Mrs Proudie
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“To a man and a woman.. the Democrats have morphed into Violet Elizabeth Bott”

Goodness, what larks! I believe it was rubber-mouthed minstrel Mr. Jagger who sang about ‘Dancing in the Street’, and now half of the United States is doing it! All because of Mr. Trump’s astounding win in the election, which, of course, the ‘dancers’ cannot accept. To a man and woman (and various transgendered souls) the Democrats have morphed into Violet Elizabeth Bott. I have to say, reading some of the placards being carried and waved about, one begins to lose faith in humanity – decency being, without doubt, an early casualty of the campaign.

‘Rape Melania’ was one such message, though I have no idea which part of the Balkans Melania is situated – squeezed between Roumania and Bulgaria at a guess – or what the Ottomans are doing there. Time to consult the Baedeker. We’ve seen this sort of thing in Barchester, I’m sorry to say, when the Chartists became uppity and started smashing windows demanding universal suffrage. Well we are all suffering now (see what I did there?) from a surfeit of Progressive Liberalism, which is little more than a pseudonym for ‘Self-justified Violence’, and Mr. Trump was quite right to tell them to ‘Stop it’. Curiously, there has been no condemnation of street violence from President O’Barmey… perhaps he is enjoying the spectacle, like Nero surveying a burning Rome. Like the Chartists, the Hildabeasters are putting together a petition demanding that the election be overturned and the presidency handed to the Dark Lady of the Emails. Good luck with that, for it stands about the same chance of success.

Every November here in Barchester we remember the fallen of previous conflicts: Crécy, Agincourt, Towton, Malplaquet, Waterloo, and, most recently, the Crimea. We have long memories. It is a most moving spectacle, with a full turn-out of the Cathedral Chapter, the Bishop, civic dignitaries, the Duke and Duchess of Omnium and yours truly. At the going down of the sun Mr. Bunce blows his horn (Mr. Slope always offers but Bunce won’t let him touch it), and Mr. Slope, who was a camp follower at Magenta, distributes pansies as a symbol of brotherhood in arms. Barset hasn’t quite made it to 1914 and beyond, for the stream of time trickles slowly hereabouts, but we understand the ceremonies in London were most dignified and well-attended. Quite right, too.

My Swedish correspondent tells me the ‘Gender-neutral snow clearing’ initiative has not gone down too well. Until recently, priority was given to clearing the roads, leaving pavements for later. This angered lots of Swedish ladies (I use the word merely to annoy them) who objected: it seems men are more likely to drive to work and therefore use the roads, whereas women are more likely to walk, and therefore use the pavements. Under such a barrage of whipped-up Harpiesque fury, the authorities reversed their priorities and, as a consequence, road incidents quadrupled. There must be something strangely toxic in Swedish water. They do come up with some bizarre ideas.

But at least they have ideas… unlike Mrs. Dismay and her team. There were whispers in The Jupiter this week concerning plans, or rather the lack of them. Having given the Agincourt salute to the Zollverein and All It’s Works, it appears the Government still have no idea what independence will look like. The Archdeacon is none too pleased should this rumour be true.

“Blast and confound the woman!” he bellowed after morning service. “What is she playing at? Is she totally in thrall to the mealy-mouthed duplicitous Camel Corps appeaser-wallahs in the Foreign Office, none of whom have the slightest desire to wave goodbye to their rampant Euro slush-fundery and bijou pied-à-terres in Luberon? To me the way forward is clear: flood the blasted Channel Tunnel, tear down the blue starry duster and starve the Beast of all cash immediately.”

“But surely Mr. Blair is entitled to his pension,” I countered, disingenuously.

“Wrong Beast, Madam,” snorted the Archdeacon, before stomping off to disrobe in the vestry.

I paused a while in thought outside the Chapel of the Prodigal Arms Manufacturer: many are the beasts that beset us, and sharp are their teeth. From the Monstrous Merkin who strides Germany like a Behemoth to the Universal Spider that is Mr. Soros, there are those committed to the destruction of Christendom and the liberties and freedoms hard-won over many centuries. I bid you all, don the Basque of Bravery, the Footwear of Fortitude and the Combinations of Courage, for there are some rum times ahead. Until next week dear friends, adieu.

 

 

 

 

 

  • Martin

    “All It’s Works”? Come now Mrs Proudie …

    • Anton

      Is that a catastrophe I see before me?

      • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

        a mere slippage

      • IanCad

        Funny!!

    • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

      Mmmmmm

  • Anton

    One of today’s headlines, from the Daily Telegraph: “Girl wins right to return from the dead.”

    Are conversions now so rare that a single one makes the front page?

    • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

      I fear they are…

  • Anton

    A bishop’s wife has “faith in humanity”? Have you been dozing during your husband’s sermons, Mrs Proudie?

    • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

      I always do, dear Anton – no need to listen as I write them…

  • dannybhoy

    “I’ll thcream and thcream and thcream ’till I’m thick….. I can you know!”
    said Violent Elizabeth; as she and her pacifist college chums set about stoving in the windows of Trump Tower…
    What would William and the Outlaws make of it all I wonder?

  • Dreadnaught

    Mrs Proudie’s parody par excellece, nails it yet again.

    • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

      Too kind, dear Dreadnaught, too kind.

  • David

    “Having given the Agincourt salute to the Sollverein and all its works..”

    As a club archer of the Agincourt school your use of that event to summarise our nation’s feelings was, to me, quite sublime ! Mrs Proudie, your way with words is quite astounding, and uplifting. Once again, many thanks.

    • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

      Mr. Slope is impressed by your prowess at the butts, dear David. As indeed am I…

  • len

    Many are the beasts that beset us, but we can overcome these giants that stride the land.

    • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

      Have you seen Mrs Merkin?

      • Anton

        She is already the most disastrous Chancellor for the German people since the chap with the funny moustache, and might yet rival him.

  • Politically__Incorrect

    Good Day Mrs Proudie

    “don the Basque of Bravery”? Sadly I think not. The site of me in such apparel is hardly likely to strike fear into the heart of the enemy, though the hysterical laughter may have a taser-like effect for a short time.

    I am greatly vexed by the Swedish problem. it seems to me that those men in in their motorised carriages could have circumvented their feminist problems entirely by driving on the pavement. “Kill two birds with one car stone” as the saying goes.

    • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

      I like the cut of your jib…dear Politically

  • My old history master would fit in nicely at Barchester, he believe that history was concerned with events that had taken place more than 100 years ago. He just about recognised that Queen Victoria had come to the throne in Britain. Anything more recent was current Events!

    • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

      And he was right of course!

    • David

      Yes he was right. Everything nearer than a century is too close to be properly understood in its proper context.

      • Anton

        Which is not to say that we shouldn’t try. World War 2 is, I submit, fairly well understood.

        • As I noted above, my views of WW2 are certainly coloured by what happened to me and my family.
          You can look at the events, but I’m not sure if you can impartially look at what was behind them. When you can study the Nazi party and Hitler without using the words ‘bad’, ‘evil’ or some similar epithet and provide an honest analysis of the reasons for their rise and ambitions, then it becomes history. We don’t automatically attach those words to Napoleon these days, but I suspect that the Victorians did!

          • Anton

            Why do you think that intellectual and moral judgements are mutually exclusive in regard to historical events?

          • There is an enormous tendency to see past events in the light of today’s morals, and I think it is impossible to be morally independent in respect of events which surrounded you. Today’s morals would suggest that the slave trade was indefensible, but for a long while at the time it was considered perfectly acceptable. We can discuss the issues and separate thinking then from thinking now. It would be hard to do so with more recent events.
            Certainly, I don’t believe that I could do so. Many, these days, criticise the bombing of Dresden on moral grounds, whereas I know the view of my father at the time would have been that it was great news to be celebrated as another German town destroyed on the road to victory.

          • Anton

            I think that you avoid the hard question by your use of the passive: Today’s morals would suggest that the slave trade was indefensible, but for a long while at the time it was considered perfectly acceptable. By whom? Some of the colonists on the east coast of America protested or declined to own slaves, and Rhode Island outlawed slavery from its beginnings until the end of the 17th century by which time men of economic expediency had grabbed the reins of local power in the colony. Any Bible-owner could have read Christ’s words, “Do as you would be done by” and asked themselves if they wished to be enslaved.

          • By whom? By those who bought and sold slaves.

          • You cannot judge yesterdays events by todays standards.

          • My whole point, and exactly the view of my History Master.

          • Anton

            You can try applying biblical standards, which are eternal.

          • “An eye for an eye . . . . ” . Let’s bring back capital punishment.

          • Anton

            I’m merely using the Bible to work out God’s view of things and apply it to history, but if you wish to restore capital punishment then that’s OK with me.

      • Yes, my views of WW1 are coloured by my father’s and uncle’s experiences. Even my views of the Victorian era are affected by stories my grandmother (born 1963) told me of her life. My father’s views on Germany and the incompetence of our government during the thirties is probably due to him going to Germany a few times a year as a senior employee in a German company in Britain.

        • chefofsinners

          1963? One has heard of certain ‘council estates’ where the rate of reproduction is inversely proportional to intellect, and benefits such as pensions are claimed from the crib. I had not taken you for an inmate of such a place.

          • My poor proofreading yet again, it should be 1863, I was thinking of when she died at over 100.
            I’ve amended it accordingly!

          • bluedog

            Indeed, those on benefits should not be allowed to beget progeny at the taxpayer’s expense, even unto the seventh generation.

    • IanCad

      Ours stopped at 1066; and then, after a brief pause at The Levellers, a comprehensive study of the rise and rise of the Labour Party.

      • Mine stopped with Henry VIII. I then opted for the “science” stream which cut out history & geography for physics & chemistry.

      • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

        Oh you poor thing!

      • Royinsouthwest

        Do you think they will have reached the fall of the Labour Party under Milliband and Corbyn yet?

  • IanCad

    And I thought you were taking the Mick, Mrs. P.!

    “Gender-neutral snow clearing” Indeed! Pull the other one.

    Sometimes I wish Google just did not exist to confirm the madness of this world.

    “All the world is queer save thee and me, and even thou art a little queer.” Robert Owen.

    • Anton

      The Swedes need a little more of the Viking spirit…

      • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

        The Swedes have been drinking too much of it I fear….

    • David

      It was reported on Breitbart London. Sweden is a country I used to know many decades ago. It was a wonderful place in a slightly left of centre sort of way. But now …. so sad …… the south is ruined. That’s what come of having too compliant a population allowing themselves to be brainwashed. The present insurrection represented by Brexit and Trump’s victory has not come a moment too soon for us…. we must keep pushing against the utter mad destructiveness of the liberal fantasists !

    • Anton

      When you read of madness like that it becomes easy to understand why God is giving Sweden over to Islam.

  • CliveM
  • IanCad

    What with your Swedes, and now these Yanks Mrs P., I am quite proud to be merely slightly eccentric.

    From today’s Lake County News (CA):
    “Lopez receiving a 311-year sentence and Braden, who had a previous felony conviction, got an additional year for a total of 312 years.”

    And, a little further down:
    “The changes to Braden’s sentence from first-degree to second-degree murder bring it from a total of 312 years down to 248 years, Anderson said.”

  • Inspector General

    Good Day to you, Mrs Proudie.

    You find before you a distressed Inspector, in the immediate. He has fled a neighbouring thread having been unwise to utter heresy, and there are three ruffians after him resultant. Sanctuary, dear lady. Can you offer him sanctuary…or to put it another way, to preserve his hide though not necessarily to be cured as such, which is what the aforementioned three may have in mind. A damn good curing, one fears…

    • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

      Sanctuary? Well now, you’d have to make it to the Sanctuary Door of the Cathedral, grasp the knocker with both hands and rap three times whilst reciting the Creed. One of the vergers will let you in. You could take up lodgings in the Anchorite’s Cell, last used in 1367 I believe by Margery de Castingcouch…Mr. Slope will do you a put-me-up and I’ll send over the hobnobs.

      • Inspector General

        Thank you, dear heart. You are a bosom of mercy. Now, no time to loose. To the Cathedral Armoury. The Inspector can make use of Barchester’s most scared relic. Yes. The very sword used by the Dean of Christ Church, Oxford, to behead Alan Turing…

        • chefofsinners

          And where will you hide your immortal soul, Inspector? There is no bosom big enough. Yea though you grasp the Barechester knockers with both hands, they will not cover your heterodoxy.

          • Inspector General

            Better make that 4 ruffians, Mrs Proudie…

          • chefofsinners

            4 ruffians pursuing a Rastafarian (or similar)

          • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

            I cannot believe the Inspector has so much hair left…

          • Inspector General

            A full head of the grey black, dear thing. Irish genes you see. No Anglo Saxon thinning pate for him!

          • chefofsinners

            Not to mention generous contributions from the eyebrows, ears and nostrils.

          • Inspector General

            Chief, are you up for hair transplant, Elton John style? The Inspector will be a willing donor for you. He has a few on his posterior you can have. Problem though, they’re rather dark, and tend to curl at the end. Burt it’s better than the present nothing. Do let him know…

        • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

          My bosom of mercy is swathed in bombazine…and didn’t Turing become Cumberbatch in later life? So confusing…

      • Anton

        Dear Mrs Proudie

        It is the Inspector’s denial of part of the Creed that is at issue. Pray ask your vergers to enquire of him what he means by it before admitting him.

        • Inspector General

          Clear off, Anton. The Inspector is here and has taken the Barchester Children’s Choir as hostages. He has a Webley Mark 4 and will start shooting them. One at a time, youngest first, until you leave….

          • chefofsinners

            It is more likely that the children’s choir has taken the Inspector hostage.

        • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

          surely we share the Nicene Creed?

          • Anton

            The Inspector disputes that Our Lord is divine, and suggests that He is merely an angelic being; by all means check the previous thread for your good self, Mrs Proudie. On a thread many months ago when your humble correspondent asked the Inspector whether he could recite the Creed with a clear conscience, he said that he crossed his fingers at that point, or words to that effect. We wish to use no sword against his person other than that of the Holy Spirit, be assured.

          • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

            Goodness! I always thought the Inspector was a standard RC person! I have every regard for angels and archangels as scripture outlines, but Our Lord was not an angel…oh dear, in modern parlance that means he wasn’t all good…when he was…oh you all know what I mean! Inspector, pray explain yourself…hobnobs on hold until you do!

          • Inspector General

            A mere Angel. A MERE Angel, Sir! Divinely conceived and carried to term by our Mother Mary, sir!

          • Anton

            The gap between Creator and created is the greatest gap in existence, Inspector. Men will judge angels (1 Corinthians 6:3).

          • Inspector General

            You’re thinking of the difference between nought and one.

    • Royinsouthwest

      Won’t the Mouse and Wheel (or whatever your local is called) offer you sanctuary?

      • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

        You mean The Apostate and the Gridiron?

      • Inspector General

        Dreadful news, Roy. The ‘Mouse and Wheel’ has been under new management for a few months now. Ghastly types, and what’s worst, they’ve brought their clientele from their previous place with them. The Inspector was most alarmed to find himself at the bar and being the only one in a crowd not to have an arm tattoo. And there’s even more. The cleanliness of the Gentlemens whatever is now worse than similar in Calcutta. Fortunately, there is a hostelry nearby called ‘The New Mouse and Wheel’ where one can sup in non typhus encouraging surroundings…

  • chefofsinners

    Your words are truth, Mrs Proudie.
    One hears that ‘post truth’ is to be declared the word of the year. Since it is two words, that seems internally consistent at least. But beware! This is the latest shabby ruse by the bad loser brigade. Rather than accept that they have lost the election because they have lost the arguments, our progressive friends now insinuate that the people have chosen a lie.
    And what meaneth this bleating? ‘Tis the Democrats saying they have won the popular vote. Like a football team who had 51% of the possession but lost 3-0, claiming that the rules should be changed retrospectively.
    Make no mistake, the word of the year is ‘democracy’.

    • Inspector General

      “Let us in our prayers tonight remember all the degenerate American types who didn’t bother voting for Hillary because they thought she had it ‘in the bag’. May the peace of righteousness overcome their miserable regrets.”

      • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

        I shall pray for Melania Trump, who has been much vilified and slandered over this election…

        • chefofsinners

          In fairness, it’s not easy being named after a skin cancer.

          • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

            Indeed, the poor woman needs friends across the globe…

        • Royinsouthwest

          She must be glad that the politicallly correct do not actually hate anybody, unlike the nasty right-wingers!

    • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

      ‘Post Truth’ sounds highly suspect…oh the devilish cleverness of those progressives who twist the language so that black means white and wicked means good…

  • chefofsinners

    Suppose we all nominated Linus as Christian of the year…?

    • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

      Oh how splendid! Count me in!!!!!

      • chefofsinners

        For services rendered: making us all seem so rational and loving and the alternatives so ghastly.

        • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

          Yes, it is a bit self-serving of course, which is a sin…but bloody hell it would piss him off!

          • chefofsinners

            The prospect ravishes the wistful soul.

          • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

            Or the prospect wists the ravished soul,,,,(ok I made up’ wists’)

          • chefofsinners

            No you didn’t. Our Fwench cowespondent has limp wists.

    • Royinsouthwest

      If he were to win the award would he accept it more graciously than Bob Dylan accepted the Nobel Prize for literature? Perhaps they could swop awards; Bob Dylan coud be “Christian of the Year” because of his hit, admittedly of many years ago, Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door while Linus could get the Nobel Prize for Literature in recognition of his imaginative stories published by the Archbishop Cranmer website.

      • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

        A good point Roy…though a Nobel prize for Linus’s literary output is like a Health and Safety Award for Tracy Emin’s unmade bed….

        • chefofsinners

          Or this year’s Ignobel prize, awarded to Ahmed Shafik, for putting human testicles in a polyester sling to check the “electrostaticpotentials generated by friction between the polyester suspensor and the scrotal skin”.

  • Dominic Stockford

    I hear that the agent of the Christian Peoples Alliance candidate* in the forthcoming Richmond Park by-election was roundly booed at a hustings last week for daring to support ‘same-sex marriage’, among other of the ‘modern mores’ that bedevil our society. I hope that future meetings do not develop into more significant opposition.

    *The candidate was returning from his mother-in-law’s (very Christian) funeral and was thus unavailable.

    • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

      Goodness!

    • TropicalAnglican

      The Christian Peoples Alliance candidate supports same-sex marriage?

      • Dominic Stockford

        A most mysterious change of word, it started out as ‘opposed’, now changed back, and I hope it remains ‘opposed’.

  • bluedog

    Glory be, Mrs P, Towton? A great and just victory one concedes, proving that the Lord God of Battles knoweth his own children and looks kindly upon them. In which case, what of the reverse at Bosworth? How could the Welsh scum and their traitrous allies prevail?

    • Dominic Stockford

      How did they lose? Richard III was a Roman Catholic, not a Christian, so why would God support either side?

      • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

        Goodness! I have never denied Roman Catholics were Christian, just misguided…

      • bluedog

        Richard was the first modern monarch and a figure of enlightenment.

        • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

          Indeed he was. The last of an amazing dynasty…

        • Anton

          Both sides in the Wars of the Roses merely lusted after raw political power. No principles were at stake.

          • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

            Oh…..chill!

          • bluedog

            But look what we have done for the entertainment industry; Game of Thrones and just about every other BBC costume drama. It’s all about us, what more could one want?

          • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

            Dare we call ourselves Plantagenets?

          • bluedog

            No. A deeply embarrassing exercise in pretension that dishonours one’s other splendid forebears. Is all we can say is that 16 generations ago some of our antecedents were Plantagenets and that we are part of a very large group (estimated at over 30,000) who similarly descend. Doesn’t put bread on the table either.

          • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

            I suppose not…

          • Anton

            I’ve never watched Game of Thrones but isn’t it just Tolkien with sex?

          • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

            Well, I haven’t seen many elves or dwarves in Game of Thrones…

          • Anton

            I am in your hands for details of this series, Mrs Proudie.

            This battlefield is on my wish list:

            https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_the_Teutoburg_Forest

          • chefofsinners

            There are many elves and dwarves, even on this site, but they tend to hide behind a gnome de plume.

          • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

            There are trolls, certainly…

      • Old Nick

        God supported the Assyrians when it suited Him – as Jeremiah was swift to point out, long before Byron.

      • Splinter and beam …..

    • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

      One descends from Anne of Exeter, Richard III’s sister (as do many English folk it has to be said) so one is firmly in the Yorkist camp. I always cross my fingers when we mention Towton in the Barchester ceremonies. but then one prays for all lost souls.

      • bluedog

        Fancy that, Mrs P, one would never have guessed. One descends from Isabel of Cambridge, Richard’s aunt, and takes a Yorkist view of history.

        • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

          Then we are…cousins….goodness! Henceforth I shall call you ‘Cuz’

          • bluedog

            So it would seem, Mrs P. Our common ancestor would be Richard of Conisburgh, he of the Southampton Plot, that makes Henry V such an awkward play to endure.

          • Anton

            It is what Henry V did to the Lollards which makes that play hard to endure. I have, however, trod the battlefields of Agincourt, Crecy, Towton and Bosworth (yes, the real battlefield, not the one that was the best guess for Bosworth Field until the present century). All are well worth seeing.

          • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

            These things I have yet to do…though I have been to Towton

          • Anton

            If you visit the site of Henry V’s triumph, beware, for the village today is called AZINCOURT, yet there is another village some tens of miles away called AGINCOURT. (No, I didn’t go to the wrong one, but I nearly did.)

          • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

            How typical of the French to throw us off the scent…so which one is the real site? Azincourt???

          • Anton

            Yes, Azincourt is the one. I declaimed this at the battlefield:

          • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

            Good man, good yeoman

          • Anton

            Also Naseby, Marston Moor (exactly 10 miles south of Towton), Edgehill (viewed from the escarpment of the hill, as the actual battle site is, appropriately, Ministry of Defence land); and, from the 18th century, Culloden. And, more soberingly still, the Somme.

          • Pubcrawler

            I have yet to get to Agincourt and Crecy (both so hard to get to by public transport), but I have been to Castillon and seen the spot where brave Talbot (and the English kingdom of France) died. And Maldon, where Byrhtnoth died (his remains are in a little niche in Ely cathedral).

          • Anton

            Maldon easily antedates the earliest battlefield I have visited. But not once I’ve bagged this place, in the forseeable future:

            https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_the_Teutoburg_Forest

            I have the book by Tony Clunn, the man who found the battlefield while in Germany as part of the British Army of the Rhine. He knew the Roman accounts well and he looked at the landscape with the eye not of a historian but a soldier, identified where he thought it might be, and went there with the 20th century’s new weapon – the metal detector. His finds confirmed his intuition. Only gripe is that his book includes made-up dialogue.

          • Pubcrawler

            There was something about that on the gogglebox a few years ago.

            I went to Maldon for the 1000th anniversary re-enactment. You must have been to Hastings, though? That’s less than a century after Maldon.

            I’ve long wanted to go to Marathon and Thermopylae. But the earliest I’ve ever been to is this one:

            https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Megiddo_(15th_century_BC)

          • Anton

            Hastings only as a child. I’ve been to Armageddon, though (Har-Megiddo).

            It was a TV programme on the Battle of the Teutoburg Forest, broadcast about 2005, that fired my interest.

          • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

            Yes but there are some excellent lines in it

          • chefofsinners

            Why?

          • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

            Stop it

      • chefofsinners

        Alack, dear lady. I descend from Henry Tudor. Engarde!

        • bluedog

          Aargh.

        • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

          But he married one of us, dear Chief

          • chefofsinners

            Kill one, marry one, pearl one. Halcyon days.

          • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

            So straightforward really, none of this Hillary Clinton election nonsense ..

          • chefofsinners

            Blessed prospect – a love child with Trump’s brains and Clinton’s looks. The house of Trumpton. May it rule for a thousand years.

          • Bluesman_1

            Chigley demurs.

          • IrishNeanderthal

            It was in the 16th century I think, that up in the northemost part of mainland Scotland the Gordons enlarged their estate by marrying the neighbour’s daughter and having the son declared insane so he could not inherit.

    • IrishNeanderthal

      How dare you?

      It was that remark by Anne Robinson that started me off learning Welsh, and while I often think that they are their own worst enemy, I will not stand for that Inglesey arrogance that threatens to blow the United Kingdom apart like radiation pressure in a Wolf-Rayet star.

      Anyway, for the enjoyment of you all, follow the on-screen lyrics (the English translation) in this song about apathy:



      • Anton

        Well said. I am English and I have lived in Scotland, near the border with Wales and shared a flat with an Irish person, and God bless them all.

        I notice that the Welsh for “Englishman” is Saes, which I take to be the same as the Scottish word “sassenach” and obviously derived from “Saxon”.

        • Dreadnaught

          Lies! Scotland doesn’t have a border with Wales.

          • Anton

            Why take the ambiguity the impossible way? To clarify: I am English and I have lived in Scotland; I have lived near the [English] border with Wales; and I have shared a flat with an Irish person. Not all at the same time!

          • Dreadnaught

            Crikey – it was meant as a joke FFS.

          • Anton

            I’m very relieved! On such subjects I tread carefully.

        • Royinsouthwest

          Yes, you are right, “Saes” is derived from “Saxon.”

      • bluedog

        Was just striking an appropriate pose. No offence meant and none taken one hopes.

  • Royinsouthwest

    My Swedish correspondent tells me the ‘Gender-neutral snow clearing’ initiative has not gone down too well.

    I imagine that the Inspector will warn us of any plans to introduce an LGBT snow clearing policy!

    • Inspector General

      Putting the LGBT to clearing snow is a damn good idea. Might keep them off the World Wide Whatever where they tend to whine…

      • Dreadnaught

        I wonder how they would go about making a Snowman: With or without sNOballs or would it have to be detachaBalls etc etc?

        • Inspector General

          Snow person, Dredders. How dare you assume it’s gender or sex or orientation. Anyway, it will no doubt have a defined anus that will take a carrot….

          • Dreadnaught

            Bummer – foiled again.

          • Inspector General

            On second thoughts, Dredders, you go for it. It’s about time the queer realised they have to live in a heterosexual world and to do so without complaint, and that their very existence results from heterosexuality…

          • Gives having a chilled cocktail a hole new meaning …..

          • Andre´Kristian

            Ni är verkligen rent förfärlig, på ett högst underhållande och charmant sätt 🙂
            Andreas.

          • Inspector General

            Good grief! It’s Andreas. Message received, that man, via google translator. For those not in the know, Andreas is a Swede, and a right winger. That means he doesn’t take too kindly to Sweden becoming an Islamic colony. Well done him, for that! Andreas is also somewhat gay by nature, but he keeps his private business to himself. Gay types in the UK could learn a lot from the fellow. To conclude, he’s a damn good egg and one wishes he would appear more often on this site.

            Salutations, Andreas!

        • IrishNeanderthal

          And poor old Go-balls …

          Here are four verses to the famous song, from a German website!

          http://ingeb.org/songs/hitlerha.html

    • chefofsinners

      Are snowballs allowed?
      Unisex igloos?

      • Royinsouthwest

        Not if they turn icy if squeezed hard before thrown. They are probably OK if they are made of soft, fluffy snow.

        • chefofsinners

          We need the Viking God of sunshine, Thaw.

          • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

            Thank you for that…I laughed my stockings off!

          • chefofsinners

            Do let me know if there’s anything else I can help you with.

          • Anton

            Great hearing what people say…

      • Royinsouthwest

        It won’t be so mighty if you break the ice and go for a swim in the sea!

      • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

        Goodness!

      • You could wave it around to offer encouragement.

        • chefofsinners

          Not since the restraining order, regrettably.

          • Then you could offer a “snow blow-job” …. perhaps?

          • chefofsinners

            Shucks, you know how to charm a gal, Jack.

  • Dreadnaught

    ++Welby flirts with the notion that ISIS and Islam are congruent after all; but offers no remedy.
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3952030/It-s-wrong-claim-ISIS-Islam-says-Archbishop-Canterbury.html

    • chefofsinners

      Good link, Dreds. If the report is accurate, it could be that the scales are beginning to fall from the bishop’s eyes. The article also reports him strongly condemning corruption within the EU and the economic impact on Greece.
      We can anticipate a backlash, followed by ‘clarification’.

    • Anton

      Let us hope that he is beginning to grow a pair.

    • Inspector General

      That’s it then. No more Islamic love-ins at Lambeth palace gardens…

    • This is encouraging.

  • weirdvisions

    Blue starry duster? I prefer to call it the barbed sphincter because the EU is nothing short of a pain in the fundament.