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Ill-advised remarks about head-coverings and female genital mutilation will get you dismissed from the Scout Movement

February 17, 2018
Mrs Proudie
0 Comments

Goodness! The election of Mustafa Fatwah as Mayor of Barchester has surprised us all! We simply had no idea there was so much support for the Socialist-Hardcore-International-Terrorist Party (SHITs) – or indeed how many Barchester citizens bear the same surname…

‘What to do with those two dastardly head-choppers who left our shores to join ISIS?’

February 10, 2018
0 Comments

Leaves from my Journal in the Highlands Saturday 3rd February Our little train pulled into the station at Inverbladderleekie on time, where we were met by Lord Dunfondling’s gillie, Hamish…

Church of England reopens investigation into long-dead Bishop Chimes of Littlehampton, who allegedly caught sight of Mistress X’s ankle while she was strangling a chicken in 1515

February 3, 2018
296 Comments

Goodness! I was horrified to read that some radicalised whippersnappers at Stakhanovite University, Liverpuddle, wanted to celebrate the anniversary of the execution of Charles I by announcing, ‘Comrades, we can…

“Rejoice! Rejoice! Young Rees-Mogg has donned the underpants of rebellion and the bowler hat of Bulldoggedness!”

January 27, 2018
180 Comments

Goodness! It’s that time again when I surround myself with paper, ink and sealing wax to capture my thoughts on the week that was. To be honest, my head is…

We wouldn’t need a Minister for Loneliness if successive governments hadn’t destroyed the traditional family

January 20, 2018
513 Comments

It will soon be time for the Barchester Biennale Arts Festival, not quite as prestigious as the one in Venice but you don’t get your feet wet crossing the street.…

Has Nigel Farage been ‘nobbled’ by some secret Eunatic hit-squad with negatives of him shifting Château d’Yquem by the bucket load with Jacques Delors at a topless bar in Clochemerle?

January 13, 2018
179 Comments

Goodness! It’s all very well re-shuffling the pack, but when most of the cards are Jokers, the results remain the same. Mrs. Dismay handled her musical chair interlude with the…

“I am coming round to the idea of a modern-day Great Schism, with those of a pure and Anglican mind setting up a sort of Avignon Archiepiscopate”

January 6, 2018
183 Comments

Goodness! Well here we are in a brand new year – who knows what things will pop up to entertain, delight and outrage? With the semi-lunatic brigade installed in the…

Stooge – A Brexmas Carol

December 30, 2017
254 Comments

Something a little different for you this festive season, dear hearts! My dear friend Mr. Dickens sent this first draft of a story he is about to publish. I know…

Cathedral invites local mosque to sing Christmas carols round the crib

December 16, 2017
44 Comments

Welcome, dear hearts, to my pre-Christmas newsletter! The Market Square is bedecked with boughs of holly, the old gentlemen at Hiram’s Hospital are rubbing their knees together to keep warm,…

A school for Muslim girls that forbids them the use of toilet paper ‘for cultural reasons’?

December 9, 2017
264 Comments

Goodness! I have had a very busy few days, dear friends, going from door to door with my collection tin, asking the good people of Barchester to give generously for…

General Synod? “Henceforth I shall refer to this gathering of Libertudinarians as ‘Sin-odd’”

December 2, 2017
156 Comments

Goodness! One of the latest fads sweeping Barset, if not the country as a whole, is Spiritualism. I believe Sir Arthur Conan Doyle is a devotee, and in our own…

Church of Sweden: God is not ‘Lord’ or ‘He’, but It is Father and Mother, Brother and Sister

November 25, 2017
368 Comments

Goodness! I’m sure you are all waiting to hear the latest gossip doing the rounds in the salons and dinner parties of Barchester. Much was discussed at the banquet at…

‘Scottish National Socialism has more of Calvinism about it than it would care to admit’

November 18, 2017
110 Comments

Goodness! Dr. Livingstone’s latest dispatch from the Heart of Darkness, published in The Jupiter, is most encouraging. There has been a coup in Debra Dowa, with His Excellency the Supreme…

The Rev’d Dr Jasper Wright-Onn preaches his inaugural sermon at St Platitude-upon-Twaddle

November 11, 2017
92 Comments

Goodness! One is subjected to so much nonsense these days, don’t you agree dear friends? Crank up the electrical magic lantern on any given night and the anti-Christian bile pours…

Low-Churchophobia Week to combat militant High-Churchers

November 4, 2017
148 Comments

Good heavens! Eyebrows were most definitely raised this week as The Jupiter reported on the murky doings of Westmonster. It seems no young person’s seat is safe from the wandering…

The archaic notion that universities are bastions of liberty and free speech

October 28, 2017
80 Comments

Lawks a-mercy! The townsfolk of Barchester were somewhat startled the other day when a gaudily-dressed charivari trundled through Bishop Fondling’s Postern (13th century) into the Market Square. The vivid rainbow…

Crime up 13%? Police are too busy tracking down hate-criminals who plot against Common Purpose, diversity and equality

October 21, 2017
143 Comments

Good heavens! A headmaster at an Anglican school has banned a Christian group from taking assemblies, simply because a small band of lemon-sucking Guardianistas decided to raise their scrawny necks…

Militant Calvinists at Snowflake College, Oxenbridge, demand closure of Science Faculty for being “harmful, intimidating and predatory to Christian students”

October 14, 2017
248 Comments

Goodness! When is a Conservative not a Conservative? Why, when she is a neo-Marxist deep-state Stalinist surveillance-addict out of her depth in a puddle now occupying the Home Office, of…

“Satan’s fist and the Big State are but one and the same”

October 7, 2017
208 Comments

Hwæt! There you are, something different to open proceedings – not at all ‘another week, same stuff’, as some might opine. As you may suppose, I have been brushing upon…

Wrestling with Scripture? Is it time to transgender our macho theology?

October 2, 2017
224 Comments

The Rt Rev'd Paul Bayes, Bishop of Liverpool, posed the question of whether the phrases we use to describe biblical exposition are "too macho". The Rt Rev'd Pete Wilcox, Bishop…