Uncategorized

Has Nigel Farage been ‘nobbled’ by some secret Eunatic hit-squad with negatives of him shifting Château d’Yquem by the bucket load with Jacques Delors at a topless bar in Clochemerle?

Goodness! It’s all very well re-shuffling the pack, but when most of the cards are Jokers, the results remain the same. Mrs. Dismay handled her musical chair interlude with the all the aplomb of a Titanic deck-chair attendant and the look of a desperate housewife, but then the Conservative think-tank is overstocked with minnows so one shouldn’t carp (yes, I am mixing metaphors and don’t give a monkey’s). Now that Axminster-munching is no longer the plat de jour at the Ministry of Education, one hopes children will be taught the traditional alphabet and not the one that begins LGBGTQWERTY, but time will tell. The Revised Code will still prevail at Dr. Wortle’s School, rest assured. I offer a new challenge to Cranmer’s parishioners – can you list what is conservative about this Conservative Party? The prize, as usual, will be virtual hobnobs and the satisfaction of being smug.

With all sorts of germs sweeping the land and laying people low, it is comforting to know that Mr. J. Hunt remains in charge at the Ministry of Health and has added Social Care to his briefs, which I am assured have ample capacity. I called in at Hiram’s Hospital this morning to impart this piece of news to the old wool-carders, all of whom were tucked up in their beds, coughing and sneezing.

“Non-essential operations will henceforth be postponed,” I began, “which in practical terms means your bedpans will only be emptied every second Tuesday.”

“Lord save us, Mrs. P! We’re doomed!” declared Mr. Bunce.

“I’d rather take a stroll down Eugenics Street and be done with it!” croaked Mr. Handy.

“I’d give that weasel a piece of my mind!” said Mr. Moody.

“If only you ‘ad one,” muttered Mr. Skulpit darkly, before hiding under his blanket.

Of course I scolded them most severely, pointing out that Mr. Hunt is a presentable, clean-shaven, snake-eyed young gentleman, the epitome of modern ‘Conservatism’, who would do his utmost to ensure the care and welfare of all… at which point a flock of pigs flew by on their way south.

I read in the Court Circular that the North Koreans are sending a team to this year’s Braemar Gathering, on condition that we pay for the privilege. I suppose it is a step forward in establishing civilised relations and respite from the threat of incineration, but it is a bit of a cheek. What they will make of caber-tossing and sporran-swirling I have no idea. One only hopes there are no ‘slitty-eyed’ comments from the Prince Consort. Signora Neroni, who is always up to speed with things literary, informs me that Mr. Kipling has published a book in honour of the North Korean leadership, entitled ‘Kim’. I believe it contains a chapter headed ‘How to mince your uncle’. I also understand that the choir at Crathie Church are busy practising singing the North Korean national anthem, which I’m told translates as ‘Who let the dogs out?’

Mr. Verhuffenpuff of the Fourth Reich has taken time out from his position on top of Notre Dame Cathedral spouting rainwater to be beastly to the Poles and Hungarians. Either they obey the diktats from Brussels by welcoming the heathen horde or they must leave the Zollverein. No mention of long-winded divorce settlements or ‘interim periods’ for these patriotic folk; just ‘Allez!’. Perhaps Mrs. Dismay could learn something from this and play her cards differently, but whilst Mr. Barmier is poker-savvy, the Prime Minister insists on playing ‘Happy Families’. Speaking of bullying wind-bags, Toy Boy Jupiter has told the French that refusing to accept Islam is to commit treason. Time for another dose of ‘Aux armes, les citoyens’, methinks.

Copying the Egyptian Museum in Turin, Italy, which is now offering two-for-one tickets to Arabic speakers so they can ‘enjoy’ an ancient culture their religion seeks to obliterate, the Barchester Archaeological Museum has come up with a similar promotion, aimed at Ancient Britons. If you are a native pre-Roman Celtic speaker daubed in woad and mistletoe, the doors are open wide free-gratis. There has been little take-up. Unlike Turin, we cannot stimulate interest by throwing in a child-bride with every purchase… it just didn’t seem right.

The Mayor of Palermo, Sicily, a Signor Orlando I believe, has declared the future belongs “to Google and Ali the Immigrant”. Where, oh where is the Mafia when you need it most?

The Archdeacon attended a regimental dinner at the recently re-named Oscar and Bosie Barracks, hosted jointly by the officers from the Queen’s Own Mounted Diversity Hussars and the Royal Wessex Kumbaya Rifle Brigade. It was explained to him that the old image of HMs forces was not attracting ‘the right sort of mix’, for the army has been ordered to move with the times and reflect the population at large. The traditional Hussars’ scarlet tunics have been replaced by pink ones with lilac facings and a low-slung rainbow-coloured sabretache, and the Rifles now wear frocks.

“Imagine my outrage, dear lady!” blustered the Archdeacon as we strolled back across the Cathedral Close after Matins, “I thought I had set foot inside a Molly House! What on earth are these progressing-towards-the-abyss lunatics up to? The army needs fighting men, soldiers who will face cannons to the left of them and cannons to the right without shirking, not military-two-step dance tutors and strategic flower-arrangers! When I was a lad, camouflage did NOT mean mascara and lippy!”

Having faced the odd canon or two in my time, I could only agree.

Of course, the news that has got all of Barchester agog is the announcement that Mr. Farage is actually mulling over the idea of a second Neverendum ‘to put the thing to bed’. Is this not dancing to the demon Blair’s insidious tune? Of course Mr. Farage believes the outcome of such an event would be a greater majority in favour of leaving, but heavens to Betsy – does he imagine for one moment that the Remainers would not cheat? How can he possibly trust Mrs. Dismay’s Band of No-hopers to play nice? The Archdeacon is convinced he has been ‘nobbled’ by some secret Eunatic hit-squad with negatives of him shifting Château d’Yquem by the bucket load with Jacques Delors at a topless bar in Clochemerle.

Well, I must go and chain myself up to a tree in protest at practically everything that’s going on in Britain at the moment – in truth it is too difficult to pick just one outrage to fulminate against, so I have gone for a job lot. It only remains to say, as the unveiled face of Anna Soubry turns die-hard Brexiteers to stone and ocean-polluting throw-away plastic effluent is recycled and turned into a major five-part series by the BBC, au revoir until next time.

  • Gregory Morris

    Ha ha! I feel exactly the same, Mrs P. Icabod! Now all that remains is judgement.

    • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

      Judgement indeed, dear Gregory. I have passed my own judgement on this government, the opposition, Mayor Khan and the horrid zeitgeist we are living in and want nothing to do with any of it.

      • Manfarang

        Well I am thinking of building a retirement village in Chiang Mai for the old Rhodesians. Interested?

        • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

          Too exotic for one such as I….

          • Manfarang

            I can assure you the supermarkets are stocked with Hobnobs.

  • Dreadnaught

    Ah Top of the Milk Dearheart to you. It may be of interest, alarm or random boredom, but one came across this EU prognostication on which you may care to to cogitate whilst the weekend batch of hobnobs cool down.
    https://wolfstreet.com/2018/01/12/eu-empire-plans-to-grow-even-bigger-despite-brexit-difficulties-keeping-eastern-members-in-check/

    • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

      Thank you dear Dreadnaught…I read the Wolf Street article with interest…to my mind it contains a seed of hope, that the so-called ‘humanitarian empire’ will overstretch itself like all empires do…but I am somewhat rattled by the suggestion that we are really heading for a second referendum, with all the opportunities for the remainers to nobble the result. I hope the Poles and Hungarians decide to quit soon…but doubt if they will.

      • Dreadnaught

        Quite so. I get the distinct impression that the hard core of the remain camp are far more media savvy and tweet obsessed than the old school Brexiteers. We are now in the age of instant messaging and re-Tweeting. Sadly, while this disparity of communication modes is personally adopted between age groups it must favour the Remain generation. It’s semaphore vs Ciberspace.
        Momentum made great leaps in grabbing the young voter high-ground during the recent election simply because they like the Islamists took early advantage of free rapid mass communication.
        Brexiteers are arguably too staid, less organised and too slow to react to this advance in how today’s societies function in ideas, communication and technology. They have no Party machine apart from an embarrassed limping, shadow of its former self UKIP. Sad to say, rather than accept that the Corbynistas, Remainers, and the global Islamists, have embraced and employed the advantage of instant media while the old guard (politicians and public) still clings on to the old, slow ways, like limpets on a rock.
        Farage is in danger of doing the Brexiteers great dis-service if he continues Cameron-like to assume the outcome of another referendum will go in his favour.
        Its a fair guess to say that more who voted leave will have dropped off the twig by now than those who voted remain. The longer this is dragged out the more it will favour the remain camp.

  • Manfarang
  • Inspector General

    Ah! There you are, Mrs Proudie

    A bit tardy today. Spent the morning on the telephone speaking to the African Union of Shthole Countries, trying to placate them. Told them that if they shut up, they’ll find a little extra in this year’s begging bowl for themselves and family. That did the trick!

    Tally ho!

    • Manfarang

      I bet they laughed their heads off. Chinese aid was US$3 billion in 2015. No strings or squat toilets attached, just all the mineral rights.

      • Ray Sunshine

        The Middle Kingdom is well on its way, I think, to catching up with the Zollverein in the race for making friends and influencing people in those parts of the world where iron ore, copper and other commodities come from.

      • Inspector General

        If those African countries who were part of the British Empire had stayed, instead of chasing off down the road towards African dictatorship, we could have built all tribal villages a toilet block by now and provided them with safe clean water. Then their people wouldn’t have to go to the USA or UK to see a flushing lavatory in action…

    • IanCad

      “African Union of Shthole Countries”
      Absolutely superb Inspector!!!

      • Inspector General

        You’re too kind, Ian

    • Bernard from Bucks

      African Nationalist Unionist States;
      You nailed it Inspector.
      A.N.U.S. for short. 😉

      • Inspector General

        Very good, sir!

    • Chefofsinners

      What the Donald actually said was “sunlit atolls”.

      • Inspector General

        …and so all reference to gay lovemaking is removed…..

  • can you list what is conservative about this Conservative Party?

    The only genuine conservative governments in Europe today are found in countries which, until relatively recently, were behind the Iron Curtain, blissfully shielded from the purveyors of cultural Marxism. Endure a few decades of communism and emerge as a nation with its sense of identity intact and undiminished: not at all a bad deal. Would that the countries of Western Europe had been so blessed.

    • Easy. They seek to conserve privilege and political power.

      • @ Happy Jack—Government, whether democratic or dictatorial, has always attracted people who have an unhealthy obsession with power; that’s no particular problem in itself. The problem the West now faces, for the first time in its history, is that governments are betraying the people. Marcus Tullius Cicero: ‘A nation can survive its fools, and even the ambitious. But it cannot survive treason from within.’

        • dannybhoy

          “people who have an unhealthy obsession with power”
          Hmmn
          Hmm
          Who do I know who’s always on about obeying and er, respecting, and consulting the rule books, and suchlike..
          Who could that be…?

          • And you do what? Make it up as you go along? Follow your conscience?

            St. Thomas says when arguing that a Divinely revealed law is necessary in addition to the natural law and the use of reason:

            “…on account of the uncertainty of human judgment, especially on contingent and particular matters, different people form different judgments on human acts; whence also different and contrary laws result. In order, therefore, that man may know without any doubt what he ought to do and what he ought to avoid, it was necessary for man to be directed in his proper acts by a law given by God, for it is certain that such a law cannot err.”

            Divine law is revealed and promulgated by God who is completely inerrant. It is communicated to us by His Church i.e. the Catholic Church. By faith, we are capable of assenting to all that God has revealed. That a law has been revealed by God is sufficient for unqualified obedience to it.

          • dannybhoy

            Make it up as I go along?
            Never!
            I do believe my faith must be in line with what we know to be true.
            So for instance I believe in Creation, because the Bible teaches it, and evolution fails to convince.
            I believe in God’s sovereignty because the Bible teaches it. My understanding of how that works may be different but I believe He is in overall control and His purposes will always be achieved.

            I believe God know the end from the beginning, but that doesn’t mean He micromanages, or that everything that happens was planned by Him. I think He allows us to exercise free will, but can always use our decisions to achieve His purposes.
            I believe I am made in the image of God, that He knew I would come into the world, but I don’t believe He designed me; because I am a product of my parents genetic material and their nurturing.
            God designed the process of reproduction and we are all the products of our parents.
            I also believes that God loves me as I was, and as I will be and that process of sanctification will continue until I die, providing I remain in His grace through obedience to the Holy Spirit.
            I believe all the laws and precepts I need to be a faithful Christian can be found in Scripture, and that as my heart remains pure in intent and obedience the Holy Spirit will lead me through this life.
            I don’t believe God set up a special Church, but that all who love or Lord and own Him as Saviour make up the one true Church, and that we should be known by our love for one another, not our obedience to a hierarchy composed of men who are as fallen as we are..

          • “I don’t believe God set up a special Church … (or) … a hierarchy composed of men who are as fallible and prone to sin as we are…”

            A belief contradicted by scripture and by the history of the early Church. Catholics understand Christ did establish a Church and promised it would be free from doctrinal error, regardless of it being led by men with all their weaknesses and sinfulness.

            As Canon Law states:

            Can. 750 §1. A person must believe with divine and Catholic faith all those things contained in the word of God, written or handed on, that is, in the one deposit of faith entrusted to the Church, and at the same time proposed as divinely revealed either by the solemn magisterium of the Church or by its ordinary and universal magisterium which is manifested by the common adherence of the Christian faithful under the leadership of the sacred magisterium; therefore all are bound to avoid any doctrines whatsoever contrary to them.

            §2. Each and every thing which is proposed definitively by the magisterium of the Church concerning the doctrine of faith and morals, that is, each and every thing which is required to safeguard reverently and to expound faithfully the same deposit of faith, is also to be firmly embraced and retained; therefore, one who rejects those propositions which are to be held definitively is opposed to the doctrine of the Catholic Church.

          • dannybhoy

            I think dear Jack perhaps you missed this…
            “but that all who love or Lord and own Him as Saviour make up the one true Church, and that we should be known by our love for one another, ”

            So my point in saying that is that through our involvement with Churches Together we are developing warm relationships with the Catholic priest, the sisters and laity, as well as the Baptists, Methodists and Anglicans. We want to recognise and respect other’s understanding of the faith, and learn from them and in time worship together in Spirit and in Truth.
            I shall never accept the authority of your Church Jack, but I recognise that there is true devotion and commitment amongst some Catholics, just as there is in all other denominations.
            The sad fact is that not every devoted churchgoer puts our Lord Jesus Christ above their denominational loyalties..

    • Chefofsinners

      It means ‘conserve’ as in jam.
      Jam starts with fruit, healthy and nutritious, but this is boiled down and thickens into a sickly sweet confection which causes decay. Insects are attracted from far and wide.

      • @ ChefofSinners—Insects are attracted from far and wide

        In 2016, Israeli PM Netanyahu used the analogy of ‘wild beasts’: ‘Will we surround all of the State of Israel with fences and barriers? The answer is yes. In the area that we live in, we must defend ourselves against the wild beasts.’ Of course, a Western politician using similar language would be driven out of public life.

  • bluedog

    ‘Unlike Turin, we cannot stimulate interest by throwing in a child-bride with every purchase… it just didn’t seem right.’

    A thought occurs, Mrs P. Is the the cue for a roaring trade in original copies of the Shroud of Barchester? Only one matter remains to be resolved, whose saintly visage should be impressed upon the cloth?

    • Ray Sunshine

      Only one matter remains to be resolved, whose saintly visage should be impressed upon the cloth?

      Queen Victoria’s, surely.
      If for some reason VR’s saintly image should be unavailable, then perhaps Mrs Proudie would volunteer.

      • bluedog

        One is absolutely certain that Mrs P would, with great reluctance, volunteer should duty so demand.

        • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

          ‘Tis true…for the good of the nation, clearly

    • dannybhoy

      Mr Slope?

      • Chefofsinners

        No, Alan Turing, for LGBTQI virtue signalling.
        The Turing Shroud will symbolise the enigma of why 2% of the population are the subject of 50% of the BBC’s headlines.

        • IanCad

          Driving to a hospital visit this evening, Eddie Mair’s PM show was full of happy homoists, as was the next program on internet dating. Turned the darn thing off.
          I would dearly love to get an accurate assessment of exactly what percentage of R4’s broadcasting time is devoted to the promotion of the pervert tendency.

          • Chefofsinners

            Go back even five years and it was much less. Go back ten years and it was unheard of. It is a very deliberate and obvious attempt to alter the thinking of the masses. Otherwise known as brainwashing. A full frontal assault on traditional morality and on Christian doctrine. Praise the Lord for places such as this where the thought police and the re-educators may not tread.

          • Anton

            End the BBC license fee.

          • Chefofsinners

            I will. I’ve got a bit of ironing that needs doing first.

          • Anton

            You iron with your TV?

            Ironic…

          • IanCad

            And still HG’s stipend is less than thirty pounds a month.
            So little when well financed losers such as Jayne Ozanne actively try to silence the blog.

          • Chefofsinners
          • IanCad

            Thanks for the link Chef.
            Welby needs to kick the sex changers out of the temple.

        • carl jacobs

          OK, that makes up for inducing Jack into making an interminably long list of stupendously bad tree puns yesterday.

          • Chefofsinners

            How could it be an interminable list if there were only tree of them?

          • carl jacobs

            There were many more than tree three and they were so bad it seemed like time had stopped. He actually wrote “mystree”. With letters. And he thought it was a pun. You need to take some responsibility for encouraging him.

          • Shiver Jack’s timbers, don’t be such a stick in the mud. You can always make like a tree and leaf. Or log off.

          • carl jacobs

            The prosecution rests.

          • Is it correct you have trees in America called Tulips?

          • Jacks on a winning streek!

          • carl jacobs

            I always suspected you were involved in such behavior:

          • Jack was well qualeafied but was always spruced up.

          • Chefofsinners

            Take responsibility? Me? That isn’t going to apun.

          • Chefofsinners

            It’s like a fairy tale… Happy Jack wants a punner time…

          • Oakay, flattree will get yew nowhere.

        • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

          Oh how I chuckled…

  • Anton

    “Les Français doivent accepter l’islam. Le refus du multiculturalisme est une trahison” – Emmanuel Macron.

    [The French must accept Islam. To refuse multiculturalism is treason.]

    If he is right, most of France’s Muslims are guilty of treason. If he is wrong, HE is guilty of treason.

    • The illustreeous French would never commit treeson.
      [Oooops .. wrong thread]

    • Ray Sunshine

      Let us look forward to the day, surely not far off, when an Algerian president on an official visit to France shall proclaim, “Les Algériens doivent accepter le Christianisme. Le refus du multiculturalisme est une trahison.”

      • bluedog

        Alas, a more likely exhortation, ‘Vive La France algerienne!’.

  • The illustreeous Mrs P. chained to a tree? This is treeson!

    • Chefofsinners

      Anne Stevens, the priestess with the leastess, endured her 20 minute vigil dressed all in black, presumably to signal her support for the #Metoo campaign. Having observed her feminine qualities, this would seem to be wishful thinking, unless Dominic Grieve is an acquaintance.
      While attending this week’s Golden Glob Awards I was able to observe at first hand how the women who have earned millions by parading themselves butt naked on screen for decades were suddenly wearing twenty thousand dollar little black designer dresses, in order to signal their new-found virtue.
      Perhaps we need a new campaign for those who are sick of all this hypocrisy.
      #Meneither.

      • dannybhoy

        Hollywood is peopled by male and female actresses who have sold their souls to the cult of Publicity and Youthfulness. They will say and do anything to keep themselves relevant and their greatest fear is that people will fail to recognise them.
        It is only at jamborees like this where the public has the opportunity to see how very fragile are their egos and how prepared they are to say stupid stuff if it gets them noticed..

        • Chefofsinners

          With the looks of angels and the morals of sewer rats, as AW Tozer said.

      • No better than table dancers at Stringfellows.

        • Chefofsinners

          One defers to your greater experience.

  • carl jacobs

    In not sure I believe that “eunatic” is actually a word.

    • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

      I invented it…Shakespeare invented words…it’s a British thing

      • carl jacobs

        A combination of eugenics and fanatic?

        Update: or perhaps European union plus fanatic?

        • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

          Correct, my dear sir…someone with a fanatical loyalty and devotion to Brussels…

          • Chefofsinners

            Why was this not obvious to a man of Carl’s… er…

          • carl jacobs

            Well, it might have had something to do with the sentence in which the invented word was used. I see words – some of which might be verbs. But I have no idea what that sentence is trying to communicate. I figured it was written in some impenetrable British code.

          • Chefofsinners

            It’s your Achilles heel playing up again, Carl. So brilliantly logical that you can’t do soft-focus.

          • carl jacobs

            No seriously. This is how the title of this post looked to me.

            Has Nigel Farage been [something that vaguely resembles a verb] by some secret [something that might be an adjective or perhaps an organization] hit-squad with [some use of ‘negative’ as a noun] of him [some indeterminate form of the verb ‘shift’] [something French] by the bucket load with [someone French] at a topless bar in [somewhere in France].

            I couldn’t make heads or tails of it.

          • Anton

            Some clues:

            Chateau Yquem is French and one of the three best sweet dessert wines in the world (the others are Constantia from South Africa and Tokay Essenzia from Hungary).

            Clochemerle is the name of a fictitious small French town in a novel which is divided over the plan to build a public toilet in the town square.

            Jacques Delors’ position in Brussels is described and skewered by St Margaret of Finchley of Blessed Memory (ie, Thatcher) in this clip from 1990:

          • carl jacobs

            So I should read it as …

            Has Nigel Farage been blackmailed by some secret Eurocrat hit-squad with pictures of him drinking expensive French wine by the bucket load with a famous Eurocrat at a topless bar in a seedy town in France.

            OK that makes sense.

          • Chefofsinners

            Well done everyone. Carl’s back with us now.
            That’s the spirit: never leave a man behind.

          • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

            Perhaps I should write something a little simpler next week…

          • Chefofsinners

            Never apologize. Never explain.

          • Can one assume you know a “topless bar” isn’t a place selling drinks that has no roof?

          • carl jacobs

            I was on a business trip once, and we were discussing where to go for dinner. One of the guys suggested a Tapas bar. That’s not what I heard however so I said (pointing at my coworker) “We can’t take Patrick there. He’s too young.”

            They all looked at me funny. “Not topless. Tapas.” I had never heard of those either.

          • So Jack takes it you wood would have gone without Patrick?

          • Chefofsinners

            It could perhaps have been a little more telegraphic, but the glory of Mrs Proudie’s work is that she presents the reader with a selection of entendres. It rewards the thoughtful reader.

          • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

            I am indeed impenetrable…the corsets help.

        • Lunatic ….

          • Chefofsinners

            A eunuch from the Vatican?

    • Ray Sunshine

      It wasn’t a word yesterday but it is one today, now that Mrs P has coined it. Provided, I suppose, that it catches on.

      I once met, a very long time ago, the man who coined the word “eurocrat”―Serge Nabokoff, who had worked for Reuters for many years, some of that time in Brussels. (He was already retired when I met him.) He said he once put the word in one of his reports, just as a spur-of-the-moment quip, and was amazed to find that within a few days it had come into general use as the standard colloquial term for the fonctionnaires.

    • You dare question the inerrancy of Sola Proudiea.

      • carl jacobs

        My first guess was that it has something to do with “EUNETIC”- European Research Network on the Economics of Technological Change. But that didn’t get me very far.

  • Dominic Stockford

    That the NHS and Social Care are now in one department sorts out the great in-fighting problem that has created so-called ‘bed-blocking’. If the system continues to fail (next winter) means either you can indeed lynch the nice Mr Hunt, or we can finally admit that with a population growing by at least 250,000 a year, and a public determined to take every knee scrape and bumped head in to it, the NHS hasn’t got a hope of coping.

  • gadjodilo

    That is appallingly funny, Mrs P. I’m almost tempted to send you some money, though you still haven’t explained to me why I should.

    • dannybhoy

      And even if she did…..

      • gadjodilo

        The exchange rate between the Romanian leu and the British pound is not too bad, currently. But what would she spend it on?? I hope not all on millenery 😉

        • dannybhoy

          I thought perhaps you got paid in Paraguayan guarnies..
          Just how old are you anyway?
          Oops I forgot; “Can’t tell you that……blah blah blah…

          • gadjodilo

            Nope, the Romanian leu. Why the interest in my age? I apologise if I was acting in a juvenile manner (though I don’t believe I was). I was born “between the end the ‘Chatterley’ ban and The Beatles’ first L.P.” You?

        • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

          I think you are confusing me with His Grace – I am not he, and this is his blog…so I am merely a guest interloper…unpaid too…

          • gadjodilo

            My apologies, ma’am. I hesitate to speak so boldly, but I would fain buy a pretty bonnet to grace your fair head than ermine robes for his grace’s ecclesiastical wardrobe.

          • Why not instead donate (say) £100 a month, which His Grace would be happy to pass on (without commission) to Mrs P.

          • gadjodilo

            Your grace! It would seem as if walls have ears! Tomorrow at first light I shall put it to the widows and orphans of my acquaintence that the church is in great need – mission work in Darkest Africa, or something – and we shall see what we can come up with.

          • Is that an entreety, YG?

          • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

            Goodness!

          • Treemendous!

          • Chefofsinners

            These puns are all a bit forced. Your language seems to lumber, Jack.

          • Oh dear.

          • IanCad

            The timbre is a little off as well.

          • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

            I do love a poke, I must admit

          • dannybhoy

            Creep..

          • gadjodilo

            Don’t worry, Bhoyo, I haven’t paid him a farthing yet, and probably shan’t as what he’s suggesting amounts to about 2 weeks wages to many people over here.

          • dannybhoy

            You want we should start up a collection? The cost of living is much lower where you are surely?

          • gadjodilo

            Just send us some bibles and second hand clothes. Not so much cheaper that if offsets the low wages. Shouldn’t you be on your way to evening vespers at this hour?

          • dannybhoy

            Vespers?
            S’a motor scooter innit?
            I was out this afternoon delivering the Good News paper, but we don’t yet have an evening service where we live.

  • IanCad

    I pride myself that I catch most of your allusions Mrs. P. The “weasel” eludes me though.
    Can’t you write something that is thoroughly dull, unfunny, boring and a waste of time? It gets somewhat tedious praising your weekly contributions.

    • Chefofsinners

      You need to Hunt for the meaning, Ian.

      • IanCad

        I did think it could have been referring to him but it seemed too obvious. Not being solely immersed in UK lore and culture I tend to look for more craftier, crazier, imaginings than perhaps I should.
        Occam is generally correct.

  • gadjodilo

    I’m often “asking for it” these days – starved of anyone interesting to talk to, to be honest.

    1946, blimey. Rationing, the Cuban missile crisis, the Summer of Love, French avant guard cinema…. and I thought I’d had it rough.

    Anyway, the wife’s just run a bath so I’d better be off.

    • dannybhoy

      “starved of anyone interesting to talk to, to be honest.”
      So that’s what this is all about; using Christianity as a front to spark up same sex conversations
      Mmm-hmm..,
      Got your measure already.. yersss!
      The sooner you start rubbing noses with the natives the better…

      • gadjodilo

        That was a compliment!

        Same-sex?? Me sir? No sir.

        I’m actually now a citizen of my adoptive country, so more than just rubbing noses.

        Late here, off to bed. Sleep well, sir.

        • dannybhoy

          And you.
          Anyone manning the stockades?

          • gadjodilo

            Stockades implies either cattle farming – but this is strictly a pig and chicken country – or attacks from outside – we await the Russian army at some time, but Boris he does tarry. Other worries have we not.

          • dannybhoy

            Go to bed.
            And don’t spend too much time on line- it can disrupt marital harmony -as some of us here can testify…

  • I do so love your weekly contributions here Mrs P. Perhaps you would accept a bottle of Tanqueray to keep out the cold?

    • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

      How splendid!

  • not a machine

    I enjoyed that Mrs Proudie, Mr Farrage troubled with the old Eunatic, Mmmm well me thinks Claire Fox had it about right on never endums, and the question so put was in or out, so the argument is consequential. We voted out, and a second referendum could give a result even bigger in leave %terms or the beginning of a very determined political force. Remainers should consider carefully, the EU is making policies that are not given to votes.

    • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

      Indeed. But I fear I see dark and troubled times ahead…

      • not a machine

        Yes the corruption of the votes intent will have consequence and I don’t have much of a solution for it either at the moment.

  • Dreadnaught

    Ukraine – the other side of the accepted EU narrative in adhering to a policy of pushing for greater expansion equates to lasting peace in Europe, even if, it puts Russia in a similar situation to that which the US found itself over the Cuban Missile Crisis.
    A very thought provoking documentary with obvious elements of what could be seen as pro-Russian sentiment, but worth 90 minutes of anyone’s time that may be curious to see the other side of the coin and just how much there is out there that don’t get told by our lazy news gatherers; asleep at the reel.
    https://www.sott.net/article/373841-Ukraine-on-Fire-How-US-Not-Russia-Destroyed-Ukraine-Oliver-Stone-Documentary-Finally-Available-VIDEO

  • Father David

    I feel sure that President Kim is far too portly to toss the caber but woe betide any of his athletes who don’t actually win the egg and spoon, three legged and sack races in Scotland, on their return to North Korea. Alas, I feel they will go the way of Kim’s late uncle.
    I see that old publicity seeking has-been fraud – Farage has seen the light over the need for a second Referendum (like alcohol and fags – he just can’t seem to exist without one). If it does come to pass and I certainly hope that it does, how will Mrs. Dismay vote – having wisely voted for Remain in the first referendum?

    • DespiteBrexit

      Why is that “wise”?

      • Father David

        Unfortunately Mrs. Dismay was hedging her bets – as she had her eye on the top job post-Cameron (the man who got us into this mess in the first place) and although she voted Remain – her part in the Remain Campaign was very Laodicean, to say the least.

        • DespiteBrexit

          You have completely failed to explain why voting Remain was wise.

          As for “who got us into this mess in the first place”, I fear your ire is misdirected. Cameron, being relatively young, foolish, and arrogant, did of course completely screw things up from the perspective of Remainers. However the real responsibility for the mess lies with the assorted Continental misanthropes and psychopaths who are determined to build an empire over the heads of ordinary people for the sole benefit of themselves and their powerful friends. Plus with the various useful idiots in government on this side of the Channel who have been complicit over many decades with a litany of excuses, lies, and broken promises.

          • IrishNeanderthal

            Continental misanthropes and psychopaths

            And their British equivalents.

          • DespiteBrexit

            Yes, perhaps “useful idiots” was too generous.

          • Father David

            You obviously haven’t noticed that the tide is turning and Brerverse is on the flow. Even that busted flush Farage suggests a second referendum.

          • DespiteBrexit

            Irrelevant to the point. But I wouldn’t be so sure about that, anyway.

          • Father David

            Surely, even you must have noticed that the Remain tsunami is now on a roll?

          • DespiteBrexit

            Irrelevant.

    • IanCad

      I fear you may be seriously underestimating the sheer physicality of that Dear Great Leader.

      Once a year he climbs the perilous vertices of Mt. Paektu reaching its 9,000 foot summit appearing as fresh as if he had landed by helicopter.

      http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/northkorea/11549180/Kim-Jong-un-climbs-North-Koreas-highest-mountain.html

      • dannybhoy

        Lol!

      • Father David

        Amazing – such stamina – all that mountaineering in spite of excess baggage and 60 fags per day. Trump – you have met your match.

  • David

    Nigel Farage got carried away and made a very foolish suggestion that we have a second referendum. He has however now realised his mistake, and withdrawn the suggestion, saying instead that we must be ready and braced for such a possibility.

    • Father David

      Flip-Flop – Flip-Flop

      • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

        Very good for the beach are flip-flops…

        • Father David

          Yes, dear lady, and we shall all be beached if this Brexit nonsense goes ahead!
          I am reminded of Matthew Arnold’s poem – “Dover Beach”
          “The Sea of Faith
          Was once, too, at full, and round earth’s shore….
          But now I only hear
          Its melancholy, long, withdrawing roar.”

          • Chefofsinners

            We shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender.

          • Father David

            I can thoroughly recommend the film Darkest Hour – brilliant performance by Gary Oldman as Churchill.

          • dannybhoy

            Yes, the wife and I don’t often go to the pictures, but we want to see that – and 3 Billboards..

          • DespiteBrexit

            Presumably you regard Churchill as unwise and a traitor for deciding to fight rather than going along with Hitler’s plan to create a happy union of European peoples?

          • Father David

            Don’t be so bloody ridiculous!

          • DespiteBrexit

            Anger and irritation are a common coping mechanism when faced with cognitive dissonance.

          • Victree awaits.

          • Chefofsinners

            ✌️

          • David

            You’ve got that wrong.
            Our sovereignty and therefore ability to act in the interests of our nation’s people is already “beached”, by being a member of the anti-Christian EU Empire.
            A full Brexit will refloat our ship.

          • Father David

            So, keep on rearranging the deck chairs.

          • David

            “Deck chairs” ? Like the EU’s obsession with empire building and top down control, deck chairs belong to a previous age.

        • dannybhoy

          Unless the little rubber anchor pulls out of the flip, and then you’re in a pickle.. Rubber sports sandals are safer..

      • David

        Nigel may wear them when he goes sea fishing, in the summer anyway. Flip-flops are very useful footwear for certain purposes.

    • dannybhoy

      I have a horrible feeling that the referendum decision will be overturned by a majority of politicians who prefer troughs to truth, and EU supporters and fellow travellers..
      IF that happens I shall stop voting.

      • David

        “If that happens”
        Then we need to think in terms of a concerted campaign to show our deep unrest, possibly up to and including civil disobedience.

        • dannybhoy

          Agreed. It would become one of those deciding Churchillian moments for the nation, whether we cave in to the forces of international socialism/one worldism,
          or we in the words of Shakepeare’s Henry the Vth..

          “Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more,
          Or close the wall up with our English dead!
          In peace there’s nothing so becomes a man
          As modest stillness and humility,
          But when the blast of war blows in our ears,
          Then imitate the action of the tiger:
          Stiffen the sinews, summon up the blood,
          Disguise fair nature with hard-favored rage,
          Then lend the eye a terrible aspect,
          Let pry through the portage of the head
          Like the brass cannon, let the brow o’erwhelm it
          As fearfully as doth a gallèd rock
          O’erhang and jutty his confounded base,
          Swilled with the wild and wasteful ocean.
          Now set the teeth and stretch the nostril wide,
          Hold hard the breath and bend up every spirit
          To his full height. On, on, you noblest English,
          Whose blood is fet from fathers of war-proof,
          Fathers that, like so many Alexanders,
          Have in these parts from morn till even fought
          And sheathed their swords for lack of argument.
          Dishonor not your mothers. Now attest
          That those whom you called fathers did beget you.
          Be copy now to men of grosser blood,
          And teach them how to war. And you, good yeoman,
          Whose limbs were made in England, show us here
          The mettle of your pasture. Let us swear
          That you are worth your breeding, which I doubt not..”

          • David

            I am always ready for an appropriate drop of either Shakespeare or Kipling !

          • dannybhoy

            Me too. Especially Kipling, but Henry Vth is stirring stuff.

          • Manfarang

            Mr. Kipling makes exceedingly good cakes I believe, the export of which will become imperative with Brexit.

          • dannybhoy

            Beautiful!
            And here’s a great singer..
            https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=k5_M9kTBmug

      • Anton

        And I would do more than that.

    • I think he was mulling over the options out loud.

      • David

        Yes, you may be right. But it was a foolish thing to do on air.

  • michaelkx

    “can you list what is conservative about this Conservative Party” my old granddad all ways said with the Conservative party the Rich get richer, and the poor get poorer. for evidence of this I give you Mr Hunt.

    • Anton

      And under the Labour party the rich get poorer and the poor get pooorer. Tis a wonderful choice.

      • dannybhoy

        I don’t accept that under the Conservatives the poor get poorer. It’s not in the interests of the Conservatives for that to happen. It’s all about personal responsibility and the opportunity for all to better themselves.
        Under New Labour it’s about encouraging people to take no responsibility and be protected from the folly of their personal decisions by the public purse filled by the law abiding tax payer. It’s another reason I have no time for CofE leadership..

        • Anton

          I think you should have directed that reply to Michaelkx, not me, for he spoke about the effects of Conservative government; I spoke about the effects of Labour.

          • dannybhoy

            Erm, I think I understood that you were speaking about Labour Anton.
            So I was picking up on both comments.
            This I think, is why my second paragraph addresses Labour.
            I could if you wish move it as a reply to michaelx, but seriously, what would be the point?

      • michaelkx

        which means were in the Poo which ever way we jump.

  • dannybhoy

    Eeewwwwh!

  • Merchantman

    Maybe the most important news of the week and just in time was the prospect of the turn of the tide at education. Push back and continue to shield the children from abomination.

    • David

      From the strategic, generational position you have a good point.

  • Manfarang

    Nige to make another comeback?

    • DespiteBrexit

      Looks like he is going to have to. Bolton is utterly useless.