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Corbyn is not the Messiah: he’s a very dangerous Marxist-Leninist agitator who knows some very naughty boys

O calamity! What can one say about the election other than a debacle, a disaster and a right royal mess! I never thought Mrs. Dismay to be as sure-footed and ‘sound’ as some made out – her track record at the Home Office speaks for itself – but I didn’t expect her to shoot herself between the temples so spectacularly. The ripples have reached Barchester of course, and the weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth are manifold and legion. The Archdeacon certainly has a broad and pithy command of Anglo-Saxon, not to mention the ability to project from as far away as Plumstead, and one finds oneself (rather naughtily) praying that the laryngitis fairy knocks on his door before too long.

One does have some sympathy for poor Mr. Farron, who has resigned this week. The poor dear has found bending over backwards to lead a political party and still be a Christian too difficult in these modern, secular times, and there are only so many brickbats one can take. Alas, the days of Mr. Gladstone thundering from the pulpit, saving fallen women and leading the British Empire are long gone. I am sending the poor dear a box of freshly-baked hobnobs and a copy of my latest tract, ‘Sod ‘em and Begorrah: the DUP stand on Gay Marriage’, to let him know he is not alone.

Comrade Corbynov, fresh from a whistle-stop tour of Diane Abbott, proclaims he really won the election after all and should now be in Number 10. In my opinion, he should be in Room 101, but that is another story. Perhaps the duskily fragrant yet bizarrely innumerate Caribbeanette has been adding up the votes for him. It never ceases to amaze how people can fall for a goatishly be-whiskered Trotskyite pied piper promising rainbows and unicorns, but they do. Signora Neroni is one of them: I’m sure she believes if Corbynov would only facilitate a laying on of hands, she would take up her bed and walk. Well, as far as I’m concerned, he’s not the Messiah: he’s a very dangerous Marxist-Leninist agitator who knows some very naughty boys. Very naughty indeed.

Mr. Bunce stopped me in the High Street this morning to say the Old Gentlemen of Hiram’s Hospital are delighted that the Age of Austerity – as proclaimed by Mrs. Dismay – is over, and would the Warden see fit to raise their weekly allowance by a few more groats. I pointed out this was a matter for Mr. Harding, to whom all such supplications should be made, but I couldn’t help thinking this is the first request of many, and where will it end? Will the Old Gentlemen demand feather mattresses and china tea pots? Will they want holidays in Mablethorpe and a ration of rum per day? Such material excesses are not good for the soul, let alone diocesan finances, as I said to my Lord the Bishop this evening after we had finished our venison roast and post-prandial port.

Mr. Slope has returned, somewhat battered and bruised, from Manchester, where I believe he took part in a demonstration against Sharia Law. I only found out later that the march was organised by the LGBTQWERTY community with their rainbow flags and heavy makeup, and opposed by (gasp!) the LGBTQWERTY ‘bused-in’ community with their bricks, batons and heavy lesbians. It seems protesting about a system of justice that seeks to throw all Friends of Dorothy from high buildings or set them alight in cages is ‘Islamophobic’, and that hard-wired Muslims have every right to kill if they want to. The Jupiter claimed it was a ‘right-wing’ event organised by the EDL, but it seems they got it wrong. So much fakery going about these days. At least Mr. Slope came back in one piece – or rather in a fetching one-piece with matching hat and sling-backs. One really does worry about him.

Recently the police have warned churches and cathedrals to be especially vigilant as they may be targets for terrorist attacks. My Lord the Bishop was rather worried by this, and sought out Dean Trefoil to enquire what sort of security measures Barchester Cathedral had in place. The Dean, who is surely not destined to be on this earth much longer, was unable to elucidate, so the Archdeacon stepped it.

“Allow me to explain, my Lord,” said the Archdeacon. “We have taken this warning very seriously and have adopted the most appropriate precautions, as recommended by Cantuar himself. You will note the hand-embroidered banners hanging along the nave with the message, ‘Please leave your guns with the verger on duty’, and ‘Feeling miffed? It helps to talk it through’. The three Sisters of the Holy Paraclete have been trained in the art of turning the other cheek by Mr. Slope, whom I believe is very good at it.”

My Lord the Bishop turned a little pale and asked if the Archdeacon felt these moderate, Anglican measures were enough, considering the threat facing us.

“Of course not!” spluttered the Archdeacon, reverting to his usual manner of bluster, froth and purpleness. “Therefore, I have armed each choirboy with an automatic sub-machine gun which they can secrete under their surplices, and the minor canons are currently being coached by the SAS in survival tactics. The Mothers’ Union are stationed in various niches, keeping their eyes and ears open ready to strike if need be, armed with several hundred Molotov cocktails made from empty wine bottles collected by the Band of Hope and the Temperance League. We have stashed a few anti-personnel devices up in the clerestory and early-warning trip wires are installed in the north and south transepts. No anti-Christian weapon-toting fanatic is going to get into this cathedral and live, and that includes the BBC.”

The Bishop and I felt totally reassured.

And so, as another week slips down the sluice of time and the charivari that is politics trundles towards the toll booth of extortion along the boulevard of empty promises, I bid you all adieu.

  • Graham Wood

    As usual, a first rate ecclesiastical analysis of the political situation by Mrs P.
    Those hand embroidered banners she mentioned, with their most courteous appeal should be very effective in severely disarming recalcitrant offenders.
    (You failed to mention that the verger will need to apply to the fuzz for a firearms certificate for each and every WMD handed in to him)

    • Dominic Stockford

      And the verger will be prosecuted immediately should he not do so.

  • Chefofsinners

    Lovely bird, the Paraclete, wonderful plumage. But on the subject of pets, you must beware, for Cranmer’s hamster is on the loose. Should you feel something furry creeping up your bustle, coax it out with a titbit.
    And don’t let’s be beastly to Diane. She has recently revealed that she is suffering from type 7 diabetes.

    • Manfarang

      Type 7 on the White Classification?

      • Chefofsinners

        Sorry, I meant type 1 stupidity.

        • Manfarang

          That is what Theresa May suffers from.

        • CliveM

          I thought type 2, the type freguently brought on by fried chicken, cake and obesity?

          • Chefofsinners

            It was a typeo.

          • CliveM

            I notice mine has as well, still yours gave me the opportunity of a cheap shot at her expense!

          • Stuart Beaker

            Type o? Zero-origin, then – sophisticated.

    • Pubcrawler

      Type 7 or type 70 × 7?

    • Dominic Stockford

      Apparently (so she has said) she suffers from both type 1 (with injections) and type 2, at the same time. Poor dear.

  • Manfarang

    So glad to hear the Temperance League is doing its bit.

  • Will England’s churches and cathedrals wait until an attack has taken place before installing body scanners or will they leave us all gobsmacked by leaping into action straight away?

    The Queen has noticed ‘a very sombre national mood.’ Rather a pity that it took quite so much bloodshed to bring home to her the stupidity of her claim that ‘diversity is indeed a strength and not a threat.’

    • betteroffoutofit

      Actually – she’d be right if she referred to the cultural diversity that created the unity of Great Britain: that was Celtic, Anglian, Saxon, Jutish, ‘other’ Viking, Roman, Greek, Judaeo-Christian . . .

      What’s happened since the invaders started to impose their mono-cultures is the problem …

  • Maalaistollo

    Isn’t Grenfell Tower Corbyn’s Reichstag?

    • Paul Greenwood

      No, it is the Tower of Babel

      • Manfarang

        Built by speakers of the Gerry Adamic language eh?

        • Paul Greenwood

          you are clearly impressing yourself with obscurantism

          • Manfarang

            Irish texts, such as Lebor Gabála Érenn and Auraicept na n-Éces, claim that the legendary king Fenius Farsa chose the best features of all the confused languages and fused them to create Goidelic, the forerunner of the Irish language.

          • Chefofsinners

            You gotta love that Irish sense of humour.

          • Sarky

            To be sure.

          • Stuart Beaker

            I love Engish – you can abuse it to commit an abomination like ‘I don’t gotta!’, and you’ll be heartily disapproved of, but mostly understood. Such a language.

          • Chefofsinners

            No, sorry, didn’t understand a word of that.

          • Stuart Beaker

            Bugger.

          • No thank you.

          • IanCad

            Wonderfully flexible.
            ” I don’t gotta do what you say.”
            “I don’t gotta clue.”
            “MP’s don’t gotta know nuffin.”

          • IrishNeanderthal

            I remember reading in a book “A Panorama of Indo-European Languages” that “the Old Irish Verb is possibly the most complicated grammatical structure invented by the human brain.”

            From what I remember reading about it, it is even more complicated than the Amharic verb.

          • Stuart Beaker

            Did it work?

          • Manfarang

            Maybe years ago.
            Sinn Féin are demanding an Irish language Act.

  • David

    Thank you Mrs Proudie for your, as ever skilfully amusing summary of the week’s events.
    The media are doing a dreadful job, spinning May’s serious miscalculation, in calling a GE, as a disaster, which it isn’t. Yes she made a serious mistake by calling a GE and yes, she and her party has done a terrible job or running it. She has been diminished, and the country brought to within a hair’s breath of being seriously misgoverned by Marxist extremists. But it isn’t a disaster.
    Although the UK’s elections normally achieve decisive majorities this is not the norm elsewhere in the democratic world. Coalitions can work reasonably well. This is democracy and realpolitic, in all its messy action. Within living memory, both Conservatives and Labour have governed for appreciable lengths of time using coalitions.
    The wise course now, for patriots of all political persuasion, is to take the pressure off Mrs May, who although not my favourite politician, is the one trying to agree a viable deal with the DUP; a party that are after all, the only remaining one still holding fast to Biblical Christian social views. Moreover Christians should pray for all our politicians to behave responsibly for the overall good of the country.
    Once a reasonably robust coalition is in place, to guide us through brexit, the right generally, must finally assess how to address the decade or more long cultural campaign of the left, to win the hearts of the young and naive. Conservatives need to regain their belief in conservatism, as a moral philosophy, a morally superior philosophy; and then plot a course to explain and “sell” it to the young and naive.

    • Paul Greenwood

      The wise course for the Conservatives would have been to have David Davis create a Grand Committee for BreXit and pull in cross-party support acting under the aegis of the Government but not as a party political issue

    • Royinsouthwest

      I agree that some of the media attacks on May are unfair and it is wrong that much of the media seems to be so interested at this stage in apportioning blame and it is a disgrace that left wing agitators have opportunistically used the tragedy for their own advantage and have attempted to stir up people who are already angry. There will be enough blame to apportion when the full facts are established.

      It is true that some, possibly all, of the contributing factors have been identified (and some were discussed in the previous thread on this blog) but we need competent people, e.g. fire investigators, to make a provisional judgement on what needs to be done almost immediately in case of a similar fire breaking out elsewhere, and what should be done in the next few months to reduce the most obvious risks. By that time we should have more information about any other measures that are necessary, e.g. changes in the law. Any prosecutions can be decided on when all the facts have been established.

    • Dominic Stockford

      the only remaining “party in parliament” still holding fast to Biblical Christian social views.

      There are two others that do. And even have local councillors!

  • Inspector General

    Good Day to you Mrs Proudie.

    I say! Have you been requisitioned yet? Your bishops palace, that is. Does the place ring with the sweet music that is spoken Syrian. Perhaps Mr Corbyn will let you two stay on in the former maids room in the attic…

    Anyway, one way to avoid this certainty should the Old Bolshevik get in is to clad your edifice with something called cladding. Keeps them away, you know. Everyone, apparently. Except journalists. They’ll take the risk…

    Just a thought, old thing…

    • Royinsouthwest

      Spoken Syrian? I have read that the Syriac language which is derived from Aramaic, the language of Jesus and the original disciples, is still used by Orthodox Christians in Syria, but for liturgical purposes. Perhaps someone can tell us if it is still used as a normal spoken language.

      I hope Mrs Proudie won’t think I am taking her name in vain if I say that I think that she and the good bishop might find it quite charming to hear Syriac echoing in the hallowed cloisters whereas they might be less keen on Arabic.

      • Manfarang

        As the Western Aramaic languages of the Levant and Lebanon have become nearly extinct in non-liturgical usage, the most prolific speakers of Aramaic dialects today are predominantly ethnic Assyrian Eastern Neo-Aramaic speakers, the most numerous being the Northeast Neo-Aramaic speakers of Iraq.
        Another Western Aramaic language, Neo-Mandaean, is spoken by the Mandaeans of Iraq and Iran.

        • Royinsouthwest

          Thanks for the information.

  • Chefofsinners

    Comrade Corbyn is a photo-opportunist and an ambulance-chaser, who was until recently derided by those who now laud him as the heart-and-beard of compassion. Where was he when the IRA took thousands of lives? Not with the victims.

    • He’s shown himself to a dangerous rabble rouser.

      • Chefofsinners

        Shown himself? In the Keith Vaz sense?

    • Dominic Stockford

      Nor did he ambulance chase very well in this case, failing to turn up at a hospital to show sympathy to the injured.

      • Chefofsinners

        His beard’s crap and all.

      • MoofBongo

        What spin. He visited the scene while Theresa’s knees were still knocking. She decided to meet some people only after enormous pressure.

  • Father David

    Well, Mrs. P I suggest that you begin to have more positive thoughts about Comrade Corbyn who will probably be the next occupant of Number 10 come October and mercifully replace the current “Coalition of Chaos” (Tories + Orange Paisleyites to a man and woman) with a strong and stable administration financed by the much vaunted “Magic Money Tree””/

    • October 2017 – now why does that date seem oddly familiar?

  • Bluesman_1

    Bless you ma’am.

  • Stuart Beaker

    I am gratified that the C of E is at last finding its backbone. I do approve of recycling bottles in explosive form, and I shall do my best to contribute – just leave them at the door, shall I? Is there any way to use tealights as fuses?

  • betteroffoutofit

    Mr. Slope might be interest in one reaction I heard about, Mrs. Proudie . . .
    “The boy stood on the burning deck,
    Selling Potatoes a Penny a peck,
    Had he washed his ruddy neck?
    Had he Heck!!”

    . .

  • Inspector General

    It’s no use, Mrs Proudie. Try as one might, with all his might, the Inspector cannot feel any empathy to the victims of the fire. Perhaps it something to do with the mindless hordes that threatened those within at Kensington town hall. If any low fellow, as the Inspector obviously is, has a similar problem, do say…

    • Sarky

      The silence speaks a thousand words.

      • Chefofsinners

        Two thousand.

      • Inspector General

        We’ll see. And we won’t stand the riot police down just yet if you don’t mind. Kensington town hall reopens tomorrow. These third worlders grief is hot. Their natural temperament is hot. The temperature is going to be hot. It could get hot.

    • Dreadnaught

      Unworthy Inspector; not very Christian or British. Rather inhuman I’d say.

      • Inspector General

        It wasn’t posted lightly, Dredders. One has been going through a great deal of introspection since on why one has such opinion.

        Grotesquely, a tragedy of at the moment the very same death toll has happened in Portugal. That too get’s a mere shrug of the shoulders here. It happened a long way away. It happened to Portuguese and one has never been to Portugal. All in, somewhat acceptable really. However, Kensington is a mere 100 miles away from where this man posts. He should be of more concern resulting. But he isn’t…

        At least appreciate this man’s honesty, and not his pandering to protocol…

  • Dominic Stockford

    Church security you say? We are going to have to change our way of thinking – the Jews in the UK have already done so and have security gates, locked doors, and entry checks. Until we go to that extent we will be utterly vulnerable, and it will come, just as it did in France.

  • bluedog

    ‘The Bishop and I felt totally reassured.’

    Words that speak of the deep insecurity felt by so many. Just as nobody seems to be responsible for the decision to apply flammable cladding to Grenfell and other towers, so it seems that nobody is responsible for the immigration policies that now increasingly threaten violence across the land. The cost-benefit equation of stacking British cities with third-world immigrants is clearly highly disadvantageous to a certain idea of Britain. At some point this fundamental demographic change is going to play out politically, and as insecurity grows, so does the incentive to resist by all available means. The emergence of a Mr Mustafa Almansour of the Association of Multicultural Communities as a focus of insurrection seems to be an invention of Mrs Proudie herself. Alas, not so.

  • Father David

    Just as the “Ed stone” unveiled during the 2015 General Election campaign at Hastings – the constituency of Home Secretary Amber Rudderless came to symbolise and act as a millstone around Mr. Miliband’s neck so, I fear, the blackened burnt out remains of Grenfell Tower will be like a grave stone symbolising the short lived government of Mrs. Dismay following the June 2017 General Election. May all those who perished in the conflagration Rest in Peace.

  • len

    Anyone who can remember Labour governments in the past will know that Labour is a failed political system.
    Corbyn is no messiah,although he poses as such.

    We have an’ entitlement system’ in the UK and there are those who take out of the system with no intention of putting anything back in .This of course causes (quite rightly) causes resentment by those who pay into the system.
    Society can only function if’ fairness’ is seen as a moral duty, but sadly this is lacking right across society.

    Our society is broken and one wonders exactly how long it can continue in its present state?.

    • MoofBongo

      “and there are those who take out of the system with no intention of putting anything back in ”

      I’m guessing you mean all those billions stuck in offshore tax havens.

  • MoofBongo

    Corbyn will be PM by Christmas. The Tory complicity in Grenfell House goes right to the top. Barwell will resign within days. Gove has been parachuted in to thwart Boris, whom virtually no one in the Tory party wants as leader, when Theresa May resigns, possibly as early as next week, her position now completely untenable. There will be another stage managed leadership election, with Boris persuaded to stand aside as Gove goes through on the nod, much as May did – was it only last year? Boris will keep the Foreign Office.

    It was felt in some quarters that a coalition arrangement with the DUP would toxify the Tory brand: maybe it’s now the other way around?

    This is going to be a monumental few weeks in politics.

    • Chefofsinners

      Who will call the general election necessary for Corbyn to become PM? Brenda from Bristol?

      • MoofBongo

        Well, we’ll have to wait and see, won’t we? Paddy Power has next election in 2017 at 13/8.

        • Chefofsinners

          Only idiots bet. The fact that some idiots are betting on an early election means that it is unlikely.

          • MoofBongo

            I thought betting odds were the new opinion polls?

          • Chefofsinners

            General elections are the new opinion polls.

      • bluedog

        Brenda from Windsor?

    • IanCad

      If, as seems possible, the slithery and serially incompetent Hammond gets the nod, then you may be right about Corbyn’s chances. For, were the Tories to choose electoral suicide by appointing an arch-remainer as PM, it would result in civil war within the party.

      • Royinsouthwest

        I may (or May) be doing him an injustice but Hammond does strike me as a sort of male version of May, someone who tries to stay out of trouble by keeping a low profile while rivals wreck each others chances.

        • Merchantman

          A Blue Lizard is a truly fearful prospect.

      • God no. Hammond is best where he is, bean counting.

    • Linus

      Oh my, oh my!

      Gollum selected to replace Witchypoo as Conservative leader!!!

      Then an election…

      I refuse to believe it. It’s just too good to be true.

      Think about the apocalyptic effect this would have the on fake archbishop and his acolytes. The Conservatives wiped out for a generation. Corbyn in charge of the Soviet Socialist Republic of Little Britain. Brexit abandoned while we here in Europe fall about laughing at the chaos across the Channel. Christian nationalist political aspirations trampled into the mud, there to expire in the agony of defeat.

      Ah well, nothing’s ever so bad that you can’t make it better by singing a song. Here’s one for you:

      By the reevers of Westminster
      There we sat down
      Ye-eah we wept
      When we remembered Cameron.

      Then wicked Corbyn
      Carried us away in capteeveety
      Requiring of us a song
      Oh how shall we sing the Lord’s song
      In a diverse and equal land?

      • MoofBongo

        Never have I felt so strongly drawn to claiming the Irish Citizenship to which I am so glad to be entitled.

      • len

        If we go you will soon follow Linus. House of cards effect. Pull one then the rest will go.

        • Linus

          The EU is stronger without the carping presence of the Brits objecting to everything, opting out of everything, but still maintaining their privileged access to our markets.

          We’re casting loose a sinking ship that might have dragged us down. Now you can sink on your own without endangering other lives.

          • len
          • Ivan M

            Its a game of chicken. Trump does not care about Europe. Putin does not want a strong Europe. Europe is.a poodle without the UK.

          • Linus

            Time brings all empires low in the end. The only constant in life is change.

            The EU stands a better chance of peace and prosperity in the foreseeable future than Britain does.

            You’re staggering from crisis to crisis and may soon have a neo-Trotskyist government to negotiate Brexit for you. That should be interesting.

            Maybe Diane Abbot will be put in charge of the negotiations. There’ll be no deal for Britain, but not to worry, because all of your doctors and nurses and teachers and firemen will only cost £3.50p a year to fund. Diane’s done her sums. So your public services are safe.

          • John C

            “The EU is stronger without the carping presence of the Brits” – LMAO. The funniest thing on the Internet. The EU is collapsing as we speak. With Britain out, the Visehrad nations will leave pronto. And then southern Europe will rebel.

          • Inspector General

            Absolutely, sir! What people have failed to grasp is that these also ran countries of the EU are only in it for what they can get out of it. We’ve seen some evidence of that by examples failing to implement EU directives and facing court action. With a major paymaster like the UK out, the end is certainly nigh…

          • John C

            Don’t forget that France also constantly flouts EU rules.

          • So does Greece.

          • Linus

            Nobody’s leaving but Britain. And you’ll beg to stay before the end.

            We’re looking at Britain’s total humiliation on the world political and economic stage. If we let you stay, it will only be on the condition that you lose all your rebates and opt-outs. You’ll be far worse off than you were before. But the alternative of being cast loose with no Brexit deal, no trade deal with any other country and a neo-Trotskyist tax-and-spend government will cause you to accept any terms gratefully. The alternative is too terrible to contemplate.

            And yes, we French are loving every moment of this. Serves you Brits and your narcissistic personality disorder right.

          • John C

            Unhinged thick ignorant racist drivel.
            Do one.

          • Linus

            Do you?

            No thanks. I don’t do decrepit old fascists. Something about the smell of whiskey, camphor and dental plaque is a real passion killer.

          • John C

            You really are one thick illiterate fncking m0ron

          • Linus

            Go right ahead and vomit all the bile you like. The only effect it will have is to burn your throat and erode your teeth, although you may lose a little weight, which at your age might not be a bad thing.

            Careful though. Soft tissue burns don’t heal fast in the over 80s. And really, didn’t the Spencer case teach us that bulimia is not the best solution for an expanding waistline?

          • MoofBongo

            And you called me “spittle-flecked” lol

          • No we wont be begging to stay at all. Why should we continue to be one of 28 cats in a sack? The world is moving on without us, new trading areas are being formed and deals are being made, new friendships and partnerships are developing around the world and we are stuck in a diminishing trading area, trapped in a tiny little customs union, choking in a political union missing out on it all.
            No deal and Trading under WTO rules would make us better off than we are now and free to trade with others so that we may not be so reliant on selling arms to the Saudis.

            I do agree however, that a Labour gov. especially under JC would be our financial, economic and moral ruin. Don’t forget the only reason we had to endure the austerity in the first place was because the previous Labour government’s policies had run us into the ground. Corbynov and his magic money tree would do us even more harm. Every time I think Labour government I have in my mind that picture of the rubbish piling high on the streets as the country ground to a halt.

          • Linus

            The Single Market is one of the premier trading blocs in the world. It also happens to be right on your doorstep. You can export to it without incurring enormous transport costs that make your products both uncompetitive and undesirable from a carbon footprint point of view.

            But go ahead and try to trade with China and India. Firstly you’ll have to negotiate deals with them, which could take years. Secondly, your products will have to be competitive, which means your currency is going to have to nosedive even further causing immense downwards pressure on wages. And thirdly, the Indians have already said they’ll demand immigration rights as part of any deal. So your dream of keeping Britain all shiny white and Christian is doomed.

            Say bye bye to Continental holidays and imported goods. Two weeks on the Côte d’Azur or even the Costa Brava will be beyond the means of the average British family once Sterling has been flushed down the toilet in an attempt to make your products more attractive. Margate and Blackpool it will be.

            Lucky you!

          • We don’t get any benefits from exporting to the Single Market.

            Simply say no to India’s demands, they shouldn’t politicise trade. Bet they haven’t demanded immigration rights from Putin for being able to sell their goods in Russia.

            We can join the ASEAN Free Trade Area instead or join the Shanghai Co-operation Organisation which is mainly a counter balance to NATO, but which does cover trading too. I see India and Pakistan have joined the SCO this year making it 8 countries. But, really to trade with other countries it’s not necessary to be in a bloc. Our government can make friends and pave the way for our companies to attend all the Expo’s around the world. Our goods are high end quality.
            India stepped in quickly to present their goods in the Russian Expos to take advantage of the sanctions against Russia by the EU and US. And there’s us stuck in the sack unable to do anything.

            You’ve got other world leaders travelling around the world, forging deals with each other, where are we in amongst all this activity I’m wondering.

            Space travel is the next big thing, how many people would love to spend a week in a space station hotel I wonder? Quite a few I would imagine and what an experience that would be phoning home from outer space.

          • Linus

            Easy peasy, all you have to do is think of a far-flung country and they’ll come begging on their knees to buy your goods. And if they don’t then you’ll open hotels in space and every Brit will become an overnight millionaire.

            Well, that’s what they’d do in Cloud Cuckoo Land, at least. Which is exact where you think you live. Of course the rest of the world will fall into line behind your deluded fantasy. I mean, aren’t your dreams the ultimate reality?

            Meanwhile in the real Britain, panic sets in as people suddenly realise just how vulnerable the country’s economy is. But none of that matters to you, does it? “Tra-la-la, everything’s fine because I say so, if we can’t sell M&S tat to Europe, we’ll sell unicorn wool to the pixies…” is your response to any objections to your deluded isolationism.

          • Everything is not fine Linus, we must make more efforts.
            I’m advocating we get out on the world trade circuit, attend all the International Forums to make new friends and deals, get our goods into trade Expos in countries we don’t normally frequent. Of course it’s another matter if we’ve got nowt much to sell.

          • Linus

            Whatever you do or don’t have to sell, you’re going to have to get out and try to sell it somewhere. Good luck to you. You’re going to need it.

            Meanwhile I note that M. Barnier’s EU negotiating team has just just won a notable victory over the Brits by imposing his agenda on the Brexit talks. Davis and his team just rolled over and caved, almost without a fight. They finally seem to realise just how weak their position is.

            Your government is in meltdown with the queen’s speech looming and still no deal done between the Tories and the DUP. The situation in Britain is spiralling out of control with terrorist attacks every few days and now revenge attacks on Muslims. The lack of respect and fraternal feeling is so deeply ingrained in British society that your building industry is willing to use dangerous, flammable materials in public housing projects in order to increase its profits. If a few destitutes and immigrants burn, who cares?

            That’s the state of modern Britain. We should be glad to be casting you loose. Your “greed is good” culture is contaminating us all. Go trade with whoever you can. You’re going to have to take the scraps where you can find them now. But who knows – other bottom feeders manage to prosper, so maybe you will too.

            Well, some of you at least. The rest can be herded into those plastic tower blocks and offered a cigarette.

          • I think I sort of know where Mr Davis is heading with his negotiations but, as charming and intelligent though he is has yet to show the steely backbone, sheer will power, strength and determination to get Brexit concluded in a Mrs Thatcheresque like result when she got us the rebate. I feel he needs Mr Farrage on the team. But, let us not be too negative Linus.

            Your country France is no better, all under the flag of the EU are not peaceful or prosperous any longer, there is far too much corruption going on.

          • Linus

            We have a newly elected president who has just secured a large majority in the National Assembly.

            Half the new députés of the governing party are political novices and have never been implicated in any kind of scandal, political or otherwise. The other half have been vetted and passed as at least not overtly corrupt. This must be the least corrupt government any EU country has seen for decades.

            There are issues with the president’s coalition partner, an established party mired in the same scandals as all other established political parties. But as Macron got an absolute majority in the legislative elections, he doesn’t need them to govern, so if they don’t clear their name soon, he’ll cut them loose and govern on his own. He can do it. He has the votes.

            All other established parties have been decimated and now count for little. France’s political landscape has been radically altered. It’s a new beginning and, as with all new beginnings, has unleashed a wave of optimism and hope. Business confidence is skyrocketing and economic indicators are looking up throughout France. Macron’s fervently pro-Europe stance has breathed new life into the EU and support for it is rising sharply across the Continent, not just in France.

            Britain is quitting the EU just as it starts to leave the stagnation and doubt of the past few years behind. Your economy is extremely wobbly, your government extremely weak and you’re in no position to dictate anything to anyone. Indeed as the start of the Brexit negotiations has shown, we can impose whatever we like on you. What can you do except roll over and take it?

            Irrelevant old nobodies like you might bluster and expostulate and threaten to take all sorts of revenge if the EU doesn’t bow to your demands. But realistically, what power do you have to change anything? Your own political class ignores you, so you can be sure that nobody in Europe will listen to you, or take you for anything other than what you are: a fringe extremist who counts for absolutely nothing.

            So go ahead and build whatever kind of free-trade fantasy you like. The result of the Brexit negotiations will show it to be pure fiction, so you don’t have long to enjoy your illusions. As M. Barnier has already said: “Le Royaume-Uni quitte l’Union européenne, pas l’inverse ; il faut que chacun assume les conséquences de ses décisions. Elles sont massives… humaines, financières, sociales, économiques, juridiques, politiques. Je ne suis pas dans l’état d’esprit de faire ou de demander des concessions.” That’s clear enough. You’re not going to get a favourable deal. You’re on your own now.

          • You might have a shiny new president but he’s only window dressing, good for tourism. You’re still ruled and beholden to the corrupt EU and its bunch of drunken old commissioners who are only fit for the knackers yard.

            The dangerous and expensive fantasy is the EU, which is an emulation of the Brezhnev era, free movement of people, free movement of cheap labour, no proper defences as we’ll have to share, relinquishing our British sovereignty, justice system, laws, and government as ever closer union sucks us in. We’ll all be irrelevant old nobodies you included.

            The People’s Army and UKIP got us the referendum, wo betide if we don’t get out, UKIP and the People’s Army have not gone away. The Grassroots Out organisation would also be woken from its slumber. It was superb.
            It was the little people that spoke, thanks to Mr Farage. We can see the dangers of losing control.

          • Linus

            I’ll take our “shiny new president” over your raddled old raisin of a prime minister any day. She looks as though someone has washed her, wrung her out, left her to dry and failed to iron her. The impression she gives of being totally defeated by events does not inspire confidence. I’ve seen deer caught in the glare of headlights give a better impression of purpose and determination.

            You’re at sea with an empty, scrunched up paper bag as captain. No wonder you’re going around in ever decreasing circles.

            Macron has youth, vigour and charisma on his side. The contrast between him and May at their joint press conference the other day spoke volumes. Macron exuded poise, confidence and purpose. May stumbled about like a dazed old granny, dropping her notes, fluffing her lines and looking for all the world like one’s aged maiden aunt as she asks you for the 20th time that visit whether you’d like a cup of tea. “Is it Alzheimer’s or just common, garden dementia?” one asks oneself. Time to call her doctor for a chat.

            Macron has a mandate to reform France. A reformed France freed from the paralysis brought about by a system built up over the years by a corrupt political class, exemplified by the likes of Fillon and the entire Socialist Party, will once again take its rightful place beside Germany as a leader of the European project.

            The EU has been re-energised by the renewed commitment of France to its future and ideals. The UK’s departure gives extra impetus to this new sense of purpose. If ever there was a reluctant, complaining, carping, uncooperative EU member, it was the UK. You dragged us down, muddying the waters and making it impossible to move forward in a united manner. No wonder the EU was losing steam and grinding to a halt.

            With your withdrawal, the brakes are suddenly off and we can move forwards. And leave you a coughing and spluttering bystander in our wake.

            While you’re reeling in the dust and wondering how you’re going to catch up with a driver who doesn’t know where to find the accelerator or the steering wheel, we’ll be well on our way to our rendezvous with our renewed prosperity and progress. La jeune République est en marche. Le vieux royaume est en panne.

          • Nothing will change much in France Linus.

            But I do think you might have a valid point or two about Mrs May. Wrinkles don’t matter really, she needs more steam, to think on her feet and be more assertive, to be firm especially with the DUP, £2 billion! Not a chance go hang, and be able to pull the rug out from under the Liberals and Labour lot. She seems to take far too long over some things allowing time for the opposition and their rampant disruption to take a hold.

          • Linus

            If wrinkles don’t matter, why is there a multi-billion euro industry devoted to eradicating them?

            Of course wrinkles matter. Macron’s smooth and vigorous youth contrasts sharply with the Maybot’s wizened and flaccid age. They speak of an energetic man in his prime bringing new solutions to the problems foisted on us by aging dinosaurs.

            The Maybot should be planning her retirement rather than deluding herself into thinking she can run a country. Politics is not The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.

          • Or they speak of repeating the same mistakes over again.

            Politics is also not a junior school playground either despite some members behaving like they are in the Fenn Street gang.
            In politics wrinkles do not matter as much then. I mean just look at how well that wrinkly old codger Corbynov is doing. He’ll win the next election if we’re not careful.

            But, I do agree, the Maybot should be thinking of retirement.
            Nigel needs to get back in the UKIP saddle in time but, I don’t think the public has the appetite for another general election. It would be another hung parliament this time w Labour.

    • Hi

      You are forgetting how difficult it will be to do so in respect of the fixed term parliament act. The prediction should at best be Theresa May will be gone (well before) Christmas.

      • MoofBongo

        I must admit I haven’t read the act. It didn’t appear to be an obstacle to last weeks election. Is there a specific reason why another couldn’t happen this year?

        • Hi

          An early election used to be called by either the prime minister using the royal prerogative or via a loss of a simple no confidence vote , as defined by the government and convention e.g. not being able to pass a budget or the Queens speech or some major legislation.

          However the parliament act changed this by taking away the Royal Prerogative powers and give it to the house of commons . Therefore an early election can only occur under two options.

          Option a is if two thirds of the total house vote to do so (434 MPs , rather than a simple majority). This is highly unlikely as the Conservatives don’t want another election this year and only if Labour and Conservative agree would that happen .

          The other way, option b, to call an early election is by a specifically worded vote of no confidence as laid out in the act. Thus while in the old days the government would fall and an election triggered if they couldn’t pass the Queens speech , the opposition has today to put a specific motion forward. If this motion passes via simple majority JC and anyone else have 14 days to form an alternative government.

          If they do in turn this new alternative needs to a win a specific vote of confidence. If this doesn’t pass then there’s an election. But the act is vague here, as to whether JC or TM would be the PM during the 14 days or even during the election.

          But let’s say that Labour do get a vote of confidence and form a government it cannot easily call an election (unless it calls and passes a no confidence vote in itself or convinces -somehow- the Conservatives to get the two thirds required under option a ) but once in power is highly unlikely to be able to pass any legislation: the Tories will find it tough with just the DUP to deal with.

          Labour would have to deal with the DUP, SNP (who don’t vote on non Scottish domestic matters) , the lib dems , the Plaid , greens etc. They cannot just get these folks to abstain as Labour are sixty seats behind the Conservatives. Labour will need every vote available to them.

        • MoofBongo

          Ps I don’t think there is.

  • Linus

    Corbyn may not be the messiah, but if given the choice between him and the walking disaster area that is Theresa Maybot, voters will probably choose him to be your next prime minister.

    Maybot barely managed to hang on to power when the worst reproaches that could be flung at her were her dull, chartered accountant-like media presence and her lack of warmth and charisma.

    But that was pre-Grenfell. Now she’s being accused of presiding over a system where babies can be burned alive so that fat cat Tory bosses can save a few quid.

    There’s no way back from such a PR disaster. Had she come out weeping and commiserating on the day of the fire and then walked among the victims pressing their flesh and oozing warmth and sympathy, she might have been able to ride this out. But looking cold, uncaring and distant – in fact acting like the queen, while the queen was out there doing the full song-and-dance, boo-hoo-me-so-sorry routine – sealed her fate.

    If the Conservatives know what’s good for them, she’ll be out before the summer vac. Given that they had no mandate to govern even with the Maybot in charge, they’ll then have no choice but to call an election. An election that Corbyn stands a very good chance of winning.

    Personally I think he’ll be a catastrophically bad prime minister. If Britain elects him, you’re in for decades of economic and social chaos. But given the even more unpalatable alternatives in a Conservative line-up consisting of Satan, Sauron, Voldemort, Witchypoo and Chuckles The Clown, he’ll win by default.

    And then the gnashing of teeth, the rending of garments and the tearing of hair on this blog will be nothing short of apocalyptic. All my birthdays will have come at once. I may quite simply drown in the massive wave of Schadenfreude that washes over me…

    • len

      I fear you might be right Linus.

      • Linus

        Time will tell if I am right. In the meantime, it’ll be enough for me to know that you’re contemplating the prospect of a Labour government, and weeping.

        I do hope Corbyn puts Diane Abbot in the Home Office. Didn’t she make an election promise to close down radical religious websites as part of the fight against terror?

        Bye bye fake archbishop. Censored for promoting sectarian divisions and for undermining diversity and equality.

        Where will all the commenters go to bitch when Hilton is languishing in chains in the Tower? And what will they do when Diane breaks him and he stands – and is elected – as Labour candidate in the next Tower Hamlets by-election?

        I can see his ticket now: free abortions and/or mandatory practical instruction in gay sex for all 9 year olds, the CofE disestablished and all clergy forced to undergo re-education in secular dechristification camps, the conversion of all churches and mosques into Equality and Diversity Temples…

        When a zealot leaves one form of zealotry behind, he throws himself whole-heartedly into another. Comrade Cranmer is just a Labour victory away.

        • len

          Bit over the top even for you Linus?..

          God will bring good out of what others intend for evil.

          I have no doubt the world is entering a period like no other it has encountered before but I have read the Bible and know how and what the end will bring.

          As the prophet Habakkuk said;( Habakkuk 3)

          .Yet I will wait patiently for the day of calamity
          to come on the nation invading us.

          Though the fig tree does not bud
          and there are no grapes on the vines,
          though the olive crop fails
          and the fields produce no food,
          though there are no sheep in the pen
          and no cattle in the stalls,

          yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
          I will be joyful in God my Saviour.

          The Sovereign Lord is my strength;
          he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
          he enables me to tread on the heights

          (Of course like the Cross of Jesus Christ this will seem as ‘foolishness’ to some)

          • Linus

            Not foolishness so much as delusion. But then I suppose the two are often difficult to distinguish.

            I hope your feet aren’t really like the feet of deer. Hard, horny and split down the middle. I know a good chiropedist in Kensington if you need treatment. He isn’t NHS of course, but then you get what you pay for.

          • Chefofsinners

            I read this text in church this morning. Do you know the poem / hymn by William Cowper ‘Sometimes a light surprises’?

      • Ivan M

        Grow a spine.

        • len

          Linus has a valid point(like him or not) my spines fine, thanks for your concern

    • MoofBongo

      I was beginning to think I was a lone voice, on here at least.

      • Chefofsinners

        You make a lovely couple.

      • Inspector General

        If you want to associate with that queer narcissist, that’s your problem. He comes here almost daily to top up his victimhood bottle. Don’t think he’ll share any with you, mind…

        • MoofBongo

          Well, I think he’s nice.

          • Inspector General

            Have another go. This time try ‘psychotic’…

          • MoofBongo

            Are you flirting with me, Inspector, you naughty boy?

          • Inspector General

            Are you a bender, sir? If you are, no problem. It’s just that one needs to know these things….

          • MoofBongo

            No, I’m a red blooded male, and the book says I cannot fail.

          • Inspector General

            In that case, Linus will surely fall in love with you. Although he has a ‘husband’ it is accepted that gay unions are worth spit. By the way, what are you like at rubbing ointment in. It will be mentioned at your first date, you understand…

    • IanCad

      There’s no facility for giving you a half-uptick, for your last two paragraphs forbid a full.

      • Linus

        What, you think Corbyn will be a good prime minister who will preside over an era of British social and economic renaissance?

        That’s an atypical view for someone who comments here.

        • IanCad

          No Linus! I think he would be a disaster for our country. That said, I will state that the likelihood of a government with a substantial majority within the next few years appears unlikely. Government is best when it governs less. The prospect of a hung parliament does have a silver lining, in that very little will change.

          • MoofBongo

            But change is exactly what’s needed.

          • IanCad

            Not the sort of change I want. Brexit Now! David Davis for PM. Halve the Education Budget. Raise the voting age to twenty five, or five years after completing full-time education. Lower the school leaving age to fourteen. Abolish the HS&E. Bring back Section 28. Adopt the IBC.
            Time for lunch.

          • bluedog

            ‘Halve the Education Budget.’ Seriously?

            There are endless studies that describe the correlation between education and rising levels of GDP.

          • IanCad

            Never in the fields of human endeavour has it cost so much to teach so little to so many.
            Absolutely BD; I’m dead nuts serious.

          • Inspector General

            Rather!

          • Chefofsinners

            You want time for lunch?

          • IanCad

            That is exactly what I’ve been doing. Building a very posh chicken coop. Re-sized French slates (5″ x 10″) 8/12 hipped roof with a louvred cupola, also with slates. Scalloped lead drips, lead hips, water table, vertical cedar siding, a turned finial….
            Those birds had better lay or their next trip will be to Colonel Sanders.
            Spent over thirty hours on it so far. Why, why, why??
            Darn! It’s hot today.

          • Chefofsinners

            I’m sure the rats will be delighted.
            What breed of chickens?

          • IanCad

            Up in the air! Tentatively two Light Sussex, two Rhode Island Reds, and two Buff Orpingtons. Never thought of the rats. Maybe we’d better make our inside cats outside cats.

          • Linus

            The Tories kill babies for monetary gain. Of course they don’t, but that’s going to be the basic premise around which the next election campaign is fought.

            Baby killers don’t win elections. Nice avuncular freebies-for-all Labour leaders do. You do the maths.

        • Anton

          Do you?

          • Linus

            I’ve already stated my opinion of Corbyn elsewhere.

            I think it’s likely he’ll soon be your prime minister though.

          • Anton

            I think it’s unlikely, but possible.

      • len

        Linus always goes that step to far.

        • IanCad

          Give him time – give him time. We must be gentle and polite and kind to him. Encourage him when desverving – chastise him when necessary – for his own good, mind.

  • Hi

    It’s occurred to me that whatever May did she would be criticised. Basically after failing to win the election, May has no authority anywhere and definitely not with the media, left or right, which is why she is in the phrase “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” .

    If she’d have done the empathetic public hugging and emotional response that’s being demanded , people would doubtless have twisted this and cried “cynical photo opportunity by evil Tories to look good on the back of a tragedy”.

    • Linus

      She’s a dead woman walking, and corpses wandering about are scary no matter what they do.

      If a zombie staggers up to you making sympathetic noises, you don’t vote for it and encourage it to carry on governing the country. You turn tail and run. If you were an American, you’d take it out with a head shot, but thankfully that method of settling political crises is not de rigueur in the UK. Still, when dead meat stinks out the corridors of power, it has to be dealt with. And if the rumours are true, the fumigators are moving in next week…

      • MoofBongo

        What rumours are those? One does enjoy a bit of goss.

        • bluedog

          While the Grauniad is free it doesn’t provide insights on the conservative side of politics. That being the case you are likely to continue asking ‘What’s going on?’ rather than sounding informed. As your post above proves.

          • MoofBongo

            Well, one can’t know everything, can one?

          • bluedog

            An admission of failure, and there is no room for that.

        • Linus

          Conservative backbenchers can force a leadership contest if 48 letters demanding one are received by the chairman of the 1922 committee.

          As the vultures circle around Maybot’s supine form, one of my English cousins who’s familiar with my slightly morbid interest in British politics has just texted me to say that her husband (who works in a big Gothic-style building by the Thames) is locked in his study scribbling away furiously.

          Read into that what you will.

          • Chefofsinners

            He is busy writing the Queen’s speech. She will be abdicating. (In favour of Theresa May.)

          • Hi

            Where did he get the sheep skin from?

          • Chefofsinners

            Goatskin. From his wife, the nation’s scapegoat.

          • Hi

            Doesn’t your religion have a story about separating sheep’s and goat’s skins with wine or something ?

          • Chefofsinners

            No.

          • Linus

            “My husband and I are so very pleased to be getting rid of that awful Maybot woman.

            “Some of the children are a little worried about Mr Corbyn, but we’ll sling the Garter at him like we do at every Labour leader. It shut them up, so it should work on him too. Long enough to let us die with dignity at least.

            Après nous, le déluge …”

            That queen’s speech, do you mean?

          • Chefofsinners

            As you wrote it, I suppose it is a queen’s speech of sorts. But you and your husband will have to wait a few years yet before you can enter into the joys of Prime Minister Boris.

          • Linus

            I agree, Boris as PM would be an endless source of amusement and opportunities for parody. But I don’t think we’ll see it any time soon.

            In saying that he might topple the Maybot and hang on until he’s wiped out in the election he’s forced to call. But I rather think Gove will get him before that happens. They have history and he’s had a few months to sharpen his knives, old Gollum. As political assassins go, he’s pretty efficient, even if he does have a sad habit of taking himself out with his prey.

          • Chefofsinners

            Indeed. It is the lack of alternatives which is currently allowing May to survive.
            The same reason that Macaroni got elected in France.

          • Redrose82

            iDavid Davis would be a popular choice with Conservative grassroot members even if they did reject him in favour of David Cameron when last there was a contest.

          • Linus

            Macron has a sizeable absolute majority. May does not. Their situations are hardly the same, although I do note they both have preternaturally long noses, so they do have something in common.

          • Chefofsinners

            If you calculate the percentage of the electorate who voted for each, I think you might find that May has the larger mandate.
            Be that as it may, the point is that both are beneficiaries of a lack of alternatives.

          • Linus

            No more Queenie?!?

            That’s a dangerous move. She’s the only thing holding your fractured society together at the moment.

          • Anton

            Like the Euro is the only thing holding the EU together at the moment.

          • Chefofsinners

            Yes. We need a war to reunite us. I don’t suppose you Frenchies could get yourselves up shit creek again, so we have to come and rescue you?

      • Hi

        I agree that Mrs May is finished and it is a matter of when and not if she goes. In respect of your last points , I would say that the Conservative party-
        which generally prefers power and pragmatism to arguments over correct ideological orthodoxy – is prepared to dispatch leaders in bloodless palace coups .

        As a party Conservatives are utterly ruthless when it comes to deposing unpopular or failed leaders e.g. Macmillan , Heath, Thatcher ,Duncan Smith. The “magic circle” and “the men in white coats ” will tell her when to go and if she doesn’t then she will be deposed . I feel that recent events will accelerate matters, even the mail is calling her “maybot”. You know a Tory is finished when even the mail turns.

        • John C

          May is no Tory.

          • Hi

            That adds to my post !

            it’s rather strange isn’t it, that she is the current Conservative leader and Conservatives are nicknamed Tories ….

        • Linus

          Yes, she’s dead meat. But who will replace her?

          Boris? Gove? With what kind of mandate?

          New elections are inevitable. Elections that Corbyn stands a good chance of winning.

          The Tories are now firmly re-established in the public mind as the nasty party. All of Cameron’s hard work in repositioning them as caring and socially responsible has been blown to smithereens.

          Tories let nothing stand in the way of their fat bonuses. Not even babies’ lives. I don’t say that’s true, but it’s the public perception that will decide the outcome of the next election.

      • Paul Greenwood

        Americans have an elected Caesar

      • Chefofsinners

        The rumours are not true.

    • John C

      Err, May won the election.
      Next!

      • Hi

        No she didn’t and neither did Labour. That’s why it’s called a hung Parliament. If May had won she wouldn’t be negotiating with the DUP.

        • Paul Greenwood

          She can negotiate with whom she chooses – the British Constitution does not recognise Parties only Members of Parliament

          • Hi

            The point being argued is which party won and in this case no one did. Oh and “the British Constitution does not recognise Parties only Members of Parliament” is true circa 1900. Today the picture is more mixed , e.g. my ballot had the candidate and the party . Parliament dishes our short money to opposition parties, not individual MPs.

          • Paul Greenwood

            That is frankly not part of the Constitution…..it was a sleight of hand the parties pulled over the docile and dumb electorate. Short Money was not available when Harold Wilson was Opposition Leader after 1970 and he had to sell his memoirs to fund his Leader’s Office

          • Hi

            The British constitution isn’t codified in one document and therefore is quite fluid in interpretation and implementation , it is also constantly changing -whether this is good or bad is irreverent – and didn’t stop in 1970.

        • John C

          Err, she won the most seats and is the only one who can form a government. That’s called ‘winning’.
          Next!

          • Hi

            There’s a difference between winning an election and having the support to form a government.

            I’m probably more competitive or have a higher bar as to me winning the election wasn’t just winning the most seats, but winning an overall majority. To my eyes and ears and the data in front of me, no one fulfilled that criteria this time round.

            I don’t disagree with you on the constitutional precept that the prime minister is appointed by the monarch and is the person who can command a majority in the house of commons and at present that would be the leader of the Conservative party, Mrs May.

    • She did win though.

  • MoofBongo

    An *automatic* sub machine gun? Is there another kind?

    Ps you forgot to categorise this post. Tut tut!

    • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

      quibbler…

    • Chefofsinners

      Tut-tut is correctly punctuated with a hyphen, as in this sentence.

      • MoofBongo

        Who cares?

        • Chefofsinners

          Mrs Proudie’s thoughts exactly, I imagine.

    • Manfarang

      A semi-automatic weapon- the UZI submachine gun.

      • MoofBongo

        A machine gun is fully automatic by definition. If it is semi automatic, it isn’t a machine gun. An Uzi submachine gun would be fully automatic. It can fire in semi automatic mode, however. None of which really matters!

  • Dreadnaught

    Isn’t it time the Government put party politics aside and called for and all party body to go forward with the Brexit negotiations: and to speak to the whole nation regarding how to heal the divisions created by small state nationalism and the undoubted real-time consequences of economic disparity in and around the nations capital?

    • bluedog

      ‘…and the undoubted real-time consequences of economic disparity in and around the nations capital?’

      One of the inevitable outcomes of a meritocracy, particularly when so many recent migrants are third-worlders with low levels of education and ability.

      • Dreadnaught

        Sorry I pressed send before i had finished.

      • Dreadnaught

        It doesn’t matter how wealthy a person is – all poo smells the same and someone has to keep the drains functioning. The basic services to humanity have an equal meritous value that is not appreciated until the lavatory starts to run in reverse: the fixers need accommodation as much as the wealthy financiers.

        • bluedog

          Don’t disagree with you. But what you outline is not the problem. The decision to accept migrants and refugees from war-torn, non-English speaking countries guarantees a racially and/or culturally determined underclass. Adults who arrive in the UK unable to speak and write English, and with very low levels of numeracy due to the collapse of the state education system in their country of origin, are going to struggle to become self-reliant.

          • Dreadnaught

            We as a Country, have permitted this state of affairs to develop. The immigrants are not to blame for wanting a better life. We have to suck it up and put it right,

          • bluedog

            Well, putting it right can take many forms. One of which is to stop it happening.

          • Dreadnaught

            I totally agree, but the time for finger-pointing is passed. If the Conservative Party is to continue, it has to take the wind out of Corbyn’s sails by showing a genuine desire to preserve the integrity of the nation as a whole and adopt the equivalent of Roosevelt’s New Deal initiative.

          • bluedog

            I think the UK is actually fragmenting into two very distinct and discrete groups, the old white British and the rest. HM Queen seems to recognise the trend and her vigorous response to Grenfell reflects her concern about the implications of this rupture.

          • John C

            The immigrants are not to blame – LOL. Very funny, Lilly Allen.

          • Dreadnaught

            Cant fool me – I know what the ‘C’ in your moniker stands for.

          • John C

            Another creepy thick troll blocked, then.

          • Dreadnaught

            Yes you.

          • Anton

            They’re not to blame for wanting a better life. They’re not to blame for the Grenfell tower fire. A considerable subset of them are to blame for continuing terrorism though.

    • Navarth

      Yes, May had to say this on the Friday after her election but instead made the catastrophic mistake of putting party politics first and jumping straight into bed with the DUP.

      • Dreadnaught

        Agreed. No reason not to have a rep from all parties engaged on this project.

      • John C

        What utter drivel.
        You don’t really understand how the British parliamentary system works, do you?

      • Paul Greenwood

        Like Churchill did with Labour in 1940 or Llloyd George did in 1916 or Labour did in 1974 or 1978…….Do you understand that Parliament is an Electoral College ?

    • Linus

      Brexit?

      What Brexit?

      Oh, you mean that thing the British have forgotten all about now that PM hunting season has opened?

      • Paul Greenwood

        Perhaps the position paper Barnier is hoping for. I feel great sympathy for Barnier faced with a counterpart going into neurological crisis

        • Anton

          Yes, all his carefully planned positions are no longer relevant. Such a shame!

    • Inspector General

      How about we keep the Old Britain instead. You know, the same one the third worlders wanted to come to.

      • John C

        How many times:
        Will you stop talking sense???

        • Inspector General

          Superb retorts along this thread from you sir! You’re not me, by any chance?

          • John C

            Thank you, most kind (both parts!).

          • Inspector General

            For all we know, we might be a scaled down version of the Trinity. Of sorts.

          • John C

            Well, that’s the schedule for my philosophical musings for today all mapped out …

      • Paul Greenwood

        It is true that Islam would have fewer issues with a Christian England on traditional lines. It is true also that most people have a romanticised view of Britain from afar and suffer a sense of rejection when seeing how far it has deviated from its history

      • Dreadnaught

        As much as you do not like to accept it, Colonial Britain hit the buffers in 1945. We have to take the initiative and rebuild while the values of the older generation that we are rightly proud of while they still linger in the collective memory.

        • Inspector General

          What you are about is called social engineering. A key pillar of Marxism…

          • Dreadnaught

            Nonsense.

          • Manfarang

            The part of the UK with the fewest number of immigrants is the Northern Ireland. I don’t know if you would want to live there. It might be 50 years behind the times.

      • Manfarang

        Take me back to dear Old Blighty.

    • Chefofsinners

      The problem with this suggestion is that other parties will not lay down their self-interest. All those with whom you suggest collaborating were against Brexit and remain so. Once inside the negotiation process they will use their position to water down and discredit the deal as much as possible, then demand a second referendum to approve it.

      • Dreadnaught

        It’s an opportunity for the Conservatives to take the higher moral ground in more ways than one. The majority were against leaving the EU, same as Labour but they are going ahead with it too. May wouldn’t bring Farage on board and that was when all possibility of a pure Brexit went down the pan.
        We now have to play the cards we hold.

        • Chefofsinners

          It’s all very well taking the moral high ground, so long as the low life don’t sniff an opportunity to hack at your ankles.

          • Dreadnaught

            Blimey Chief they have already have, they’ve dragged Mrs May down like hyenas on a wounded antelope.

          • Chefofsinners

            So why engage with them further?

        • bluedog

          ‘May wouldn’t bring Farage on board and that was when all possibility of a pure Brexit went down the pan.’

          Wrong. The UK is a parliamentary democracy with Cabinet government. Farage is not and never has been (never will be?) an MP. It would have been quite improper for Mrs May to have taken Farage into her Cabinet or granted him plenipotentiary powers to negotiate with the EU. In fact, given the nature of Farage’s serial insults to his fellow MEPs, one can hardly think of a less effective negotiator to represent the interests of the UK with the EU. His self-appointment to the office of British ambassador in Washington wouldn’t have helped Farage’s case either.

          • Anton

            But wouldn’t it be great to appoint him as one of the advisors to the negotiating team?

          • Chefofsinners

            In the interests of broadening the team, and being inclusive, because the Labour Party are demanding it. How thoughtful of them.

          • bluedog

            No.

          • Anton

            O, Yes it would…

          • bluedog

            We’ll have to enjoy a good disagreement. Imagine Farage after an all-night negotiating session. He may be then be found at the pub/bar, sinking pints/litres of lager and being completely indiscreet.

          • Dreadnaught

            I know that. He could easily have been given a seat in the Lords and co-opted to serve that way.

          • Anton

            I think he’d turn a peerage down; not his style.

          • Dreadnaught

            I’m merely making the point that Bluedog as overlooked.

          • bluedog

            But if Farage became a life peer he would have to declare his allegiance. Would he sit with the Opposition? The cross benches? The Conservatives? Ukip? At the end of the day, Farage is good at attacking, not negotiating. It’s a judgement, but he could prove to be a highly disruptive and egotistical influence.

          • He has in depth knowledge of the EU workings and knows the ruling gang. He grasps things quickly and has the intelligence to realise when and when not to be disruptive. I most definitely think he would be an asset to negotiations. And he has a genuine love for Britain. He’s an activist people person type with vision. I still think he’d make a good team with Boris and Gove.

    • MoofBongo

      Well said. Can’t be done with our system. We’re fucked.

      • Linus

        Language!

        I don’t mind, of course. But there are dowagers here who’ll be fainting into their copies of The Lady right about now. And that’s just the men.

        Careful or they’ll set Ann Widdecombe on you. Then you’ll be sorry.

  • John C

    Isn’t it time the Bishop of London stopped spouting unhinged far left propaganda?

    • bluedog

      Is he doing something out of the ordinary?

      • John C

        Yes. Far left agitators should not be misrepresenting themselves as CoE bishops.

        • bluedog

          Put it down to peer pressure.

        • Paul Greenwood

          I do not know the purpose of Bishops

    • Linus

      Tell him to stop.

      Then vomit your outrage all over this site when he fails to listen.

      You’ll get tired before he does. You should be conserving your energy at your age. Bulimia’s a young person’s game.

      • John C

        Pathetic bigot and creep.
        Blocked.

        • Linus

          Another notch on my bedpost.

          Wasn’t a memorable roll in the hay. All that saggy old flesh – I quite literally didn’t know where to put myself. But whatever I did, it seems to have worked for him.

          Now he’s off groveling at his god’s feet in repentance. He won’t talk to me any more. But I know his kind. He’s gagging for it. He’ll be back for more.

          • “I quite literally didn’t know where to put myself.”

            Try the nearest electricity socket. You’ll certainly fit and it’ll give you a buzz.

          • John C

            Why do you hate electric sockets? 🙂

          • Linus

            Poor Jack!

            While I don’t doubt that you could quite easily slip yourself into an electrical socket without even touching the sides, I would be quite unable to. Can’t thread an aubergine through the eye of a needle.

            Just make sure you choose phase, not neutral or earth.

          • Give it regular treatents with Dimethyl Tetrachloroterephthalate.

          • Linus

            Aubergines come in all shapes and sizes, you know. But I’ve never seen one small enough to insert into an electrical socket.

            Let’s just say that as far as I’m concerned, everything is just as it should be and my aubergine’s outings elicit a gratifying amount of shock and awe without sparking actual panic.

            And thank you, but I wouldn’t dream of depriving you of the drugs that are the only thing keeping your raddled old carcass alive. Being in perfect health, I just don’t need them. So rest assured, the doctors will be able to keep gangrene at bay for another week. You won’t lose that leg, or that arm, or whatever appendage it is that’s turning purple at the moment and threatening to drop off.

          • Jack’s health is fine but if your penis is looking like an aubergine then it’s you that is in need of medical intervention.

          • Linus

            Jack is between life-threatening medical crises at the moment?

            Good for him. But how long will it last?

            In any case, as I said, I am in perfect health and in no need of medical intervention. Everything is in perfect working order and regularly exercised. Jack might faint from jealousy and feelings of inadequacy if he saw me in a dressing room, but that would be his problem. Not mine.

          • Hmm … what was that the Inspector was saying about narcissism?

          • John C

            Is he also the shape of one? Oh, dear. No cure for that.

          • Once the rot sets in …

          • Chefofsinners

            I imagine your bedpost looks like you’ve got termites.
            Another morning where you awake feeling grubby and haul your sad arse down to the clap clinic, another anxious wait…

          • bluedog

            For all his pretensions, one suspects Linus buys his furniture from Ikea rather than Mallett & Sons. How else to explain his proposed vandalism of his possession?

          • Linus

            Buy furniture?

            One doesn’t buy furniture. It comes with one’s house(s) and has been there for hundreds of years.

            I did go to Ikea once, with a niece who wanted a new sofa. She inexplicably turned down my offer of a nice Riesener canapé and a pair of bergères because they wouldn’t be comfortable, or so she said. She wanted something to loll about in. Like a labrador in its basket.

            After pulling up front of a bright blue bunker and trudging through interminable corridors lined with stage sets made to look like living rooms and kitchens – each more hideous and plastic than the last – we finally arrived at the sofas and my niece pointed to a nylon and foam monstrosity and said “I want that one!”

            I duly obliged. It was her birthday gift, even though, as I had already pointed out to her, if she had taken the Riesener, she could have sold it for 50 times what the sofa cost and then been able to refurnish her entire apartment from Roche Bobois or Starck rather than from a nasty Swedish glue and sawdust merchant. But nooo … Mademoiselle wanted to blend in with her penurious classmates. She didn’t want posh furniture. She wanted Nordic tat, just like everyone else.

            So yes, I’m familiar with Ikea. I’m also familiar with the creeping paralysis it provokes in a young person’s of self-worth and identity. Even young ladies of good family, who should know better, get caught in its tentacular web and start to find its raw plastic and cheap finishes highly attractive. It’s clearly something they put in the water. What other explanation can there be?

          • Linus

            Why am I not surprised that a deluded Christian thinks it’s possible to catch the clap by exchanging messages on an Internet blog?

            And how very Christian and loving of you to besmirch the reputation of the unfortunate John C by implying that any contact with him, even electronically over hundreds of kilometres, results in the transmission of venereal disease. A real Christian slap in the face. Why not just call him a poxy whore to his face?

            Who won’t you sacrifice in order to score a point against those you hate, eh? With friends like you, your fellow Christians hardly need enemies.

        • He’s our resident troll – anti-Christian, homosexual angst and French. Poor soul. We try to tolerate him.

          • John C

            My tolerance threshold for utter scum dropped considerably over the past year.

          • MoofBongo

            Have you considered suicide?

          • IanCad

            He has a unique way with words as well. Patience…patience.

          • So did Hitler.

          • Chefofsinners

            Indeed. He can’t spell them, punctuate them or string them together coherently in anything other than a torrent of abuse.

          • Inspector General

            …and narcissist extraordinaire. Don’t forget that, Jack.

          • Indeed. He’s got trouble in his nether regions at the moment.

          • Bernard from Bucks

            What? Not homoroids? Poor chap.

        • David

          Don’t worry about the troll. He hates Christians and the UK and seems to have nothing better to do than trot out rubbish like this, poor soul.

          • John C

            Thanks. I don’t. I simply blocked the revolting creep.

    • Anton

      He shouldn’t have started.

  • IrishNeanderthal

    I am not quite sure that *re*generate is the right word.

    At the close of the Trooping of the Colour yesterday, I noticed the top hat the Duke of Edinburgh was wearing. No disrespect to HRH intended, but I imagined the garment extended downwards and then flared somewhat to resemble a certain candidate for Maindenhead in the recent election.

  • bluedog

    And so the tit-for-tat begins. Was he acting alone? Did he have a history of mental illness and had he recently suffered a relationship breakdown? Had he attended an Alpha course or followed the teaching of a radical CoE cleric? He has already been declared ‘white’ and an Islamophobe. Nothing more need be said, and one expects that the Prevent programme will now be redrafted on the advice of the Muslim Council of Britain.