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Black comedy: Lenny Henry might top the vacant plinth in Trafalgar Square

Goodness! How thrilling it must have been to have witnessed the cut-and-thrust of debate in the Lords on Tuesday, when zimmer-frame-wielding peers knocked the living daylights out of Mrs. Dismay for the second time. Well, they say some women like to return to their abuser, though you wouldn’t catch me doing it. Lord Mountararat gave an impassionate speech against the government from the other side by means of a medium, his death 40 years ago being no impediment to a political career. Lord Tolloller attacked the whole idea of Brexit as being a burdensome restraint on the free movement of Finnish au pairs, a subject close to his heart. Lord Fondlebum of Boy however spoke in favour of restraints, but was asked by the Lord Speaker to keep his hobbies to himself, at which point Mr. Vaz slipped away from his position in the Visitors’ Gallery looking suitably embarrassed. Earl de Courcy and the Duke of Omnium, I am pleased to say, stood up in support of the Prime Minister and warned of the dangers of tying her hands in forthcoming negotiations, which seemed to rekindle Lord Fondlebum’s interest after his slap-down. Lord Gormenghast wanted to know if Britain could lay claim to its share of the European Wine Lake as part of the deal, and the Duke of Denver thought the whole thing whimsical, as indeed he might. So the ball is now in the Prime Minister’s court. Will she press on and overrule Their Lordships, or call a snap election and put Lords reform at the top of her manifesto? One thing is for certain – the CIA will know well before we do.

On the subject of spies, I understand President Trumpton believes he was eavesdropped by dastardly devils connected to the O’Barmey White House, and that new evidence seems to confirm his deepest fears. Knowing very little about the sinister world of under-the-covers, I decided to do some research of my own. To this end, I invited the Abbess of Crewe to afternoon tea (if you want to know about subterfuge and nefarious practices it is always best to cross the Tiber for an hour or so… well, not so much crossing it as dipping one’s toe, so to speak). I could tell our butler did not approve as he announced her arrival.

“Worry not, I’m just having an ecumenical, Spasm,” I said reassuringly. He rolled his eyes heavenward and retreated to his pantry.

“One must be ever watchful and vigilant,” said the Abbess, eyeing up the plate of hobnobs on the what-not, despite it being Lent. “I have made it my business to know everything that goes on in our abbey. Why, there is not one sister who breaks wind without me knowing.”

“How intriguing,” said I, “Pray, do tell.” I offered her a biscuit – it is amazing how people are so willing to be pumped having once got their oats.

It turns out almost anything and everything can be ‘bugged’, be it pot, kettle, chandelier, whalebone corset or chamber pot – something to do with chips (and there are plenty of those in the latter. We really must buy a new one!).

“Information is power, you see, and there is a great gathering of the stuff taking place right now. You need to get with the programme, dear Mrs. Proudie. A little wire-tapping could help thwart your local opposition in the glorious battle for souls.”

I promised to give it some thought. It would also help to keep tabs on Signora Vesey Neroni.

As soon as the Abbess departed I had Spasm sponge down the cushions and antimacassar on her chair. She had a filthy habit.

I never imagined the Archdeacon was a great connoisseur of art, but it appears he is. I came across him studying the Romney portrait of Bishop Blatheryng of Barchester (d. 1775) in the Great Hall of the Palace and muttering under his breath.

“Have you heard what they are doing in Parliament, Mrs. Proudie? Some neo-Marxist philistine-ophile committee of colour-by-numbers Eminologists has decided to clear out all the portraits of our greatest politicians in favour of ‘a more diverse and representative’ collection. Out goes Walpole, Pitt and Wellington, and in comes Diane Abbott (watercolour on paper), Keith Vaz (oil slick on canvas) and the execrable Bercow (elephant dung on cardboard: mixed media). A triumphant portrait of Mr. Blair, mounted on a white charger waving the sword of the Third Way whilst peace descends on the Middle East in the shape of a drone, will be placed in the main lobby, and a conversation piece by Maggi Hambling entitled ‘The Kinnocks counting their stash’ will go to the Lords. This act of sheer vandalism is to encourage ethnicals and women to feel more at home in the corridors of power and to encourage more of the same to consider political careers. What utter rot!”

“Oh dear,” I replied. I’m rather partial to certain pieces of Dante Gabriel Rossetti myself, but decided to keep quiet.

“It’s all part of their dastardly plan, of course – to wipe the slate clean, disown our history and replace it with multi-kulti-drossage. Why, I wouldn’t be surprised if the vacant plinth in Trafalgar Square was topped by a statue of Lenny Henry by the end of the year as a tribute to black comedy!”

“I thought you maintained Westminster was all about black comedy, Archdeacon?”

“Quite!” he replied.

With that he proceeded up the grand staircase for his appointment with the Bishop. Usually I am there to give moral support to my lord, but on this occasion I had other business. My presence was required at the International Women’s Day celebration at the parish church of St. Germaine-of-the-foolish-Virgins to receive an award as ‘the most outstanding prelate’s wife of the year’. One is touched, of course, but not all that often.

Well, my dears, I leave you, as ever, pondering the fate of our poor nation and the falling apart of our national fabric. So, as the Cutty Sark of time drifts into the doldrums of illusion, and the branding iron of experience sears the sagging haunches of hope, I bit you adieu.

  • michaelkx

    As your letter did not appear at your usual time, I was down cast and bereft of enlightenment as to the goings on in this world. Were right is wrong, and wrong is right. But the light of enjoyment has risen, thank you dear Lady.

    • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

      Ah dear Michael, be not down cast or bereft, it all comes to he who waits. But thank you for your kind words.

  • Politically__Incorrect

    Good Morning Mrs Proudie. I’m glad your letter has finally arrived. More strikes at the post office I presume. Yes the fiasco in the House of Frauds was a particularly treasonous affair, At least that dastardly Lord HellSentEurophile got sacked from his government position. Now the Tory Party should expel him too. Are they really putting up a portrait of Diane Abbott? Are they sure there is enough space on the wall?

    • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

      Good afternoon dear P-I…yes, the face of Diana Abbott will stare down at future Parliamentarians scaring the life out of them…hers is the face I think about when reading 1984…

    • It must be coz she’s black innit! I’d hardly call her an inspirational, racist yes, but an inspiration really?

      • Politically__Incorrect

        She might inspire some people to go on a diet, but not much else

  • David

    Ahh your normally earlier, and therefore much missed letter has, thank heavens, now arrived, and just in time for a speedy read before I leave for the late Morning Service. It’s another splendid account of the week’s antics, and much appreciated as ever, dear Lady. I must be off…..

    • Carlotta

      Same here. A few laugh out loud moments. Now off to worship at a local Forward in Faith church I have just discovered – thanks to postings here.

      • David

        I am glad that you have a traditional High Church available near you. They are about but you have to search them out. I am extremely fortunate to have a solid Biblical evangelical church near me, where I feel very much amongst friends. Since I’ve thrown in my lot with them I am so much happier.

      • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

        Only a few? I must try harder…

        • 1649again

          If you try too hard to be funny Mrs Proudi you will end up like Comic Relief ‘comedians’ – tedious, forced and nasty, and totally lacking in humour.

          • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

            Yes I think you are right…the truth is I don’t try hard at all, when I start to write it just flows, and I naturally tend to see the funny side of things..

          • You’re a treasure Mrs Proudie. Thank you for sharing your gift.

          • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

            Bless you dear Marie

          • Terry Mushroom

            You always seem to have it within you to turn a compulsory task into a privilege and a joy.

          • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

            Now I am blushing. Many thanks…

    • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

      Yes dear David, I was shunted (willingly I might add) so that his Grace could post about the Bishop North affair. Thank you for your kind words…

  • 1649again

    Wonderful Mrs Proudie, absolutely wonderful. We are fortunate to benefit from your talents.

    • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

      The cooking sherry helps…but thank you!

  • bluedog

    One trusts that the statue of Lenny Henry will depict him mounted, Mrs P.

    • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

      Thinking of Dawn French perhaps?

      • bluedog

        With suitable reinforcement where it matters, why not.

  • 1649again

    Very interesting groundswell of European governments banning pro-Erdogan rallies in their countries suddenly, and blocking Turkish Minsters from entry, full on riots in Rotterdam last night by Turks shouting Alllahu Ackbar, very little UK media coverage of course, a Turkish pro-government newspaper has helpfully pointed out that there are 480k Turks in Holland and only 48k Dutch soldiers, and now Erdogan’s threatened Denmark with war if they won’t admit his Foreign Minister. Something’s up. Dutch Parliament just banned the Burqa etc in public spaces too. Seems to be picking up speed very quickly.

    Meanwhile Erdogan’s adventure in Syria is not going well and now the Kurds in Syria are teaming up with Syria/Russia against him, and the Yanks are walking away. Oh dear, how sad… Never mind.

    • Royinsouthwest

      The media won’t complain about Turkish interference in Europe because they have not yet finished complaining that Trump’s victory in the United States was due to Russian interference.

      • 1649again

        Not here but it seems they are noticing in Holland and some other countries with large Turkish colonies.

        And meanwhile our electorate has been so wise as to elect an ardent Pakistani Muslim of some colour associates as Mayor of our Greatest city and when the Pakistani government tart making demands?

        • David

          Then we dump him – pronto !

        • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

          I have a disturbing feeling that the balloon is going up…

          • Inspector General

            You are quite right, madam. The Inspector suggests that a future Europe will need to be much of a police state unless the children of Allah are not only prevented from coming here, but repatriated where they already are. However, it’s not all black. Christianity, Islams natural enemy, will go onto greater things. The liberals currently therein having been chased away.

          • Manfarang

            With the B-Specials.

          • IrishNeanderthal

            Here’s an idea for you. It follows on from “Meet the Lords”. Since it is the Liberals in the Lords who are making all the trouble over Brexit, not to mention some I overheard on a bus (identifiable by the leaflets or whatever they were carrying), why don’t we export these Liberals to Africa in exchange for some nice Africans who are not “children of Allah” and who have no illusions about those who profess that religion.

        • Manfarang

          An ardent British Muslim. Pakistan itself is made up of different ethnic groups- Punjabis, Sindhi, etc.

    • David

      My thoughts exactly – somethings up, which we are not being told about.

    • bluedog

      Following the defeat of IS with the help of other powers, there will be no competition in the Middle East for the Turkish leader. Turkey will once again be by far the most powerful Muslim state and a Pax Turkana may be at hand. Now, what title should the ruler of Turkey hold as he surveys his domain from the Sublime Porte?

      • 1649again

        I wouldn’t agree Sir. Erdogan’s alienated much of his military and middle class, at war with the Kurds, fallen out with NATO and Putin, the economy’s struggling, he’s at daggers drawn with various flavours of Jihadi, disliked by the Saudis who see him as a rival for leadership of the Sunni world, Turks aren’t liked by Arabs, he’s got a large silent but hostile Alevi population (up to a third by some estimates), Assad hates him, he’s had big trouble with Israel, and the Iranians are Shia. Not a great hand has he and he’s trying to trump its weaknesses by Muslim Turkic nationalism which really shows his underlying weakness. A spectacular talent for making dangerous enemies and his foreign policy is extremely volatile.

        • bluedog

          ‘fallen out with NATO’. Here’s the rub. The Turks can afford to fall out with NATO but NATO can’t afford to fall out with the Turks. Whoever controls the Bosporus controls all trade entering the Black Sea and if Russia is a hostile power, we need Turkey as an ally. As true during the Crimean War as it is today. Remember too the post WW1 treaties that shackled Turkey and committed the Turks to grant free passage through the Straits. Repudiation of these treaties 100 years after their signing would end a number of certainties in western Asia. The Turks play a very strong hand irrespective of who hates them. A bit like another country one can think of…

          • 1649again

            The Bosphorous as a sea lane is no longer that important to the West, Suez is far more so, and we could easily block the straits if we wanted. The dynamic with Russia is key but Russia backs Assad whom Erdogan wants to depose and we back the Kurds who are fighting Turkey, and Iraq, which is angry at Turkey’s incursions into Iraq. It’s a kaleidoscopic mess, but Erdogan has over-estimated his strategic important, it’s far less than in the days of the Cold War.

          • bluedog

            ‘..but Erdogan has over-estimated his strategic import, it’s far less than in the days of the Cold War.’

            Actually it’s greater. Arguably the entire eastern Mediterranean and western Asia revolve around Turkey. If Turkey were to blockade the Bosporus as the Byzantines did to charge extortionate customs duties on freight passing Constantinople, it would cripple the world wheat trade.

          • Manfarang

            Yes there is the new Silk Road.

          • Inspector General

            Russia is not a hostile power, b-dog. The Reds want you to think that.

          • bluedog

            Meanwhile in Ukraine, Russia continues to arm separatists, and supplied a missile which shot down a passenger jet with mass casualties. In the Baltic the three Baltic states have assumed malign intent by Russia and asked for NATO support to repel a potential assault. The plucky Swedes are reintroducing conscription, ostensibly to counter Russian aggression, although they have allowed an enemy to establish a strong position within.

            Despite all this, your own reaction is to relate the Russian threat to Russian attitudes to homosexuality. Following this logic a little further, we clearly have nothing to fear from Islamic encroachment, do we? I mean, they’ll sort out the poofs, won’t they?

          • 1649again

            The Muslim threat trumps all other considerations for me Sir. Why shouldn’t the largely Russian eastern part of Ukraine join Russia – the border’s entirely artificial, and anyone flying a passenger airline over a war zone where both sides have combat aircraft and SAM’s is reckless in the extreme. It was clearly a case of mistaken identity rather than deliberate policy. Latvia and Sweden will be majority muslim within a generation on current trends – I’d rather the Russians have them than that.

          • bluedog

            There’s a problem. Russia has a population that is 14% Muslim, the highest in Europe, if one goes so far as to call the Russians European. In addition, Russia has a birth-rate well below replacement and a life expectancy that rivals that of Glasgie. If ever a nation was on the brink of losing its non-Muslim status, it is the Russian Federation. I’ll take bets on both Sweden and Latvia still being white, European and largely Christian on the day the RF succumbs to the Tartar hordes. It was not for nothing they dumped any former Soviet republic ending in ‘stan, but will it be enough?

          • 1649again

            I suspect Vlad the Ruthless won’t permit that to occur.

          • bluedog

            I think a large number of European politicians are going to discover their inner Slobodan Milosevic before much longer, without necessarily meeting the same fate.

          • 1649again

            One hopes so. Karadijk was a poet and visionary before his time.

          • bluedog

            We were on the wrong side in the Balkan Wars of the ’90s. The Serbs are a doughty and heroic people who have more than earned their place in Christendom.

          • 1649again

            Totally agree, always thought that.

          • IanCad

            And the Serbs will always remember the Catholic/Islamist Ustaše.

          • Maalaistollo

            Swedes, ‘plucky’, really? The Finns are always delighted to be told that in English Swede is a kind of turnip.

          • bluedog

            Irony. It’s been all down hill since ABBA broke up and Volvo was sold to China. Don’t mention Saab, either.

          • David

            The Swedes were so “plucky” that in WW2 they fell over themselves in haste to surrender to Hitler’s domination plans, allowing his army to drive unharmed, swiftly over their country to attack their Scandinavian neighbour Norway – oh yes very very plucky and very good neighbours as well !
            I know Sweden and its neighbours quite well. Large swathes of Sweden are now no-go Islamic enclaves where the rule of Swedish law is very tenuous or even non-existent. My friends in both Norway and Denmark are very careful about which areas of Sweden to now travel through.
            Hitching our foreign policy wagon to Sweden would be a very foolish thing to do, and if I had to choose between Russia or Sweden I’d choose Russia.

          • Inspector General

            The Russians are asserting themselves, it is true. They are a giant amongst us. So they will. In fact, they are hoping for a position in the world they never had, among the top. Their previous efforts regarding was as a deadly and feared potential enemy. That had them shut out for 70 years on an ultimately doomed and cripplingly expensive war economy. They are not going down that road again.

            Come on Bluedog. We both lived through part of the cold war. In comparison, this is spring…

          • bluedog

            Geographically, yes, but Russia’s GDP is assessed as being roughly comparable to that of Italy. Because of its importance as an energy supplier to Europe, Russia has the capacity to wield influence and apply pressure, which it does. The collapse of the oil price due to US shale oil production would be financially hammering Russia, just as it is doing to our very good friends in Riyadh. There is also little doubt that Russia has embarked on a programme to use social-media and various cyber techniques to install western leaders who are either compromised or naturally sympathetic to the image Russia projects. Farage fell for this. If Trump has been bankrupt six times there may be a significant panel of western banks who will never deal with him again. It follows that the financing of Trump Corp may well be exotic and Russian. In this event, having Trump as US president is no disadvantage to the Russian banking system. Springtime in Moscow?

          • Inspector General

            Imagine a young toddler. Six foot high and weighing 14 stone. As he goes, he knocks things sideways and crushes others, but he doesn’t mean to. He’s still learning the free West…

            Give ’em a chance after what they went through. Catholics used to be told to pray for their deliverance from evil. It has happened.

          • David

            Russia is no cuddly poodle but she’s not our enemy either. We should be building trading links and uniting to fight the common enemy, as we’ve done before, but thus time the enemy is jihadists not Hitler. As you say, the propaganda against Russia is because they will not surrender their young to the homosexualists, and because Russia’s determined to retain its independence and not be dictated to by the US. Also they kicked out the banksters who pull strings throughout the west.

          • 1649again

            In all the wars that matter we’ve been allied with Russia. Fighting Islam is like fighting the Nazis and Napoleon, we must be on the same side again to prevail.

          • bluedog

            That used to be true.

          • betteroffoutofit

            “Whoever controls the Bosporus controls all trade entering the Black Sea ” … too and from The Med, etc.! That Trojan War must be the longest one in history!

  • len

    Sir Lenny would look magnificent on top of the plinth facing the House of Lords giving the traditonal salute.

  • Inspector General

    Splendid proudie from you, Mrs Flapdoodle

    Making Lenny Henry stand to attention on a plinth has merit, you know. At least it will keep him out of trouble and Dawn French, whom astonishingly (as in hide behind the sofa astonished) resembles a photographic negative of Diane Abbott will know where he is. And not seeing other women.

    • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

      One tries, dear Inspector… but the view from Barchester is very disturbing,,,it seems the world has gone mad.

  • Manfarang

    Doldrums! Where there’s a Willis away.

  • chefofsinners

    I enjoyed a conversation this week with one of the main architects of the government defeat in the Lords. The rationale, apparently, was:
    1) The HoL is doing its constitutional duty.
    2) The referendum was not democratic and should never have happened because people were incapable of understanding what they were voting for.
    3) Brexit can’t happen because it would be a disaster.
    Who could argue with such logic?
    To be fair, I did feel a moment’s sympathy for someone who had spent a lifetime working on the European project, only to see it crumble. Then I remembered who’s paying this person’s enormous pension and £300 a day expenses.

    The art in the Palace of Westminster is pretty traditional. Step across the road to Portcullis House, however, and you’ll see a different side. Modernish paintings / sculptures of current and recent politicians, and a selection of hard-hitting cartoons. Diane is already there. There’s a stunning portrait of Shirley Williams, far too much Blair, but the face on every corner is Margaret Thatcher.

    • David

      Your “main architect of the government defeat” sounds like the type of warm, humble man of the people that I would would take to immediately – oh yes, I’d take him to stand in front of one of my archery targets !
      What arrogant enemies of democracy we have in that House ! It must be abolished now !

      • chefofsinners

        They are genuinely completely out of touch. They fervently believe that they know best and are on a mission to save the common man from himself. They know they are unaccountable and as a result they despise democracy. Do we need a second chamber at all? The HoL could be turned into a retirement home for dementia sufferers… only how would we tell the difference?

        • David

          Totally agree !
          I despise such arrogance.

        • Merchantman

          Don’t mention any of this to Mrs P, she might get concerned for +Barchester.

          • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

            My Lord the Bishop rarely attends, preferring his pastoral role in the diocese…but I might miss those occasional forays to London

      • Holger

        What a good idea!

        Make the bishops homeless and end Christianity’s undemocratic representation in parliament!

        If we can bring down the Church and the Lords in one fell swoop, I shall have nothing left to wish for. Unless the monarchy…

        • The Explorer

          Your contributions have become more desultory of late. Your strategy, it seems, is to post an enlightened statement in the hope that those on the fringes of Christianity may be saved from it, but longstanding enemies such as David, the Inspector, Happy Jack, Carl or me are beyond redemption (A list illustrative of various theological positions merely: I could easily add another twenty names of distinguished enemies.)

          Perhaps it really is time for you to expend your efforts on another blog, old chap, where you might make more headway.

          • Royinsouthwest

            Holger makes me nostalgic for DanJO. Although he tended to criticise Christians, or at least those who do not adopt a “progressive” viewpoint, he was willing to engage in a sensible debate, It is a pity he does not come back,

          • 1649again

            I feel sorry for Holger. The implicit self-loathing conveyed by his comments, unconscious to him it seems, suggests that in his heart of hearts he knows his lifestyle is self destructive and by coming on here to pour vitriol on the faith he seems to blame for his self-loathing, he seems at a deeper subconscious level attracted despite himself to the healing Christ can bring and may be hoping to be convinced. There may well be a battle for self control underway between the shrieking ghey stereotype and a soul wanting salvation but struggling to ditch its pride in order to respond to the offer of Grace. It’s why I never attack him, and neither should others, he needs what most of us have been very blessed to receive and we should not endeavour to make him harden his heart any further.

          • The Explorer

            Too much deadlock for him here. He might interact better elsewhere.

            What truly terrifies me is that we might be witnessing Election in action. Faith is a gift, and the gift is not granted to all. For those to whom the gift is not granted, belief is impossible. And yet punishment for unbelief follows.

          • 1649again

            If God is knocking at the door to his soul, we should not discourage him by harsh words from drawing the bolts. If he did not feel the need why keep coming here all the time?

          • The Explorer

            The reason he gives is that homosexuality’s greatest enemy is Christianity; so he wants to do all he can to ensure Christianity does not regain its former social influence, and to destroy it outright if he can.

          • 1649again

            That’s his conscious rationalisation, but it’s not a logical reason for his continued visits. He has probably not not confronted his subconscious need to engage here with a range of Christians.

          • The Explorer

            There’s a statement to annoy him. he considers himself in full control of his motives. It’s only Christians who aren’t.

          • 1649again

            I did have concerns about expressing my suspicion, but I wanted to discourage abuse of him and believe that is on balance the better thing to do.

          • The Explorer

            It doesn’t actually matter what register you use for conversing with Linus. If you speak to him harshly, you confirm for him the vileness of Christianity. If you speak to him kindly, you confirm for him that Christianity hides its vileness beneath a mask.

          • Anton

            This is a public forum and some of his comments call for public rebuttal, though.

    • worrywort

      That Portrait of Diane Abbot is a trick of the light. It’s a 300 ft long wood paneled corridor
      painted with treacle glaze varnish.

    • Manfarang

      The referendum was not completely democratic as to be a plebiscite ALL British citizens would have been given the vote which includes ALL those overseas and excludes those who were on the electoral register who are not citizens of the UK. The referendum was more of a general election with promises made which could not be delivered and it resulted in something of a change of government. The referendum result was not legally binding. In the light of its deficiencies this is just as well.

  • Royinsouthwest

    There has often been talk of who to put on the top of the vacant plinth in Trafalgar Square. Mrs Proudie’s suggestion of Lenny Henry is just the latest. Since everyone likes a competition why not hold one to decide who should permanently occupy the plinth? Saint Simeon Stylites spent 37 years on a similar plinth. Why not tell Lenny Henry, or anyone else who fancies the position, that they can stay there permanently if they can beat Saint Simeon Stylites’ world record?

    The plinth would become a tourist attraction in its own right and when people complain about “austerity” the government could point to the plinth and say that living on top of that was real austerity.

    • David

      Saint Simeon the Stylite of Syria doesn’t count as he had the luxury of a barrel as his aerial home – we can’t afford such fripperies !

      • Royinsouthwest

        One man’s austerity is obviously another man’s luxury!

        • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

          and one man’s Diane Abbott is another man’s food parcel…

    • 1649again

      May I suggest Bohemond of Toulouse, leader of the First and most successful Crusade?

      • Sarky

        Phillip North?? With all those pigeons around, they need someone who is used to being sh#t on.

        • 1649again

          Whatever Mr North’s great qualities I would find the statue of a man who endured unbelievable hardships and odds to secure an incredible victory for the faith to be more inspiring.

          • Saint Thomas More, it is then.

          • Merchantman

            Troll alert.

          • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

            Cranmer more like…

          • Peter Cranmer?

          • Anton

            No More!

          • maigemu

            Butcher of Protestants 🙁

      • Anton

        Charles Martel

        • betteroffoutofit

          I guess I just don’t get it . . .

          I mean, I know London simply isn’t British any more, but ….?

          • Anton

            I’d be happy with King Alfred too.

          • 1649again

            One does not wish to put oneself forward but perhaps saving British Parliamentary government might be worth a statue…

          • Anton

            As well as the one outside the Commons?

          • betteroffoutofit

            Ah! Yes, he did have certain requirements of the non -Brits!!!

      • betteroffoutofit

        Frogs in Trafalgar Square? They never cleared anyone out of their own country …

      • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

        How about Richard the Lionheart?

        • 1649again

          Ultimately came up short Ma’am. Statues in Trafalgar Square should be for winners only.

    • Anton

      Certain British politicians of the 21st century. Trouble is, they’d continue to **** on us from a great height.

  • IrishNeanderthal

    Most excellent Mrs Proudie,

    Shortly before the turn of the year, you mentioned some Mexicans who had come over, courtesy of Mr Trumpelstiltskin, to do some work on the cathedral.

    Are these chaps, who turned up in Italy shortly after, the same ones? Banda Piazzolla seem to be ahead of the usual news agencies in spotting new trends.

    EL CAFONERO

    • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

      ah yes, the Sombrero Brothers…whatever did happen to them?

  • IanCad

    Delicious naughtiness, as we have come to expect from you, Honoured Lady.
    The subject plinth has been barren of a suitable occupant for 150 years. Built as part of the monument to celebrate the man whose actions were pivotal to the freeing of Europe from tyranny, allow me to suggest it is now time to celebrate the man who released us from the tyranny of Europe, and place a statue of Lord Nigel upon the vacant block. That is, until a great tower equal in height to that of Lord Nelson’s can be erected to do justice to the man who, without legions, ships, or ordnance, inspired a passive, TV addled race to, at last, become as men.

    • Mrs Proudie of Barchester

      Thank you Ian