War II – no integrstion there.

          • Manfarang

            I prefer to live in Asia.

          • Linus

            Ah yes, Asia. The beating heart of Pixtianity.

            So how does it feel to be a member of an alien minority cult in a culture whose traditions, customs and laws are founded on another faith? Got your martyr’s halo all ready and polished? Who knows when you might need it?

          • Manfarang

            Close to the end of Living Buddha, Living Christ, Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh asserted, “When you are a truly happy Christian, you are also a Buddhist. And vice versa.”
            There are similarities between the teachings of Jesus and the Buddha.
            So I feel good.

      • Father David

        Well, it would seem that Metropolitan Hilarion may well have a point. This year marks the centenary of the 1917 Russian Revolution. Thereafter Communist leaders took control. In the UK the Left is on the march and meeting with a fair level of success by democratic rather than revolutionary means.

    • len

      This present Pope is a loose canon .

      • dannybhoy

        You’re on fire today Len..

        • If only …. Where are the faggots when one needs them?

          • Lienus

            Faggots? Surely there are certain bars..

          • Hiya Chef Lienus.

          • Tout Va

            I ‘av ‘erd ze Mars Bar c’est très bien, nooty bouy.

          • Len

            There are loads about.

      • Father David

        The present pope is the most Christ-like pope in generations.

        • Len

          A false Christ perhaps, which is what all the popes were.

          • Father David

            More to the point – Christ’s Vicar on earth

  • The poor soul … one has to chuckle.

  • len

    Sitting in his attic with the telegraph tapping away, seriously not funny….much…

  • The Duke of Umberland, England

    Mrs Proudie

    Now that most of them have gone for tiffin.

    ‘There are signs that Deutschland has begun to erwachen at last, as support for Frau Merkin dwindles and the Alternatives become the third-largest party in the Reichstag.’

    I believe this is the Fatherland’s reawakening.

    This is likely to be a re-run of the 1930s. Reports are coming in that homosexuals are joining the AfD.

  • Chefofsinners

    One wonders what Signora Veroni would make of the revolting Basques? It seems the King of Spain won’t wear it… he’s sending in the commandos.

  • Tereason May is proving to be a clueless bint Mrs Proudie. She’s only gone and promised Merky that EU citizens rights will be unchangeable, thereby making them superior to British citizens whose rights can be changed by Acts of Parliament. She’s got to go PDQ.

    • Len

      T May needs to go before she sells us all out ,she is a weak leader and a poor negotiator.

    • Chefofsinners

      Away with her, we will not have this woman to reign over us. Release Borobbis.

      • dannybhoy

        Lol!

      • IanCad

        Very clever Chef, but please! Let it not be Boris.

  • Anton

    Meanwhile the Spanish Civil War seems to be kicking off again, albeit along different lines.